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Had sex once, now gf doesn't want to

Hey whats up im new to this but i found that this site is really helpful and can maybe help me. Well let me start off, im 17 years old and so is my girlfriend. We're both juniors in high school. We've been going out for almost a year, 10 1/2 to exact. We both lost our virginities to each other. We decided to have sex one day on our 8 month anniversary (but i have to explain how it happened because maybe i did something wrong). Sorry its so long...
Well we talked about it and decided to do it sometime during that week. She wanted to do it but was still afraid, which i understood. We also didn't know where to do it so we just decided to do it in her car (like most of us teens :D ). Anyway, that night we parked somewhere where nobody would see us. She turned off the car, and we were still in the our seats when i started to kiss her. I started to rub her tits and then clit and pussy over her pants (she wore no underwear that night). She got turned on so we got in the backseat. Then i started to finger her with her pants off and then i began to eat her out for a while. She got really wet, and then she started to give me head for a bit jus so i can get really hard. We moved back to the front seat and we were talking jus for a little bit and i guess during that talk i started to get soft. She was like "ok, lets do it." Then i told her that i couldn't get it up again :o. (My best friend who lost his virginity just 2 months earlier had the same problem where he couldn't get it up at first, so i wasn't really that ashamed or embarrassed that much.) But she was like "whats wrong, don't you love me?" I said "yeah i love you." Then she said "why aren't you hard anymore? Is it cuz i don't turn you on?" I told her of course she turned me on, and i explained what had just happened and why, and she said it was ok. So i told her to try and do sexy things to get me hard again. She did and it worked. So after all that, i sat her on top of the armrest thing in the middle of the car (the backseat had no room and was too uncomfortable) so i took out the condom, put it on, spread her legs (she was still wet) and i said, "ready?" She was like "yeah". So i went to put it in, i was looking at her, and on accident i almost put it in her ass. She said "hey!" and we kinda laughed and i said sorry. So i looked this time and i put it in her pussy real slow. She started to lightly moan. I SLOWLY pulled it out and went back in like 3 or 4 times. Then she said "ow! OW! get it out." (The whole thing lasted about 7 seconds!) So i pulled it out and asked what was wrong? She said it hurt and then she starts to cry. I was scared that i really hurt her. She said that it did hurt but the pain would go away. (By now im soft again). So i asked her why she was crying, and all she said was that she couldn't believe that THAT just happened. I was relieved. I went over to her, wiped away her tears, and in front of her really quietly said, "don't cry". Then i went to hug her, gave her a soft, luscious kiss on the lips, then one on her cheek and whispered in her ear, "I love you". She looked at me and said "I love you, too" in the most nicest and sweetest way she ever looked at me and said it me (the look that let me know that she really really loved me). But anyways, she stopped crying, had about a 10 minute talk and then went home. After that night, i felt so much closer to her and i know she felt the same. Even though it didn't really last that long i was ok with it because i really do love her. (I know a lot of guys would say damn you're like a little bitch, but i don't care cuz that's just how i feel...i know were still in high school but it's just something really special for the two of us.) Anyway, I thought it would be awkward seeing her again in public, but it wasn't. The next day she came up to me and gave me a huge kiss i asked her when we could do that again, and she said in a little while.
NOW here's my problem: She said we could have sex again in a little while, its been almost 3 months! I talked to her, and she said that she really wants to, but is just TOO scared to do it anytime soon. I feel like a have to wait another 8 months to do it again. But ever since that night we haven't done ANYTHING! We just kiss and barely even make out. That's why im kinda mad, if you understand where im coming from. Now, im not a horn-dog but i really want to do it again, and every time i bring it up she says "oh im just not ready yet"...:confused: . Im like we did it before why can't we do it again to see if it can be any better, or even last longer. She'll bust out saying, "if you love me you'll wait"...:confused: . That's what im doing, that's what i've been doing, and that's what im gonna to do. I just wanna know how much longer. She can't give me an answer. Also, everyday i feel like were growing apart little by little, but i know she still loves me.
So I wanna know is there something i can do or say to make her feel better, or make her not so scared about doing it. I mean, we did it before and i don't know what made her change her mind that she doesn't wanna do it again. I know it takes time and i don't want to rush her, but i just wanna know much longer am i going to have to wait (to do anything). Please any advice on anything i should do, or should have done that night or in the future, let me know. (That's why i gave a lot of detail about that night because maybe i did something wrong that i shouldn't have done, and should know about, even if it's the littlest mistake. Please let me know.)
Im really sorry that this was really long, but thank you for reading all of it. if you could please help me in any way possible, I would really really appreciate it. And i know my girlfriend will too. Thanks again.

That sounds like it hurt her physically very badly. Since you were her first, that is an EXTREMELY painful physical experience for most young women (personally i consider it the most physically painful experience of my life). Sit and talk to her about it, she is probably really scared to do it again, because she has had a taste of how painful sex is when you start out. Talk to her, and bring lube into the equation.

Also, a car is absolutely NO appropriate comfortable place to lose your virginity.

If, after you sit and talk to her, and she still is not ready, then point blank she is not ready. Stick to foreplay.

