Okay heres the story...
Ive been dating someone for a few months now and we just started to have sexual relations. She tells me that shes never orgasmed, so of course I want to make things right and make this happen. Shes only been with 1 guy before and I've been with a few, all of which have (supposedly) orgasmed (altho I never trust a woman when she says that, I go by the signs). Anyway, when im preforming oral on her and/or fingering her, she has all the right signs and tells me it feels great, but just when it seems like shes almost there she says she feels lots of pressure on her clit and when im stimulating her g-spot she says she feels the urge to pee after feeling good for a while (even if shes gone to the bathroom prior). She says that she might be the small percentage of women who never orgasm... and i refuse to believe that! What is the pressure shes talking about? She says she likes the direct stimulation of her clit, but after a while of me licking it or doing ABCs this pressure builds up and she tells me to stop. What should I do? Thanks for the help!!
Tue, 07/10/2007 - 15:11
#1
Girlfriend has never orgasmed... new relationship, want to make things right
Women, unlike men, actually have to learn how to have orgasms. There is little you can do. If she chooses to learn she can visit clitical.com or read Our Bodies Our Selves, but the only thing you can do is your best and remember that this is her responsibility, not yours.
Each of us {male and female) is responsible for our own orgasms. We do not give them away. All any of us can hope for is to help our partner achieve his/her own.
The Anatomy of the Female "O", Answered by Brandye & Dancingdoc2 & Inspired by Godiva
For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm? **
> Shes only been with 1 guy before and I've been with a few, :confused: :eek:
> all of which have (supposedly) orgasmed (altho I never trust a woman when she says that, I go by the signs).
And what signs do you look for?
Do you have other trust issues?
The female orgasm is much more internalized than the male's, as such orgasms often happen with little or no outward indications. This often leads to the question guys regularly ask: "Did you 'cum' (yet)?"
I believe it is good etiquette and a necessary part of feedback to let him know in no uncertain terms when you have climaxed. Feedback can be given verbally or non-verbally. Verbal feedback can be a word or a phrase or some other utterance the two of you work out to convey a specific meaning. The same goes for non-verbal communication that can be a squeeze of the hand or some other form of body language. This and related matters are covered in this essay:
How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?
> she says she feels the urge to pee after feeling good for a while (even if shes gone to the bathroom prior).
It is good that she goes to the bathroom prior to making love. The urge to pee is a false signal that frequently occurs as a result of rubbing the urethra while stimulating the G-spot. If she knows her bladder is empty, then just push right on through the urge--her orgasm will usually be found on the other side.
** Refer to the link, above.
> She says that she might be the small percentage of women who never orgasm... and i refuse to believe that!
Asked and answered, above.
> She says she likes the direct stimulation of her clit, but after a while of me licking it or doing ABCs this pressure builds up and she tells me to stop. What should I do?
Ask for clarification of the facts.
* Does she ever say her clitoris becomes too sensitive to touch just prior to an orgasm?
I'm not certain what the "pressure" is that she refers to. It might be a result of having the urge to pee, and if so, then just try to press on through the urge.
Until she masturbates and learns what it takes to bring about an orgasm there is nothing you can do except to encourage her in this quest. Once she learns and can repeat it regularly and consistently, then she can show you how she does it in order for you to mimic her technique.
For tips and insight into all this and more, please read through some additional essays listed in this Index, either together or individually.
One Stop Shopping--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
be patient and encourage her to masturbate if she doesn't already
hey thanks everyone for the fast responses. I think I understand now, but im not sure how to convey pushing through the urge... do I tell her to just let it go as if she were peeing? Please let me know how to phrase it, because she doesn't quite understand. Thanks again everyone for all your help.
p.s. I meant ive been with a few 'girls' haha
> > If she knows her bladder is empty, then just push right on through the urge--her orgasm will usually be found on the other side.
> I think I understand now, but im not sure how to convey pushing through the urge... do I tell her to just let it go as if she were peeing?
Yes, this would be my recommendation. Just try and relax the PC muscle.
> p.s. I meant ive been with a few 'girls' haha
Yea, I know...I was just yankin' your chain.
thanks so much for all your help guys, hopefully this will lead us in the right direction. We'll keep trying until this happens! Shes agreed to explore using your advice, is there any websites or links you could provide me with exactly where she should go? Is clitical.com the best place for her?
From all you have said SHE is holding back from having orgasms. Tell her to breathe deeply and just go with the feeling rather than fighting it like she has been. She's been tensing up and resisting the orgasm. The urge to urinate is a false signal - she's about to ejaculate and have a G-Spot orgasm - but once again, she's resisting.
It isn't that she cannot - it is that she will not.
Do you see?
"It isn't that she cannot - it is that she will not."
Wow, EvilEvilKitten. That was beautiful...