(The girlfriend and myself are both seventeen)
My girlfriend injured her back severely about four months ago. She tore a major muscle in her lower back while working out after school. Anyway, after a couple of surgeries and such, she still has a lot of pain down there and I feel so badly for her because she's such a sweet person (quiet, but very sweet, one of those people who gets along with everybody). In addition, she broke her left arm (dominant side) a few weeks ago; just another injury to add on.
Anyway, she has been hinting that she wants to start having sex again. Now I'm concerned about this obviously because I don't want to hurt her and besides, we usually like doing it in positions where I am on top and she is fairly tiny.
I would explain this to her, but she seems centered on having sex again and I've noticed a change in her mood lately. She has been quite irritable and pissed-off and I suspect that she is becoming sexually frustrated as, in addition, she can't masturbate "efficiently" with her right hand.
So, would it be advisable and safe to go through with having sex with her in her injured state? If so, what positions might be safe enough to do?
If she gets upright, stay near something she can lean on for support if she needs to....headboard, etc.
mikkiji, let me just say that I am sorry to hear that and let me express my deepest sympathies :(
But your advice certainly helps. I think she wants to try having sex tomorrow night anyway. Anybody have any other tips on specific positions that might be good for the situation?
I last had intercourse with my late wife maybe 8 weeks before she died, and she was in a fair amount of lower back pain by then from the tumors growing everywhere. She asked me to make love to her (perhaps knowing it would be our last time?), and like you, I was very worried for her comfort and safety. We tried a few positions, and what we found was that I had to move VERY slowly, both during intercourse and while transitioning from one position to the next. I don't think in 34 years of lovemaking we'd ever made love quite that slowly--really like slow-motion. It was good for both of us, and her climax brought her only pleasure and no pain whatsoever. She did have to remind me a few times to slow down. So, take your time and see how it goes.
Michael
[QUOTE=lnt1103;266844]This occurred to me too. One thing I often do involuntarily during orgasm from manual is to roll my hips forward (think tucking your tail between your legs). Although that typically causes me more stomach muscle ache than back ache.
Not pretending to have any medical knowledge, just think this is all stuff to keep in mind.[/QUOTE]
Agreed, and it is something of which we both realize we HAVE to be careful. And she is just like you, or at least from what I've seen when I've had sex with her when she has been healthy. She tends to roll her hips forward a bit.
She's a cheerleader and, thus, pretty fit, but pretty tiny, but she's usually able to put up with a lot during sex. I just have to really keep in mind that she's injured and that I have to take it easy with her no matter how much noise she's making encouraging me otherwise.
[QUOTE=big916;266829]how much she contracts her body when she climaxes.[/QUOTE]
This occurred to me too. One thing I often do involuntarily during orgasm from manual is to roll my hips forward (think tucking your tail between your legs). Although that typically causes me more stomach muscle ache than back ache.
Not pretending to have any medical knowledge, just think this is all stuff to keep in mind.
i would ask a doctor for what can and can't be done. it takes a long time to heal and most certainly for the back, knees, and shoulders which we use the most. Did your girlfriend masturbate/climaxed before breaking her left arm? If so, then maybe she should keep trying pleasuring herself first with her right hand. It is a good sign that she is asking for sex because only she knows how she feels at this point in her recovery, but again i think it would be best to talk to a doctor about it and let them give the green light. you don't want her muscles to contract tightly and risk hurting herself more and prolonging her recovery time.
I would second the advice to ask her doctor what she's healthy enough for. If not full blown sex, and she's having trouble masturbating to satisfaction, but manual is okay with the doctor, perhaps you could "give her a hand". This would provide her both the release, and a certain amount of the intimacy, she's looking for. Especially if you prep her for that hand with some gentle foreplay.
> Especially if you prep her for that hand with some gentle foreplay.
Yes, and with all the Necking, Petting, and, Heavy Petting that goes before Foreplay.
If she is comfortable hugging and snuggling, then begin gently making out and spending half an hour or longer (within reason) just making each other feel good. Use Implied Consent (read the article listed in the Index that describes the technique). You can then go as far as she is willing and able. If you can help her enjoy an orgasm, great, if not, and you stop short, this is fine too because this has more to do with intimacy than the physical connection.