Sex will hurt for the first few times, not just the once. The first few times you have sex will never be the best.

Its all up to her really, to me it sounds like you did absolutely nothing wrong that night. If you both can start to make out again and finger her for a while .. the more you do that the less painful it should be for her.

But like I've said, its probably up to her really, cos you did nothing wrong imo.

you didn't do anything wrong! you actually did everything right ... you handled it the best way possible that you could.

she could be embarressed that it hurt that much and you had to stop, she may mentally not be able to go through the pain again yet now that she knows what to expect.

talk to her, let her explain past 'If you love me you'll wait' (as a girl even I see that as a cop out) and take it from there

[QUOTE=girl12;164743]That sounds like it hurt her physically very badly. Since you were her first, that is an EXTREMELY painful physical experience for most young women (personally i consider it the most physically painful experience of my life). Sit and talk to her about it, she is probably really scared to do it again, because she has had a taste of how painful sex is when you start out. Talk to her, and bring lube into the equation.

Also, a car is absolutely NO appropriate comfortable place to lose your virginity.

If, after you sit and talk to her, and she still is not ready, then point blank she is not ready. Stick to foreplay.[/QUOTE]

Hey thanks for the advice but I gotta tell you.. I know it really hurt her that night. I know. But I don't know how and why because I fingered her a lot that night and before. Before I got 2 fingers in, and then barely put 3 in there. My dick is just a little smaller then 3 fingers wide on my hand. She was, also, really wet and i got my fingers in quick so I don't think I really need lube, but I'll talk to her about it.
Yes, I know a car is not the right place, but there was seriously nowhere else to do it. And, we both wanted to really do it that night.
I really hope she's ready, but I guess I'll just have to wait and find out.

Yea but fingers don't really compare to a penis. Even if its 3 wide, its flat.. ya know?
A penis might be 3-4 fingers wide in all directions.
Its that sense of "fullness" and stretching that hurts the first time.

Also, when you first have sex, or in her case, almost do.... there is this sudden realization and it is overwhelming!!!

I know it will hurt, and I said that to her before that night, but she said she'll be ok. Now, I just feel bad that it happened like that. But, I'm, also, just really happy that I didn't do anything wrong, just as HURRICANE88 and MCSGIRL said :) . Thanks, it really means a lot to me.

The weird thing is that she says that she can handle the pain. It's just that she's scared of getting caught. She told me that she just thinks about all the bad things that can happen from doing it: like getting pregnant (which she can't because I wore a condom, AND I know I'm not going to cum inside of her anytime soon...right?), also she's worried about her dad finding out that she had sex (because he always figures everything out :rolleyes: ), I guess getting caught is what she's really afraid of, but I'll never know because that's just what she tell me :( . Should I believe her??

So anyway, I guess just talking to her is the only thing that will make it better, and make her not so afraid.

[QUOTE=demonbuttercup;164770]Yea but fingers don't really compare to a penis. Even if its 3 wide, its flat.. ya know?
A penis might be 3-4 fingers wide in all directions.
Its that sense of "fullness" and stretching that hurts the first time.

Also, when you first have sex, or in her case, almost do.... there is this sudden realization and it is overwhelming!!![/QUOTE]

Oh...well I guess I never really thought about it like that. But still like I said before, she says and swears that she can handle it. It's just the fear of getting caught. I don't really know what to believe. I'm pretty confused.

Oh yea, I forgot to say I, also, felt that feeling that was irresistible when it happened. So I'm pretty sure I know how she felt when it happened.

well the condom can break and you never know ... semen can be reaally persistant to find a home lol. that's a really rational fear - even if there is a 3% chance - that 3% could ruin her life and your relationship.

i'm on the pill and i'm STILL debating if i should make my bf wear a condom the first time bcuz you never know if tht one time could fall into the 1%-3% that is unlucky.

[QUOTE=mcsgirl;164775]well the condom can break and you never know ... semen can be reaally persistant to find a home lol. that's a really rational fear - even if there is a 3% chance - that 3% could ruin her life and your relationship.

i'm on the pill and i'm STILL debating if i should make my bf wear a condom the first time bcuz you never know if tht one time could fall into the 1%-3% that is unlucky.[/QUOTE]

Well i know it can break, and i know that they only work like 97% of the time. I know my little guys want to find a home lol. Im aware of that, but, can it really break when i only went in and out like 3 or 4 times, really slow, and it only lasting 7 or 8 seconds??

I mean i don't want to ruin our relationship cuz it too special to us. But is there i can tell her to convince her to not be so scared, or to at least take some of that fear away?

no it most likely wont break from that but if you do more ... which i'm asssuming you will teh second time - the it might

you could seee what she thinks about birth control - the two together might ease her worries ... if she is scared to ask her paretns she could know that the pill helps clear skin and helps ease symptoms of her period.

Yeah, I thought it wouldn't the first time. I already asked her about birth control, and just like you said she is too afraid to ask her parents. But i will let her know about the clear skin and the easing of her symptoms of her period. She might consider that.
Do you know if there is some site that i can look up info about birth control to show her?

