Hi, my name is David and I'm 21 years old. My girlfriend's name is Amy and she is 20. We have been dating for 2 years now, since the 24th of Sept., but I think we ran into a huge problem. We both play this game called World of Warcraft which I'm sure most of you people have heard of if not, it doesn't really matter. Anyways, I guess since July 2008 she has been talking to this guy on the game. I never got jealous of anything of this sort because it was just usually harmless and she knew her place was with me. About a month ago, she told me she had developed feelings for this guy over the internet that she plays the game with. She told me that she has been heart broken for a few months because I have let the game take me over instead of paying attention to her. Since I wasn't giving her what she wanted which was romance, this guy has been romancing her over the internet. Saying sweet things to her, and he confessed his love for her. The odd thing is she has never seen a picture of him, but he has seen a pic of her before.
One day she came out of the bathroom and I happen to be heading that way, and she started crying and told me she doesn't know if she loves me anymore. We talked for weeks about all of this, but she said she doesn't feel a spark anymore, yet she says she loves me. I noticed a difference in her body language and knew it was more then that. I found out that she has very strong feelings for this guy over the internet and she claims she does for me as well. After a few weeks, I went away for the weekend to give her time to think, but from what I found out she still " doesn't know" What she wants. She tells me every day she loves me a lot and all this stuff. Ever since I found out about all of this, I have been sweeping her off her feet with romantic things, ranging from flowers to romantic dinners, to walking on the beach at night, sunsets, going out to dinner, and everything else you can think of. Now I have access to her AIM logs and WoW Chat logs and I have read them a few times before when I had a feeling she was hiding stuff from me. I have been good about trusting her lately, because I'm trying to get over this whole thing about him and her. The other night at our anniversary dinner, i asked her if we were Ok. (This was about a month after all the shit hit the fan and I heard nothing bad about this) She said she is still trying and she still has feelings for this guy and they just don't go away. I can understand that, but how can she tell me every day she loves me? If she doesn't I think I wouldnt be living here anymore with her. But for some reason I'm still here, she says she loves me a lot, she says " I Tried thinking of life with out you and i cant do it." She wants to do things with me, like going to movies and stuff, yet she still doesnt know who she wants?
I don't really know what I'm asking for her, but I'm so confused about what I should be doing. I've given her some space, i quit the computer stuff so i can focus on what matters to me the most in life. I want to marry her someday, but the way thigns are now I dont know what the hell is going on. She never wants to talk about it because we talked so much about it before. I've cried many times and so has she, but she still doesn't know what she wants to do. When we go out, you wouldnt even guess something was wrong. This is so messed up and twisted I dont know whats going on lol.
What would you guys/girls do? Would you walk away from her? I've read some logs where he said he loved her and she said i love u back to him. I've also seen him say sexual things to her, like "if you dont call back ill have to fuck you even harder and punish you" (bondage sex stuff) Which shes into. I guess we have great sex, but It could be better, and thats why i'm on this site a lot reading things.
What should I do? Should I continue to stick though this? DO I have anything to worry about with this kid over the internet? I mean he tried to kill himself over her at one point, but i personally think this kid is lieing and bullshitting everyone. he makes her feel sorry and bad for him and shes so blindsided by it and wont listen to me. I've tried to ask her to cut it off with him but i get the same shit about, I cant just forget about him that easily.
Anything ANYONE can give that is credible, I would really appreciate it. Sorry for the huge wall of text, but I really need some help here. My life is a living hell right now, I get so paranoid when shes on the game or even on AIM, or at school. I know they text each other too. Its so bad I even dream about this kid coming down here and taking her away, or i dream about her leaving.
Please, anything would help. Thanks for your time....
(Posted this in 2 places because of the amount of views in each section is a lot different. Looking for answers )
[QUOTE=Dbondjuk;225288]she knew her place was with me[/QUOTE]
What exactly do you mean by this?? I couldn't even continue reading your post because this little quote pissed me off.
You might want to fix it by wording it different or elaborating what you meant.
Your predicament is one more example of why people should not enter into an exclusive relationship until ready to settle down with a particular person. Exclusivity comes before engagement. Unless or until a couple reaches this benchmark we should be dating lots of people non-exclusively.
The reason people date should be to learn what humanity has to offer us and then to recognize what we want in and from other people. This is true for teens, young adults, and older people who now find themselves single again for whatever reason. For teens and young adults in particular, dating a person exclusively sets a couple up for lots of drama and trauma in a relationship. This is mainly because of immaturity and an inability (yet) to interact with others in a positive and complimenting manner.
As people grow and mature we also change our perspective on life and in what characteristics appeal to us--now, vs. before. This is all the more reason to date lots of people, learn from each, and not be exclusive with anyone until it looks like Mr. or Ms. Right as come along.
A person who is 16 or 17 is not likely to be in love with the same person a year or two or three later.
LOVE:
Loving a person is not the same as "being in love". The two are vastly different. "Love" is a stronger emotion than "like"; " being in love" involves the passion and romantic aspects of emotions that are linked to a specific individual. We can "love" a friend, pet, or, family member; however, the affection we feel is different than for one with whom we are "in love".
Your girlfriend is evolving as she continues to mature. It is very likely that in this change she is demoting her feelings from passion to a liking for you. If true, then I recommend moving on and just being friends for you two are no longer a match. It is OK to not know how she feels about you and to try and sort them out, however, because she is not willing to work on the relationship with you, pretty much means that it is over.
Date many more people and learn more about women and what characteristics appeal to you. Please read the article on this topic that is listed in the Index.
THE INTERNET:
Falling for or finding an attraction toward someone is common place. Back in the days of pen, paper, or typewriters, people regularly developed bonds with others nearby or a world away. These friendships were called "pen pals". My first "relationship" was with a fellow sixth grader who lived in Sydney, Australia. Subsequent pals and I carried on friendships with tape recorders, mailing 3" reels of tape back and forth.
I do not think it likely or practical for someone to get all emotionally entwined with the idea of being "in love" with someone you have never met. Like? Yes. By "met" I mean having a personal face-to-face live in person meeting. Seeing someone on a computer monitor is not live and in person. My guess is your girlfriend is searching for a personal connection with someone and what she thinks as "being in love" is really just a strong affection for this person on the other end of the modem.