I have been with the same Women for 4 years now and we are about to be married this year. But over the course of our sexual life the one thing I have wanted the most is to experience Oral Sex. I preform it on her every time she will let me and it seems her most intense orgasism come from this, either that or she fakes these and not the vaginal sex ones. But she will never do the same for me, she knows I want it and I try not to push hard but to mention it when ever it seems she might be getting closer to doing it for once. She has used her tongue on me a few times but stops very quickly. The few times I have asked her why she wont she asked me if I would like having a penis in my mouth. Well being a very straight male it is not something I would want and thus dont understand at all what that is supposed to mean. Is this normal? Is there anything that I could say or do to put her mind at ease? I wont ever make her do anything she doesnt want to and I dont want her to feel like she has to do it to keep me either. I have just had the oral fantasy longer then any other sexual fantasy. Well as you can see I am really confused about all this and any advice at all is welcome.
Tue, 01/17/2006 - 02:51
#1
Girlfriend wont give oral
Thanks for the advice. I had though about some of those suggestions before, but when her concern wasnt the cum factor I thought it might be something else. Well no matter what I wont push her and even though it is my strongest fantasy at the present time I wont cheat on her and the rest of our sex life is strong enough to compensate for it.
Hey, I can really understand where your g/f is coming from. When a guy gives oral, a women just lays there-no problems. When a girl gives oral, it has a certain stigma attached to it. Personally, I feel a little cheap and degrated. I'm not saying that that would stop me from doing it but It does make it uncomfortable. Also, her thought
"she asked me if I would like having a penis in my mouth"
Assuming that she has never given oral to anyone, she might be afraid to have your cum in her mouth (it's not exactly the best tasting thing in the world). I can offer these suggestions, if she still refuses-don't push the issue, just because she won't now doesn't mean that she will never feel comfortable with it...give her time.
1.) Ask her if she would like to try a flavored condom or a flavored lube
2.) Offer to tell her when your about to cum so that she won't have it in her mouth(try a washcloth to avoid a mess)
3.) Ask her if it would make her more comfortable if you didn't watch (it seems stupid but still)
A couple of quick thoughts...
One, feelings are not necessarily rational and it's categorically unfair to refuse to acknowledge them. If she feels cheap, she feels cheap.
Two, feelings can be changed -- if the person wants to change them. The red flag I see here is the non-negotiable position and apparent refusal to discuss or deal.
Personally, I'd have a lot of trouble NOT doing something the woman I really love wants, even if it meant overcoming some personal feelings. I'm not saying she should do something because she loves you. Not at all. I am saying that it would trouble me a little that there hasn't been some sort of resolution (that works for both of you) after four years.
It's always about balance. If you are wanting to give up your fantasy, great. That resolves this issue. Are you sure there aren't others?
I'm not sure I totally agree with Brandy regarding the love versus compatibility theory, but I do think that love creates the desire and need for compatibility. Building compatibility takes some skill, falling in love is relatively easy. A lack of compatibility certainly makes love hard.
Your issue might be how you are going to achieve on-going compatibility and there's a lot more involved than oral sex.
The leading madams of the world say they would be out of business if most wives gave oral. We each have our limits and it seems for many women a penis in the mouth is out of bounds. I certainly do not like the taste or consistency of semen, but many women overcome this with all the other joys of performing fellatio. It is possible that, over time, she will relent. Not, however, highly likely. You two had better have a serious talk because if the leading brothel operators of the world say this keeps them in business, you may be joining their clientele someday.
Quote:
Personally, I feel a little cheap and degrated.
How can this be true? Any woman worth her wieght in gold should realise what tremendious power she has over a man while she is on her knees. lol Sounds strange but its true.... How do you think my parnter got her Mercedes?
[QUOTE=Legolas]Quote:
Personally, I feel a little cheap and degrated.
How can this be true? Any woman worth her wieght in gold should realise what tremendious power she has over a man while she is on her knees. lol Sounds strange but its true.... How do you think my parnter got her Mercedes?[/QUOTE]
LOL exactly... and how do prostitutes get free stuff?
For me its kind of like that... not so much the oral part but wanting to cum on your face part :confused:
[QUOTE]Personally, I feel a little cheap and degrated.[/QUOTE]
I really can't understand why anyone could feel that way.
That's like saying walking down the street and seeing two black guys in baggy jeans comming my way is scary.
If you believe he respets you totally how could you feel cheap or degrated by anything that he wants you to do.
The idea that women who give head are cheap is a stereotype and a disgusting one.
And believe it or not, there is just as much of a "stigma" attached to men performing oral on women as women performing oral on men.
I rememeber awhile ago one of my friends attempting to make funny of me by saying that I give her oral so she calls the shots in our relation ship.
I settled it pretty quickly by admitting that I do give her oral, I love doing it and I am not ashamed of it by any means.
Alot of men are extremely embarassed by the fact that they give women oral sex, so don't think we don't get teased by stupid people as much as you do.
Some people see this type of stuff as power or control but it is just like anything else, it only has power if you give it power.
In the long term, do not count on that strength of love. Compatibility counts more in the long run.
Just ask her to be honest with you, don't force the issue as you'll make her too self concious. My Fiancee doesn't like me to cum in her mouth (she did say that may change one day) so she uses a blowjob as part of foreplay (I withdraw before orgasm). But maybe if it is the idea of actually having your penis in her mouth, you have to respect that.
hi all ,
i had this problem b4 but i started with my wife with chocolate souse on my member (not hot ) she liked the teast she start with lick so suck after a while she did without any thing . many women afraid of the teast .
I think at some point in our lives, every woman is disguested at the thought of a penis in her mouth. Kind of like when a guy is a kid and swears he'll never like girls...we all know that changes at some point. So for the most part, women's views on having a penis in her mouth changes. Sometimes it doesn't.
I konw the thought use to gross me out beyond redemption and to make the situation worse, the first two guys I did it too, didn't taste all the great. I'm not talking about their cum (because neither of them did that in my mouth) their penis' just tasted awful. My boyfriend now, however...I don't know what he does differently but I could stay down there for hours. His penis doesn't taste bad and although I may never fully 'love' the taste of his cum, it doesn't bother me like it use too.
Just talk to her. Try to find out exactly WHY she doesn't like it...not saying you have bad hygen and all, but maybe its just the way you taste. Many of my guy friends are always talking about how girls don't taste good well, the same situation goes for men.