my bf does not have orgasms ever. how common is that ? and he is not very sesitive he got soft on me when we were haveing sex:confused: and he does not cum alot and has a slow turn around rate (like 1/4 of a day). i love him but is there something that can be done to help?
Fri, 04/07/2006 - 16:52
#1
Goes soft on me
My boyfriend is just like that. His is psychological and he is seeing a therapist about it.
I'd suggest getting him to a doctor.
Brandye would probably have more information on that though.
The first step is the regular doctor for a physical to include evaluating any medications that are being taken. If all physical causes are eliminated, then on to the therapist.
How old is he? And family history?
we dont know about family history but he is 18. what kind of medications could be taken? i have been working on the phycological issues. he used to not be able to come in me at all with a condom and we worked that out but i am not sure if the original issue will.
I don't understand what ya'll are talking about, everything in the original post sounds like normal issues that countless other guys are going through (am I missing something?):
"my bf does not have orgasms ever....and he does not cum alot"
If he's not having orgasms, then how is he cumming?
"and he is not very sesitive he got soft on me when we were haveing sex"
That happens to a lot of guys (especially just starting out), read the other topics and you'll find numerous posts about it.
"...and has a slow turn around rate (like 1/4 of a day)."
Nothing wrong with that. What are you expecting, a sex machine from a porno? Because thats a longgg way from a young 18 year old guy dealing with nerves, first time issues, everyday stress (which has a tremendous impact on sex), and on top of that, a gf planting ideas in his head that he has something medically wrong with him.
For God sakes, don't try to medicate him.
i see what you are saying but he has a build up and then he comes but when he comes he just has flexing mustles no pleasure. i enjoy haveing sex with him of course. i just dont like haveing it rationed. and i understand that he is not super man. i dont care so much how much he can come i put that in in case that might be important information b/c it seemed relevent.
i do want him to be able to have an orgasm.
i have a theroy that it might be a nerve conection problem b/c he also has spots on his legs that have no feeling.
"don't like having it rationed"...no offense, but unfortunately many women do that to their guy, Now you know how many men feel. And he is not rationing you...you sad he CAN'T...that's not his fault. Maybe you should talk to him about it, and see what his problems are, cuz we won't really be ab le to tell you anything other than suggestions.
Open,
There is much crap here that I do not understand. Medications can cause the symptoms you describe, which are not normal in an 18 yo irrespective of bad information above.
He should see a doctor with a list of what he may be taking. Then an assessment can be made.
he barely takes anything. no medication and it is an on going problem and yea we are going to have him checked out but we have no money for it right now. so i was wondering what other suggestings or experences others had on the topic. just to see what we could try. i love him and this is just something i want to work with him so he can enjoy himself more.
sounds so far like you're the one bothered by it...if he has a serious issue with the way he is, then he will have to figure it out.
well oviously if i have had one and he has not he doesnt know what he is missing so it it not so bad but he has said that he hates that he hasnt.
brandye if the cause in not from medication he is takeing what else could it be (i know that it could be pycological)?
and could medication help?
Maybe I'm missing some critical detail, but as a 20 year old male (who was once an 18 year old male), this all seems normal to me.
For every single one of your points I thought to myself: "I got that too!" and with everyone making it into a medical/psychological issue, I'm beginning to freak out. I hope other guys jump in and share their perspective.
EDIT;
"but he has a build up and then he comes but when he comes he just has flexing mustles no pleasure."
I'd like to also say,,when a guy cums, THAT's an orgasm. Sometimes it feels weak,..a lot of the time it does, actually, so I'm kind of thinking that you're expecting him to have an eyes rolling to the back of the head, "OMG!" earth shattering type of response, when no, that's not what happens (for me anyway, and I assume I'm normal). And how do you know he doesn't have pleasure from it?
"he used to not be able to come in me at all with a condom and we worked that out"
Sometime's I can't cum with a condom on either, sometimes it'll end with me losing an errection after 10 min or so of a good, quality romp with my fiancee. (That happens a lot of time's even without a condom though, too... =( ). Condoms DO feel different irregardless of brands (think about it, it's a BARRIER). I'm really curious about how ya'll cured this issue, and what you found the uderlying psychological cause to be?
"and he is not very sesitive he got soft on me when we were haveing sex"
Are you drawing the conclusion that because he got soft during sex, he is not sensitive? Cause that is incorrect. Or does he truly not feel anything when you touch him down there?
I think youre overanalyzing this way too much.
what you say makes me feel better but it is not like i am like hey he is not doing this so he must not be enjoying himself. he is the one who told me that it feels like nothing when he comes.
and i understand the condom thing i dont really have an orgasm when we use them so that is understandable.
we fixed it with perserverence and him being able to let himself go. and i realise that that would be the cause of most of our issues. we are both open with one another so if he want something he can ask and has but no matter how horrny how long it has been or how good the sex is when he comes it is nothing.
the below is his discription of how things work on his end:
Basically the deal is, the only pleasure I receive is the physical sensation of whatever activity I'm participating in. When I do ejaculate I receive no release, no pleasure, I just basically become unhorny. It is rather frustrating because I feel like I'm missing out on things.
i have to say that has happens to me somtimes. i thought that it happens to everyone at some point. if u go without for a couple of weeks then it is more intense. i'm just saying what works for me not everyone
umm...i'm a female so it's totally different, but i have what i consider to be amazing orgasms USUALLY. Sometimes all it is for me is a release in the sense that the drive is gone...it's not a problem, cuz it does what it ought to. I don't want to read the whole thread again, sorry...so i'll just ask:
-Have you tried any different positions or styles to see if that helped?
-have the orgasms EVER been what he wanted them to be? Like when he masturbated, or before you got together?
-Why don't you see a doctor? (If you think they could help). I know its different in Canada, and I myself can't even get a doctor, but I think that if it;s that important, he should devote some time to finding a doctor to see if there's anything "wrong"
Remember, orgasms are usually different from person to person. What's bad for you could be amazing to someone else. Maybe your expectations are too high?
1. yes and i did not
2. he has never had one
3. we will eventually but have no money for it
he knows what he is talking about that was his response to your last comment it is not like he has ever had a good one and is not happy with me it is that he has never had one and feels like he should.
my reasoning for posting is finding things we could try until we get the money to go to the doc. so we will go to a doc in time when we have the finnancial ability but until then we will try to find something unconventonal that might work.
Open, when a guy cums, THAT is an orgasm. For a guy, that is the climax, the whole goal of sex (cumming). So your guy has reached climax and orgasmed, even if it wasn't what he was expecting. But if he thinks otherwise, then by all means seek out medical help.
try did you read his comments on the subject?
"he below is his discription of how things work on his end:
Basically the deal is, the only pleasure I receive is the physical sensation of whatever activity I'm participating in. When I do ejaculate I receive no release, no pleasure, I just basically become unhorny. It is rather frustrating because I feel like I'm missing out on things."
Did you read what has been said? Even if it's not what he expects, the ejaculation IS his orgasm.
Where do you live that you HAVE to have money to go to a doctor. It may be hard to find one here, but there are always options.
U.S.A and even if insurence covers it concitering it is not life threating i doubt that it does there would be co-payments. and this post is not for weather or not to go to the doc it is about people's suggestions on what to do until then.