I believe the first two paragraphs ask, identify, and answer, your troubles.
You've done some self examinating that should prove worthwhile if the two of you decide to take your relationship seriously.

Talk about it as deeply as "should we continue?"

Definitely sounds like a psychological thing to me. I'm quite sure there is nothing physicallyu wrong with you. You have to talk about it. And like Brandye said, do you really want to continue this relationship? If you don't resolve your relationship issues, you probably won't resolve your sexual problems. Another thought: maybe he shouldn't be "doing all the work"--I'm not sure how you really meant that, but sex shouldn't have to be work. Can you maybe make it a little easier on him? Seduce him? Take charge? Perhaps that might help, too.

> Me and my bf dont talk about it with anyone cos I'm too humiliated

Communication is the cornerstone to a successful relationship. You have to learn to talk and to do this, one suggestion is to begin with small topics and work your way up. You can also jump right in and bite the proverbial bullet. I believe telling the other person that you have something very important to say, and that you are uneasy about saying it helps eliminate the angst.

> Its more like, he's doing all the work and just gets tired and gives up. I have researched it online and the few accounts of it are usually explained by relationship troubles (which we have a lot of) and it all being psychological.

All any of us can do is take your word for this. I suggest learning to talk to each other and if this doesn't work or you do not know how, then I recommend couple's counseling.

What is all the work he is doing? If he is of the belief that sexual arousal is had by lots and lots and lots of stroking and thrusting then he has his cart before the horse. This is the realm of and the why of making out and engaging in foreplay. If you are doing this and spending less than half an hour at it, then you should extend the time to perhaps an hour or so. You need this time to become fully aroused and he can benefit from it also. Stroking should maintain the existing high level of sexual excitement and tension, not generate it from scratch. Thrusting should peak it and then trigger the orgasm a few minutes later.

If by doing all the work and then becoming to exhaused you mean that he is pumping away for more than five minutes, then this is pretty much proof that the two of you are going about this all wrong. Put things in the proper order, as noted above.

> Am I too loose? so it just doesnt feel that good for him?

It is possible, however, unless you've given birth and not had an episiotomy or a tear repaired, then no, you are probably not "loose".

> we're very comfortable with each other and sex between us isnt very serious, we often joke during it, there's not much foreplay anymore. we dont have a lot of passion, and he easily gets distracted during sex,

There are a lot of issues here that need to be sorted, organized, and repaired.

Non-serious sex? What could be funner? Perhaps the proverbial "Quickie" came out of this light-hearted side of life. In and of itself, this type of love making is OK, although, if this is the be all end all to your love life, then something serious is missing. Making love is the outward expression of the love a couple shares. The vagina is the gateway to a woman's soul. The penis is the essence of a man. When they join, the two psyches become one for a moment in time. This is the serious side of love making. If the accompanying emotions are missing, then the two of you are focused on the physical pleasures much more than the psychological that should be part and parcel.

> and he easily gets distracted during sex, when I'm really into it, he'll suddenly start talking about something random, which makes me feel a bit odd.

As it should. There is a book recently published in the U.S. with the title "He's Just Not That Into You". Sounds like he is mainly interested in you as a way to get his rocks off from time to time. With unresolved relationship problems, little interest in the fundamentals of making love, little foreplay and just getting down to "it", it sounds for all the world like there is no love and the only relationship is a sexual one and not a very decent one at that.

I don't get the random talking. It sounds like he isn't much into sex be it for his pleasure or yours. It certainly isn't a mutual admiration from your description. No wonder you have concerns and are writing in for ideas.

> The only sex he seems to get really into is the very rough stuff, which I dont mind.

Taken in context within an otherwise loving relationship, this is OK once in a while if it is what the two of you enjoy. Personally, we prefer to mimic rough sex, rather than actually go at it that way. There is a distinct difference. Once again, if this is the only type of sex you have for the most part, then there is something wrong, and, if I were a woman and you, I would mind.

> His friends (in england) mean a lot to him, but they all really really dislike me, from the begginning they tried to put him against me, and it really affected him. he basically thought it was wrong to like me, and tried to convince himself he didnt. he would say he wasnt attracted to me, and tell me he didnt really like me, but as soon as we were together away from those people he would change, be so much more loving and respectful. they had such an influence on him, is that what the problem is - has what they planted in his head stuck?

As it is this is certainly a formula for disaster. When is the man going to stand up on his own and either put his friends in their places, or, take a stand on what he believes and wants? Being two-faced is not the character you should settle for in a man. Has their influence stuck? I dunno. He does, although I'm not certain you can believe his answer if you ask the question.

How often do the two of you get together? What is your communication like when apart? From all that you say, I would get into counseling and find out what all is going on with all this issues, and, I would not have sex until and unless you have answers that satisfy you.

Me thinks you can do better, locally.

Darn, Brandye! Why can't my answers say so much with so few words?

Based on what you've said about the state of your relationship and your ability to communicate effectively as a couple, I'm still going to suggest trying something new with sex to make it less work for him. First, what about foreplay? Do you guys get into that all? A little oral sex can go a long way in prepping your guy to cum during sex. Second, if you don't try new positions (i.e. you on top), how will you know if you're any good at all or not? It's not like you have to be an expert. Now--this is just my personal observation: we all like pleasure without work, right? And...since the two of you talk about everything, perhaps you should broach the idea of doing something different during sex before you get into an intimate situation. For example, you might say to him something like this: "Hey, I was thinking that maybe we could try some new positions next time we have sex. I know we have been very adventurous in the past, and that's mostly because I worry that I won't know what I'm doing and I'll mess it up. But, I figure it's worth a shot just the same; what do you think?" Then, you're putting it out there, which may make you feel more comfortable when it comes time to try. You also said that you feel comfortable enough during sex to talk and laugh--so if something goes wrong, make a joke, laugh together, and all's well that ends well (hopefully with orgasm). :-)
PS--it hasn't ye been broached, but the bf doesn't use too much alcohol or drugs before you get intimate does he? That can be a problem (I hope you're not offended by that question!)
Best of luck!

Oh...and if regular woman on top really hurts you, just try a variation in which your body is at a different angle--that usually helps! :-)

Aha! I've had that problem, too--where too deep feels too much! But this is where it's important for you to tak charge. You can control the depth of the thrust by using your own body--you can use your legs to hold you back or your arms to keep a certain amount of distance between you and him. You may even try to be seducative and say something like (in sexy bedroom whisper): "You just lay back, and let me do all the work." And I'm not trying to push you to talk about anything you don't want--but what about that foreplay (I mentioned that in aprevious post but you haven't said anything about it--but don't if you don't want to)?

Maybe you could try to make it more spontaneous?? Spontaneity often = sexy...because spontaneity makes it seem like you're just so darn horny...and that's hot. :-)

You might be onto something--talk less and do more! :)