I think you both have to discuss her fears; otherwise, if there is another time they will be on her mind, she will be distracted, and less relaxed. Pain & discomfort happens and you did nothing wrong, in fact you were very understanding. It gets better. I think the issues in the back of her mind are what is stopping her, see now they are real since you tried once. I think if you both sit and chat about the problems re: BC, parents, etc. and both come to a reasonable solution she will give it another try. I swore after the first time everyone (parents included) could read it all over my face, I had the feeling of being "guilty", and if my parents really found out, they would think so much less of me & send me off to a boarding school for women or a convent. If you have been dating for nearly a year, her parents must suspect there is a chance you both are active. If you both are intelligent , understand birth control, they may just subscribe to "don't ask; don't tell". If she has been to a gyn doctor (most 17 y/o have been already) the majority of doctors will put a female on the pill to "regulate her cycle". In essence, this is the B.S. excuse so parents will not question the need for the pill. If she is not going to look at the pill; there are OTC contraceptives she can use...VCF(vag. contraceptive film) and you use condoms.

I think that she is probably quite emotionally overwhelmed with it. I don't know whether she expected to feel so afraid of being caught and thinking of the risks - when you haven't had sex the baggage that comes with it seems more daunting than the task itself.
I imagine that the reason she is barely letting you make out with her is because she is a little scared that everything will lead to sex. I think you should chat to her and say you really don't need to worry about having sex, but you just want to be close to her again and show her how much she means to you.
For the record, I don't think that you did anything wrong - in the circumstances you were perfect.
I think that the fact she was really upset by the fact you had gone soft shows a bit of her self consciousness.
If she is really scared that her dad will find out and that is stopping her then you may have to wait for her to be ready, but from what you're saying you aren't bothered about having sex now you just want to be close to her again. Just explain to her that you do not need to have sex and that you won't push her but she means so much to you and you really want to be close to her again.
And yes, if you can have sex anywhere other than a car it would be better - being somewhere were she feels comfortable is better, but I understand that there are only certain places you can go :)
Hope I helped :)

Well I've been trying to talk to her about it all. I told her that she has nothing to worry about. We talked and she says she want to do it really bad, but just like you said, she doen't want people finding out, especially her parents. She's the oldest one in her family (she's like the good girl), and she told me that if her dad found out that she had sex or even looked "guily" that he would make her break up with me. We both don't want that. That also complicates things with the birth control.

She can't let her parents find out anything about that. Her parents don't really suspect anything, they think that we won't and aren't doing anything. Her dad thinks I'm that nice guy who will treat his daughter with respect (which I do lol) and not do anything. He really likes me for that, and I don't want him to hate me for something that he thought I wouldn't do. She says that she's pretty sure her parents won't find out, but still has that fear.

Also, about that gyn doctor...I don't think she's gone to that, but I'll ask her. Is there any way for her to use some type of birth control or something that her parents don't have to find out?? (And don't worry about the condoms, I've got plenty :D )

You both are 17 amd soon will be 18 and, alledgedly, out of the house.
Isn't it about time you two started acting like adults and not scared little kids? What are your plans for after school? College? Military? Work? Do you see where I am going with this? It is time for both of you to make some decisions and stick with them.

Thanks you did help BRYRW06. Also, thanks for thinking that I did nothing wrong either. There is just one little problem with what you said. The thing is that...I DO wanna have sex with her again. It does kinda bother me a bit that she just isn't willing to try it again to see how it will go. I wanna try it one more time. I mean, I don't want to rush her. And, I do wanna be close to her again...I've told her all this. She knows. But what do I have to do to show her that it won't be so bad? ..ya know..
I'll wait cuz that what I've been doing. She means the world to me, and I know she feels the same. I don't wanna push her,...but i still wanna do it again. Is that so bad to want to do it???
Anyway, there really isn't anywhere esle to do it so we're stuck with the car till we find a room lol. Thanks again though. :)

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;164800]You both are 17 amd soon will be 18 and, alledgedly, out of the house.
Isn't it about time you two started acting like adults and not scared little kids? What are your plans for after school? College? Military? Work? Do you see where I am going with this? It is time for both of you to make some decisions and stick with them.[/QUOTE]

First off, she's the one thats scared. I'm not. I'm anything but scared or a little kid. Second, we're pretty sure that we're going to the same college so I guess things will work themselves out there. Finally, I'm the one trying to help us out; make it all work. But I can't force her to make a decision :mad: . She's gotta do that on her own. So what do you want me to do? when there is nothing I can do, but just wait and talk to her. (Which I've been doing for a couple of months now.)

like i said - you're handling this the best way possible.

in the end - after you've exhausted all other options - you might jus have to decide if you're willing to wait for what coould be a long time or if youthink you need to move on ...

sounds bad but ... if you're not happy and she's not willing to help then there's no point in continuing the relationship.

I think ill try and wait, and just see what happens. I think in the end ill be happy...hopefully :(

Once again, thank you all for your advice :) . It really did help a lot. I'll see if i can help yall out. I really appreciate it.