depends on the girl, if i like her then yes, if we didn't have a spark then no. if my girlfriend had to get one i would stay with her. in fact if that is a condition for a guy to date a girl (meaning that he wouldn't date one who had either situation doc mentioned) then he isn't worth her time and same goes for girls who wouldn't date a guy with one
Doesn't "stoma" apply to whatever artificial hole you make in the body to bypass natural flow (bowels, airways, bladder),
whereas tracheotomy refers specifically to a small incision when someone can't breath through their nose and mouth?
If someone has had one in the past (like emergency when nearly suffocating from a blockage in the throat), who would care about a tiny scar? If someone has one now; what would you consider to be the problem?
Btw: I have seen people wearing decorative caps, making it look like a choker necklace. Looks quite good.
It seems interesting to me you ask these questions, dear Swiftychick... Is this thread to be viewed as a more precise description of the former (http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing-him/29797-dating-someone-disabi...)? My answer to this thread would be the same as for the other... I wonder; is it because you have or have had a tracheotomy yourself? Or someone close to you?
I've been chatting with a girl that has one, she has a boyfriend and he apparently loves her. I think that she's still cute, the tracheotomy doesn't make a difference to me.
I think the tracheotomy is the surgical procedure that is done and the stoma is what the person can 'have'. I wouldn't be that grossed out about it existing, just wonder if food or liquids run out of it sometimes or if it makes weird sounds / smells which could be a bit sorta 'in need of getting used to'.
O, that's what you meant KKC. Sorry misunderstood. They indeed refer to it as the resulting stoma from a tracheotomy. On a throat I've only seen it with the cap-decoration. Since it's an incision in the trachea, I can't see how "food" would come through there :) Fluids as in; slimy substances naturally present in the trachea? Perhaps... that's really where my knowledge about this ends...
In general on this subject: For those thinking it will never be possible to look past a physical adjustment, imperfections or decease of your lover's body, here's a funny conversation about 2 years ago; my bf and I both lay naked in bed. And he said he'd never really be as naked as I since he'd always be wearing something. So I playfully went checking his body for clothes and after a thoroughly inspection concluded he was totally naked. He looked at me smiling "You really don't understand what I mean, do you?" No. That moment he concluded I really looked past the stoma on his belly. And that's true; there was not a second I had thought of it! To me it's how I know him, just as much part of him as any other :)
@Ducy,
I can understand the bad memories; those can really have an impact on your life. The trigger is very logical; it will probably remind you of him and that horrible illness. However; cancer is never a pretty sight. The sight may be way better with someone who has it for another condition. And there may come a time when you will be able to look at it as something that's part of her, instead of part of your past.
With bisexuality... The point is she left you for another person, yet your mind has made bisexuality a trigger. One bad experience can't be transferred to other bisexuals. Let's face it; if I had transferred my past; I'd be having trouble with all heterosexual men! Which admittedly; I did to some point, but fought off every time again I felt it surfacing. I considered it an irrational and unfair fear. A friend of mine considered it a miracle that I did, cause there are too many parts of my past that could make me behave otherwise.
I'm not trying to diminish anything here, Ducy! Cause really; I understand how past experiences can have a severe impact. It's just the fact; it's in your head. In my opinion; every person deserves a fair chance, despite my history and irrational fears. I'm not saying it's the same as what you're experiencing, but I hope it's encouragement that you can get over it if you want to! :)
Honestly. Idk. I mean my grandfather had one and it really bothered me. He had throat cancer, died on the table (was revived) and he would cough up blood and "scabs". So I kinda associate a stoma with a some hard memories.
Just like I'm not sure if I could date a girl who is bisexual. Why? My ex fiance started off as "bi" she left me for my female cousin and it was a huge fiasco. No I associate these issues bad memories with it. Nothing wrong being bisexual. But it is the fear of history repeating itself that makes it hard
[QUOTE=RedRoses;266025]In general on this subject: For those thinking it will never be possible to look past a physical adjustment, imperfections or decease of your lover's body, here's a funny conversation about 2 years ago; my bf and I both lay naked in bed. And he said he'd never really be as naked as I since he'd always be wearing something. So I playfully went checking his body for clothes and after a thoroughly inspection concluded he was totally naked. He looked at me smiling "You really don't understand what I mean, do you?" No. That moment he concluded I really looked past the stoma on his belly. And that's true; there was not a second I had thought of it! To me it's how I know him, just as much part of him as any other :)
@Ducy,
I can understand the bad memories; those can really have an impact on your life. The trigger is very logical; it will probably remind you of him and that horrible illness. However; cancer is never a pretty sight. The sight may be way better with someone who has it for another condition. And there may come a time when you will be able to look at it as something that's part of her, instead of part of your past.
With bisexuality... The point is she left you for another person, yet your mind has made bisexuality a trigger. One bad experience can't be transferred to other bisexuals. Let's face it; if I had transferred my past; I'd be having trouble with all heterosexual men! Which admittedly; I did to some point, but fought off every time again I felt it surfacing. I considered it an irrational and unfair fear. A friend of mine considered it a miracle that I did, cause there are too many parts of my past that could make me behave otherwise.
