Hi guys
Me and my wife decided to wait for marriage before sex
We're crazy in love and are so desperate for each other....but we've tried quite a few times to have sex but failed!
Initially it was the fact I couldnt fit my penis into her vagin. Not only was I having trouble finding it...but once I did using my fingers it was hard fitting my penis in. My penis width seems too big for her small vagina
What should I do? Can anyone offer any advice on tips on inserting penis comfortably inside?? It seems I go a couple of mm in maybe then it just comes out and I end up by anus instead!
My other questions are, is it always like this? ie during sex you have to stop, look down and try and find vagina to fit penis in? Bcos it really takes you out of the moment! Or does it become easier as time goes because the vagina becomes larger after sex a few times?
Also, does the penis fit in directly? Or do either me or her always need to guide it in by opening the labia minor/major with our fingers to let penis reach vagina?
Finally, my wife prefers me on top. How/where should my body be situated. Should my knees be in between her legs and have them wide open? Or should I have her legs in between my legs? Which way is easiest passage of entry for the penis so that I am comfortable on top too
Thank you so much guys. I really am stuck on all these questions and had no idea where to turn until I found this amazing forum!!
Cheers,
N
Pretty much you're just describing the "tedious" parts of sex for the first time. Regardless that you waited or not to start, everyone has a certain amount of awkwardness in the beginning. Nobody just jumps on a bike and rides. I'm sure others will come along with the usual helpful comments about foreplay and whatnot, so I'll steer clear of that.
In any event, yes, until you really really get the hang of it there's some guiding at the beginning. And even then, it's not such a big deal. Unless your penis is prehensile like an elephant trunk it'll never be like movies where they just clutch each other and with one gasping hunch of the hips hits a perfect bullseye.
As for the positions, that's best left to experimentation. They all depend on so many factors (ie. how big either of you are, how big your bits are, how big her bits are, etc) that there's really no right or wrong. Right is where everything goes where it needs comfortably, and nobody is gonna cramp maintaining that position for 5-10 minutes. No need for acrobatics.
I will say though for the old school "man on top" (called missionary) I personally have a harder time felling like I'm all the way in. We have one of those super mushy memory foam mattresses, so my wife kind of sinks into it more, which throws off the angles. As you gain experience you'll know it all comes down to angles. I bet Trigonometry professors are great lovers. lol
Since you're still at the "is it in?" stage, you may want to try this. Drag her over to the edge of the bed, so that her buns are right at the edge. She can then put her legs up on your chest, or even curl them up to her chest or cross them in front of you. You stand on the floor right there, and this way you have better access, and aren't also preoccupied with how to hold yourself up above her. You can concentrate on entry, learning how slow to enter at the beginning (you'll learn real quick not to plow in), practice your strokes so that you don't pop out all the time, and the like.
Once you get that knowledge, you can then start worrying about positions and whatnot.
Clearly something is missing in your sexual education. First, all women should have a gyn exam BEFORE becoming sexually active. That ensures that all things are arranged properly and appear to be functioning normally. Secondly, a few sessions of each of you exploring the other without intent of insertion. Use any of the good anatomy sites to identify everything and note what may or may not feel good.
When your wife goes for her gyn exam she should tell the doctor about the difficulties in accepting your penis into her. It could be a simple matter of lubrication or it could be a physiological issue (tough hymen) or a psychological issue (vaginismus). The doctor can examine and evaluate specifically and, with luck, recommend a good lubricant. The other issues require some help.
The two of you, after her issues are resolved, could benefit greatly from a visit with a sex therapist or counselor simply to get the basics.
She should muster up the courage to inspect herself, in particular the hymen in order determine its overall thickness, hole pattern if any, and shape. It may be that the membrane has already eroded away, however if it has not, then where the tip of your penis is placed is important.
The tip of your penis should be placed alongside the edge of the hymen between it and the vaginal wall. If the membrane should happen to have a hole in the middle that is large, then this may be the place to put the penis in order to gain entry. What is not advisable is to arbitrarily "aim" for a solid part of the membrane and push!
I recommend that the first few times a couple has intercourse together that they use the Woman Superior/Cowgirl position. (Refer to the illustrated animated pictures in this section of the Home Page.)
Why? Because this places the woman in charge. She knows where P & V are and can deftly bring the two together. She can tell where the vaginal opening is and place the tip of the penis there. She knows how much pressure to apply and when to make penetration easier. She can determine the length of each stroke and when the best time for thrusting might be. She can gauge the best angle for her body in relationship to her partner. So, save the Missionary position and others for later, after the two of you get acquainted so to speak.
Brandye has often stated that in some cases in which the membrane is tough and resilient that it may be necessary to have her doctor nick the hymen in order to make the opening larger. This is a quick and simple procedure.