1. You do not ask a doctor anything. She gets that clearance from her doctor.
2. Let her take the lead. She will stick with positions and activities that are comfortable and in the range of her current ability.
Did she actually tear a muscle or slip a disc? I only ask because I have never heard of someone tearing a low back muscle froma workout. Normally its a herniated disc from tight, weak muscle or improper form.
Sorry that it doesn't answer your question. I'm no doctor. I do, however, train people interested in fitness and have yet to encounter a torn erector muscle (and almost everyone comes in with either a slipped disc, or inflexibility)
Ducy, to address your comment specifically, yes, she tore a muscle in her lower back from a workout. But, as she told me, her doctor mentioned that she had only seen this kind of injury a few times before in the fifteen years she had been practicing.
And just to clear something up in general, I'm really worried about her, and it's not like I'm only interested in getting sex out of this. But it does seem like she's really pushing for it, y'know?
She has suggested lying on her back on her bed, legs hanging off, with me entering her by standing in between her legs or kneeling. It's not face to face like she usually likes, but it keeps me clear of her arm completely. But we definitely have to get the go-ahead from the doctor first.
O ok lol. That's terrible. Torn muscles, especially in the back, are tough. I mean you gotta use your back in EVERY situation. Even sitting :/
Don't do any sex before you visit a doctor. Honestly the fact that there are so many ways that her lower back will come into play (or pressure will occur) that your safest bet yould probably be oral or manual sex....for her. But again visit a doctor. Although I have a feeling that even if the doc tells her no, shell probably say yes.
Well, my little lady had an appointment today with her doctor and she just gave me the rundown. The doctor says it should be fine to have intercourse but to just be extremely careful with her back, obviously. I don't know if my girlfriend got any specifics, but she seems set on trying traditional sex but from what I've heard here, I might try to persuade her towards manual or oral stimulation. I REALLY don't want to hurt her and all that really matters to me right now is seeing her happy again.
good :) i would suggest cowboy and jockey-inverted when you two are ready for intercourse. these keep her back flat and relaxed, the only issue is getting in at first. have fun and be safe;)
Thank you so much :) I know that she really appreciates this and so do I. For me, sex is about pleasing her, especially now because she has had very little to smile about over the past few months y'know?
And in talking with her about it, she thinks that if I hold her hips very gently, I should be able to enter into her without causing too much pain with her back.
yeah and the same feel good chemicals that get released with laughter are i believed released during sex and those help the healing process so win win.
the only concern that comes to mind with any kind of sex including manual and oral is how much she contracts her body when she climaxes. tightening an injured muscle especially the back can really hurt,but 4 months is a good portion of the required healing time so with caution i think everything will be fine.
She should seriously re-consider her workouts if she gets injured so thoroughly that enjoying sex becomes an issue. While I am not a gym-rat, not even close, I have endured more physical mishaps than most being in the military, including falling off of buildings, and have yet to even break a bone.
Is she exceeding what her body/health can endure?
Is she working out under proper guidance or is she going it alone?
Is her diet doing enough for her?
I ask because for a 17 yr old girl to be having these issues is unusual.
EvilEvilKitten thank you for expressing concern :) Just to give you an idea of her size, she is about five two, ninety something pounds. As I mentioned, she is a Varsity cheerleader on our high school team, so she is pretty used to physical exertion.
I'm not exactly sure how her injury happened, but like I said before, even her doctor mentioned that this was an extremely rare and bizarre case.
If she is so small its most likely a flyer position and the physical exertion related to that position is fairl small (best friend was a varsity flyer. 5'0" 93 lbs.) I am surprised that her coach would be pushing her in such a way. Its a pity too because torn muscles never properly heal and take a long long time to even go back to "normal" strength and flexibilty.
She has to begin thinking in terms of the rest of her life now. This is why I have asked those questions. She needs to stop cheerleading and to 'ease up' on her workouts - sorry - but it really does sound like she has exceeded what her body is capable of enduring.
Please remember that what she does now will return to haunt her when she's 40 yrs old. Yes, it seems like a long way off but the body 'remembers'.
