Due to multiple surgeries and health problems (two kidney transplants), I have a hard time reaching an orgasm. The few times that I have (with a lot of mechanical assistance), I seem to urinate, which is obviously embarassing and messy.

Also, I'm happily married for 14 years and would like to enjoy an orgasm with intercourse. I've read that masterbation can help with this, but it hasn't yet. However, I have just started masterbating again after about 20 years of not using self-stimulation. Is there anything else to help with this? My husband is very patient with foreplay and does a good job, but I can't expect him to spend hours and hours attempting to satisfy me to no avail.

I'm quite shy about discussing this with my husband and would also like any tips on breaching these subjects with him. He has no idea that it is so hard for me. When we make love I don't necessarily "fake" it and really do enjoy it. However, I am naturally verbal. Also, my contractions are for his pleasure and not a sign of climax. Between the two of these, I am sure he thinks that I reach a climax on a regular basis.