I'm not trying to diminish anything here, Ducy! Cause really; I understand how past experiences can have a severe impact. It's just the fact; it's in your head. In my opinion; every person deserves a fair chance, despite my history and irrational fears. I'm not saying it's the same as what you're experiencing, but I hope it's encouragement that you can get over it if you want to! :)[/QUOTE]
I completely understand. I'm sure if it wasn't a case of my grandfather (perhaps a friend or someone who had it for a different medical reason) then id have no issue. Its something I try to work past. Not necessarily the stoma issue since I've never met anyone else. But negative thoughts associated with something.
As far as the bisexuality. Its not that I'm disgusted by it. The things I went through were terrible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. I had posted about her A LOT when I was with her (between 07 and december of 08) it wasn't just the leaving me. She constantly broke up with me, got into an emotional relationship with a girl from her school then a physical relationshith my cousin (while with me). Used me. Knew I was still in love so would make plans to hang with me tell her mom shed be with me and then not show up or talk to me for a feww days (until her mom would call me screaming at me) and then I was the bad guy for not covering for her when I was totally confused.
So these negatives thoughts are much harder to get over. I have had my share of partners but its basically a turn off in a relationship (although pretty awesome when out with her other bi friends ;p) I know some lesbians who won't date bisexual girls simply because they can compete with other lesbians, but now with men (a functioning penis is very deifficult to compete with when you don't have one)
I do try though but its like a phobia. You can't get over it without subjecting yourself to it, and since I don't date too many girls right now I don't see it happening anytime soon.
I guess that's true; how a phobia needs subjecting yourself to it... Though I wouldn't underestimate the power of the mind. That is ultimately the place where the fear is. It has been triggered from the outside, but it has lived past the experience and becomes like a film covering the perception outside world (that's how I'd personally describe it). So I figured I was the only one that could change that. I think anyone can in their own time.
O, and I didn't mean to say she "just" left you. More that her actions, which are very foul indeed, mattered instead of her bisexuality. Or maybe I am not getting it; would it have been more easy on you if those girls had been guys? This is by no means a rhetorical question.
Hmmm, I have heard of that; unfair physical competition... Good thing I don't like competitions anyways :rolleyes: I very much favor personality over any physical aspect. Except perhaps; the physical capability of making love resulting in conceiving. A marvelous aspect unique to male-female-relationships. However; since that requires less physicality and more personality and this aspect of sex seems to be primarily viewed as a dangerous and life-wracking burden; men seem to have lost their physical unique selling point ;):):D
Honestly if she left me for a guy it wouldn't have been so bad. I've been cheated on both ways (gf gets with a guy or a girl) the girl one hurts more because its something I couldn't achieve. She screws another guy? Bfd I can be "better" than him. If he's muscular than I hit the gym. He's smart? I go to schoo.l. Big penis? I learn to be ten times better than him in bed. With a women it is impossible. I can't grow breasts or a vagina. I can develop a slender hourglass shape.
I know you weren't saying she "just" left me. My apologies if my post came out that way lol I was simply stating it was a lot more than her leaving me that caused negative associations with bisexuality
I think I understand what you're trying to say...
But Ducy; might you ever get in such a situation again (even though I wish you will not):
Don't do all those things to win her (back). Or think of what you could or could not be, comparing yourself to your "rivals". Just be you! She needs to love you for the person you are. Off course you may challenge and improve yourself; all the qualities you refer to certainly seem like good ones to invest in. Partners can also be of great loving support when it comes to discovering your strengths and weaknesses and allowing yourself to develop and grow. But don't change yourself only to please someone else.
This may seem weird from the mouth of someone who hasn't been through romantic break-up. But I have been through "break-up" with my family after years of struggling to keep them with me; those people I thought were always going to be there and only death could come in between. It didn't matter what I did to please them... I've chosen to be "me", cause that is the only person I am sure of I will have to live with for my entire life. In the end the only thing that's left is the integrity of your own mind.
Ya I have become a pro at cutting all emotional ties in split second. If a girl breaks up with me for someone else so be it. If she feels I'm not good enough then I "wasn't" so I don't take her back since I will always be "me" and won't change.
I don't try to win people back either. I lived with a girl. We were "best friends" (I use quotes because she was treating me like dirt near the end of our friendship) I moved out to care for my sick grandparents and she said to never talk to her again and she spread lies and rumors to my friends and family members of my friends. I didn't try to win her back. The moment she said we weren't friends I laughed and walked out. Didn't look back.
But then again it wasn't romantic love. in fact I haven't felt the same way about anyone as I had with my ex. So maybe that's why I haven't had any problems
Sorry to hear they've treated you so poorly...
I wish you the best and that you may find that romantic love again! :)
__________________
Sex and love are two totally different things. They do not go hand in hand.