It is not the end of the world for her - more like a warning 'wake-up' call.
You're absolutely right, EvilEvilKitten and I definitely should have a talk with her.
Okay, so we just had sex a few hours ago :)
She held up pretty well, but occasionally did complain of a little tightness and pain in her lower back. We did it in the inverted jockey position, and yes, had a little bit of trouble getting into her and had to take it really slowly. I also had to be careful about bumping her arm in a cast underneath me.
Otherwise, she reached orgasm normally and even though she tensed up slightly, she really felt no more discomfort than she did otherwise. it was quite nice seeing her "O" face haha but it was also nice knowing she was happy for the first time in a while and that I could relieve some of that sexual frustration she had been feeling due to the lack of ability for her to masturbate.
Great:) im glad i could help with your choice of position. yeah it is tough to get inside but well worth it for both of you. for me it is hard to keep rhythm and rub the clit at the same time, so this position is great for that.
hopefully she won't be sore tomorrow. her back could be tight from lying down in one position for a long time along with her injury. well glad you both enjoyed yourselves and that you could make your gf happy.
Yes, thank you for the position suggestion :)
And I do hope she's not too sore tomorrow. Like I said, as a cheerleader, she's pretty fit and usually able to put up with a lot and thus, isn't really prone to being sore after we have sex, but we'll see.
Usually, she likes to show off her flexibility (legs behind her head or pressed flat against her chest with me laying on top of them, knees to her ears) and I was surprised she orgasmed as fast as she did in the inverted jockey position because I know she's used to pretty deep sex haha. But it was nice because I got to a) control how fast I went to make sure I didn't hurt her, b) kinda keep her back flat against the bed and c) we got to still maintain that close face to face position and kiss and stuff.
Thank you everybody! I know my girlfriend really appreciates all of the help. If you have any more suggestions, please don't hesitate to post them; this hopefully wasn't the last time we would be having sex in the near future :)
Really glad everyone had a good time :)
The speed of the climax is probably a function of a few different things: the build up of the sexual frustration, the failed attempts at self-pleasure, the extra excitement from novelty of the position, the slow build.
With T and I, if it's been a while we both react more intensely. And, I've always been a big believer in taking my time and letting one sensation build upon another. In any one BJ session, if I intensify, back down and re-intensify a time or two, that will tend to affect his girth, the amount of ejaculate, the number of spasms, etc. There actually was one time that I was pulling that trick and on about my third or fourth build, he said "don't back down!" It's like sometimes I have this mission to make him start to wonder when the hell I'm going to let him finish LOL
(If someone says don't back down, by the way, don't back down. One time I said "don't stop" because he was doing that with me, and he backed down one more time. I almost called him a name.)
When we were still living 180 miles apart, in the week before we were going to be together on the weekend, he'd dirty talk me on the phone but not let me touch anything, so the frustration would be built for when we were together.
Sometimes, a quickie's the trick. But if you build it, oh boy will they come.
Oh believe me, I made the mistake of stopping/pulling out too early with her once before, right as she was about to orgasm and she was getting her "O" face ready. She's a very quiet and friendly sweetheart, but she got the angriest that I've ever seen her haha.
Stopping before I'm ready or finished? I can imagine how that would be a 'death sentence' but you also have to consider the reverse - why does she have such a hard time orgasming? It is almost as if she doesn't like or didn't want orgasms? Sorry- but this is something I do not understand - not completely. Oh, I know the reasons, intellectually, but I've never met an orgasm that I didn't enjoy - always got that WOW THAT WAS GREAT! reaction from it with all of the attendant bear-hugging, laughing, and dancing about. - cha cha cha.
Shameless, you know.
Thus far, I have been fortunate - perhaps a little stiffness now and again but only one injury, right knee, causes periodic difficulties.
Cheerleading, when compared to all other sports in American high schools and college, makes up over 50% of all serious injuries to women. Perhaps she should consider the dance team or another alternative at this stage? While some activities are fun, the body does remember it's injuries sooner or later as EEK points out. Mine began to remember in my 20's and I hate to think what it'll be like at 40.