I agree that the two of you should explore each others body and learn what each of you looks like. For her the job is easy because your "pieces parts" are all out in the open. For you, much requires her to throw caution to the wind and muster some courage to expose areas she has heretofore kept very private. Do begin your search for knowledge by viewing anatomy illustrations together and talking about each of your bodies. It is important to explore and learn together! Do not place yourselves in the position of the "blind leading the blind" by being too shy or timid.
Do you know where her clitoris is? If not, then look at an illustration that shows its location in relationship to her Labia Minora. Once you know where it is you can find it for real in one of two ways: first, by tracing your fingers along the length of one of the lips; second, by running your index finger down the channel of her vulva until you reach the juncture of the two lips. Need help? Encourage her to lend assistance as you explore.**
As mentioned, above, in another reply, the two of you require some education. In addition to studying illustrations of the male and female anatomy, I recommend familiarizing yourselves with the Index found near the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. Read every article, on all topics, together or independently, then discuss what you have read and add the information to what you already know. Knowledge is empowering.
** As each of you explores the other, give verbal and non-verbal feedback on what feels good--when and for how you are responding to kisses and caresses and for what you need now/next. None of us are mind readers!
I hope we have been of help. Got questions?
-doc
> Not only was I having trouble finding it...but once I did using my fingers it was hard fitting my penis in.
Asked and answered.
My penis width seems too big for her small vagina
Use a lubricant. Place plenty on your penis or condom and around the vaginal opening as well as just inside. If you think you have used plenty--add more! at least the first few sessions.
If using condoms, dab a bit of lube around the head/glans of your penis before rolling the condom on. Doing so will give your penis some wiggle room and this will improve your sensitivity.
Make sure your wife has been arouse sufficiently and is generating lots of her own mucus before beginning intercourse. I'm bringing this to your attention because some guys have the misguided misconception that the best way to an orgasm is from lots and Lots and LOTS of stroking/thrusting before a sufficient level of arousal has been attained with either of you. This is what all the fooling around and making out is for.
Also, do not expect that your wife or any woman will climax the first few times from having intercourse alone. She might experience some discomfort at first, have a head full of thoughts that divert her attention, etc. Better me thinks to help her achieve an orgasm before engaging in intercourse. Later, understand that it might be necessary to reach around and finger her clitoris while stroking. Why? Because if you opt to use the Missionary position there will likely be insufficient friction between you as a result of your body positions. If you do do as recommended and use the Woman Superior position, she may not yet understand the need to adjust her position as required in order to create the necessary friction just from stroking and thrusting. Regardless, do not make her having an orgasm a priority. Nice if/when it happens, but not necessary for her pleasure and enjoyment. These will come with practice and as you become more atuned to each other.
-doc
> Not only was I having trouble finding it...but once I did using my fingers it was hard fitting my penis in.
Asked and answered.
> My penis width seems too big for her small vagina
Use a lubricant. Place plenty on your penis or condom and around the vaginal opening as well as just inside. If you think you have used plenty--add more! at least the first few sessions.
If using condoms, dab a bit of lube around the head/glans of your penis before rolling the condom on. Doing so will give your penis some wiggle room and this will improve your sensitivity.
Make sure your wife has been arouse sufficiently and is generating lots of her own mucus before beginning intercourse. I'm bringing this to your attention because some guys have the misguided misconception that the best way to an orgasm is from lots and Lots and LOTS of stroking/thrusting before a sufficient level of arousal has been attained with either of you. This is what all the fooling around and making out is for.
Also, do not expect that your wife or any woman will climax the first few times from having intercourse alone. She might experience some discomfort at first, have a head full of thoughts that divert her attention, etc. Better me thinks to help her achieve an orgasm before engaging in intercourse. Later, understand that it might be necessary to reach around and finger her clitoris while stroking. Why? Because if you opt to use the Missionary position there will likely be insufficient friction between you as a result of your body positions. If you do do as recommended and use the Woman Superior position, she may not yet understand the need to adjust her position as required in order to create the necessary friction just from stroking and thrusting. Regardless, do not make her having an orgasm a priority. Nice if/when it happens, but not necessary for her pleasure and enjoyment. These will come with practice and as you become more atuned to each other.
-doc
Thanks for the reply. Where is this "index" at top of main screen. I cant find it anywhere??
but I do not see it listed.
Go back a page and click on the "View Forums" tab. Go down four folders and click on the Index:
INDEX OF SEXINFO101 BOARD TOPICS http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/begin-here-wa-partial-index-sex-info-101...
The Index listings are a bit convoluted since switching to the new software, however, you should be able to navigate round easily enough.
-doc