i have been with my girlfriend for about 6 months and we have been doing stuff regulary for the whole time. but we have only actually had sex a few times, the other were just oral. we doing this about 4-5 times a week. about 3 weeks ago my girlfriend whos father used to be a pastor and is heavly into god, told me that she can no longer do anything with me. by this she means no oral, no sex, no touching, the only thing ican do is touch her butt everyonce in a while. this is starting to get in the way of our relationship. hanging out with her seems to be almost like were just friends. a few times she actually let me finger her she said that she would give me head after after i was done fingering her she was she said no she couldn't give me head and she felt bad about what she just did. its getting really discouraging and most of the time were together she ends up just fingering herself. what should i do?
Thu, 12/01/2005 - 19:52
#1
god is getting in the way
edit- ah im a fool, i didnt read all the posts since my short attention spans, er well nevermind, and my post is referring to the first post.. and not the OP's second post.. well anyways. i guess i was right..
by reading your post it seems to me that you must be young,(well living with parents, and i guess by the tone of your post, 16ish?)
i dunno, i guess if her father pays for everything she owns.. why cant he say no sex? but then again, when are you two at her house having sex? and if she really wanted to have sex, or give you head, she could easily. IMHO god is not getting in the way, she is getting in the way.
I dont know I think thats a pretty selfish way to think.
Can't punish someone b/c of their beliefs and morals, even if they are encouraged by her father.
Thats a figure in her life that she respects and you shouldn't think less of her for trying to do right by him.
I also dont think we should let religion or our parents COMPLETELY control us like puppets.
Sex is overrated anyhow, and when that initial "lust" starts to slow down some, its good to have something to fall back on, like a friendship.
sorry but her dad didnt tell her or i that we couldnt have sex. thats what she wanted to do. sorry i didnt say that right in the original post. yea she wants to have sex and do stuff but she knows its bad or something. we can kiss but thats it and it really is kinda getting like im in it for nothing, not thats what our whole relationship should be but its a part of it that makes it seem different then just being with one of your friends.
hum... does she want to have sex with you?
What makes me suspicious is that after that long, she said that.. if it was withing weeks, then maybe she felt she was moving too fast, but that much that long... what the heck happened??? Could her dad have said something that scared her? I know i dated a guy whose dad was a pastor, he was 1 of 3 kids, and his parents raised him with the info that his mom got preg with all three of the kids while on the pill and using a condom... the chances of that happening as slim to none if both forms were used correctly, and they are responsible people... so anyway? maybe her dad suspected something, or her mom, and said soemthing that could have scared her away? Just a thought... But i do agree that to get a gift (in a way) and then have it taken away.. thats not fair... well you can have me almost 100% and then after a while, no you cant anymore, oknly 40%, thats kinda... ehhh... good luck!
Kate
Here is my advice. I think that you aren't totally shallow for being upset that there is no physical relationship at all, but if you feel that you could be with this girl for the rest of your life, it would be worth the wait. God is not getting in the way, she is getting in the way. God doesn't control us like that, at least in my opinion.
If she feels like she doesnt want to have sex or do anything sexual for whatever reason, then that is her choice. You should not pressure her at all. But make it known that you feel that the physical side is part of the relationship to you and that you don't know where to go from there.
Its tough, because if I couldn't kiss and do stuff with my girlfriend, it would be fine because our relationship is so much more than the physical, but I sure would miss the affection I can share with her.
I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like she simply isnt ready and maybe you both should go your seperate ways.
Paul
It is COMPLETELY inappropriate and uncalled for that her father is trying to dictate what you two can or cannot do in your sex life. He is not the one in your relationship, and he has no right whatsoever to say, "you cannot touch eachother anymore because God said so." He should not be involved in your sex life at all, if your girlfriend is going to let him be dominant and tell you two what you can or cannot do, I suggest having a serious talk with both of them about it.
-Mariah