Me and my husband have been together for 6 years, although we have only been married about a month. As long as I can remember I have had a problem with giving head. I am good at it (I've been told a few times) but I ABSOLUTELY hate it. I had a horrible experience 1 time when I was much younger. It sort of tainted the issue. I don't mind giving head to my husband in a teasing manner, or during foreplay, or to get him in the mood. I don't mind when it is playful, and is leading somewhere. What I can't handle is when it becomes a drawn out 10 minute ordeal, or that is all my husband wants, or he wants me to finish him off that way. I have a horrible gag reflex, and I also have jaw problems, where my jaw locks. So it becomes seriously uncomfortable for me. Not only that, but for some strange reason, I feel betrayed in a way, that he would rather get a blow job that have sex with me. It seems so un-intimate to me. Not to mention, that I will puke if I taste cum. This all came up because the other night, I caught him off guard while he was on the phone. I was in the mood, so I went down on him. I thought that he would get all hot, and we would finish together. Instead, I continued to go down on him, which I hate, but I knew he was enjoying it. When he was going to cum, he grabbed my head, and pushed me on him, to deep throat. I was gagging and about to throw up. I pulled away, and stopped. He was upset for a minute because I stopped. I was really upset because I don't understand why if I start, why do I HAVE to finish??? Needless to say, it brought back horrible memories, and I stopped immediately. We talked about it, but I still don't think he understands. All that runs through my mind now is that moment, when he grabbed my head, and I was scared, and felt like I didn't have any control. Him getting mad, and finishing himself off. It's so disturbing. He apologized, but I just can't get it out of my head. Does anyone have any insight on this situation?? How can I move on from this? I want to have a great sex life with my husband, where both our needs are met.
Thu, 11/17/2005 - 18:30
#1
Giving Husband Head
Hating to give head sounds entirely psychological for you, and really has nothing to do with the physicality of it. My advice would be to work up to it. Spend a lot of time with other foreplay with him until you feel like it is something you really want to do. Try some new styles. if you usually just go for the shaft, try licking around the balls, so it feels like a new experience. Go slow and do what feels comfortable to you and don't be ashamed to just stop and go on to something else. After all, sexuality is half you, half him, so be sure to make sure it's enjoyable for you as well. Best of luck. Robin
Well, it's a give and take thing no matter what you do sexually. He needs to understand that what he did by pushing your head down was way out of line. I have had that happen to me and like Oberon suggested I came very close to biting him.
I have a major gag refex too and when I'm giving blow jobs I call the shots. I find it best if I decide the position too. I like to be on my side while he comes up to me on his knees. I have much more control or we do a 69 with us on our sides. I'm getting some fun and again I have control over how deep I go and what I do.
It took years before I could stand the taste of sperm. I always kept a glass of water by me to wash it down with. That helped me. Many women simply can't do it and he needs to deal with that.
Changing your mind set on giving blow jobs has to come from both of you. You need to try to rethink your thoughts about it and he needs to be sensitive to your limits.
[QUOTE=Quote ]Giving Husband Head, I need help on this one!!![/QUOTE]
LOL... my first thought with reading this title was... "Well, first, what does he look like?"
Seriously, the best you can do is try to explain to him how you feel and reach a compromise. I, personally, like to give blowjobs, but DON'T go shoving my head down. If he doesn't learn this, I could suggest that biting down there would teach him who's in control of this particular situation.
You're not asking him not to enjoy this... you're just trying to make it enjoyable for you both.
Whoa!
It might be interesting (was to me lol) how my thinking changed as I read your entire post. I think you are very close to a solution to this because you've also discovered how much of this is not about the act of giving head.
You nailed it in your last sentence "where both our needs are met."
He may never fully understand your "horrible experience" any more than you may never fully understand why he wants you to "finish."
One suggestion I might make is that you both talk about what it means to "finish." Giving head is not simply about having a dick in your mouth... it's about making love and enjoying each other. One of the beliefs that prevents us from fully enjoying each other is that all sex has to "lead somewhere." Maybe that's true of sex, but it's not true of making love.
I think you have an opportunity... maybe a lot of opportunities... to learn to share and make love in ways that not only allow both your needs to be met, but also allow you to express your feelings for and about each other.
Seriously,it seems like an honour when a chick goes down on a guy...it truly is a great thing..does your hubby "KNOW" and "understand" the situation from a long ago that tainted your opinion on givng head?? If he doesn't know you MUST tell him. He doesn't know what boundaries he just broke by accident. I'd be seeking professional help via a sex therapist to help you through the situation that happened a long time ago. Don't be embarrassed about it....those people there understand and you'll be so darn relieved after you've dealt with it...