SEX IS MECHANICAL....LOVE IS EMOTIONAL...HOW IS MECHANICAL EMOTIONAL OR EMOTIONAL MECHANICAL?
Answer to that may be: because it's both physical and our bodies run on chemistry. It's that complex chemistry that makes it possible for love and sex, emotions and mechanics to go hand in hand, but also possible to occur apart from each other. Yep; life is one grand BASF-commercial! ;)
And I wonder; did you ever find out about the bears? :rolleyes:
I'm bisexual,and i would date a male or female that has had one,which has left a scar,or currently had one.As weasel said if you love someone,it shouldn't make any difference.I certainly wouldn't break up with my partner if they had to have a tracheotomy.
My ex had a scar across her cheek. She tripped and pulled a glass table down that landed on her face (wen from a half inch below her temply to a half inch from her nose) I always found it so sexy. But then again I have seen some gnarly scars on girls that weren't so attractive (mostly when they keloid (sp?))
For some reason, the girls i have talked to about anything sexual, all agreed that scars are sexy on a man. But it is different on a woman. I have a colostomy scar (from a birth defect, they gave me a colostomy for a year then fixed me, was safer that way) For those who don't know, a colostomy scar is right under the right ribcage in the front that extends horizontally so that one of the points lines up with my edge of my right areola and the other is inline with my belly button. Scars show that a man has survived a phsyical event, which to the more primative parts of the brain says "I can survive" which means that the offspring will survive.
But a woman with a scar can seem "Damaged" to alot of men. It is a sad thing to see that a woman has undergone something like that. It is naturally how we think.
With the bisexuality, it shouldnt be a big deal. Maybe she prefers men, but she might have liked how that other girl ACTED. you can change your body. You can become smarter. You can learn mind blowing technique in bed, BUT you cannot become another person.
What about ceaserian scars on women,i'm sure their partners would find it sexy as that is where the offspring came from.However another man in a relationship with that same woman further down the track may not like it as it was not his child that she gave birth to.We all have scars of some kind.I have them on my hand where i put it under a hot iron,immunisation scars,and others elsewhere on my body that are more private.So what it is the whole person that attracts me,not just their outside appearance,personality means much more to me than looks.
Please clarify: do you mean with an active tracheotomy or a person with a scar from having one sometime in the past?
Because you've asked the question, for you personally, I would say: no.
depends on the girl, if i like her then yes, if we didn't have a spark then no. if my girlfriend had to get one i would stay with her. in fact if that is a condition for a guy to date a girl (meaning that he wouldn't date one who had either situation doc mentioned) then he isn't worth her time and same goes for girls who wouldn't date a guy with one
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;265608]Please clarify: do you mean with an active tracheotomy or a person with a scar from having one sometime in the past?
Because you've asked the question, for you personally, I would say: no.[/QUOTE]
I could not agree more strongly to the latter part of the response from Dancingdoc2!
I think you mean stoma
Doesn't "stoma" apply to whatever artificial hole you make in the body to bypass natural flow (bowels, airways, bladder),
whereas tracheotomy refers specifically to a small incision when someone can't breath through their nose and mouth?
If someone has had one in the past (like emergency when nearly suffocating from a blockage in the throat), who would care about a tiny scar? If someone has one now; what would you consider to be the problem?
Btw: I have seen people wearing decorative caps, making it look like a choker necklace. Looks quite good.
It seems interesting to me you ask these questions, dear Swiftychick... Is this thread to be viewed as a more precise description of the former (http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing-him/29797-dating-someone-disabi...)? My answer to this thread would be the same as for the other... I wonder; is it because you have or have had a tracheotomy yourself? Or someone close to you?
I've been chatting with a girl that has one, she has a boyfriend and he apparently loves her. I think that she's still cute, the tracheotomy doesn't make a difference to me.
I think the tracheotomy is the surgical procedure that is done and the stoma is what the person can 'have'. I wouldn't be that grossed out about it existing, just wonder if food or liquids run out of it sometimes or if it makes weird sounds / smells which could be a bit sorta 'in need of getting used to'.
O, that's what you meant KKC. Sorry misunderstood. They indeed refer to it as the resulting stoma from a tracheotomy. On a throat I've only seen it with the cap-decoration. Since it's an incision in the trachea, I can't see how "food" would come through there :) Fluids as in; slimy substances naturally present in the trachea? Perhaps... that's really where my knowledge about this ends...
[QUOTE=KatKilledCuriousity;265669]just wonder if food or liquids run out of it sometimes[/QUOTE]
the trachea is used for air, your esophagus is used for food and drinks, two different tubes two different functions
In general on this subject: For those thinking it will never be possible to look past a physical adjustment, imperfections or decease of your lover's body, here's a funny conversation about 2 years ago; my bf and I both lay naked in bed. And he said he'd never really be as naked as I since he'd always be wearing something. So I playfully went checking his body for clothes and after a thoroughly inspection concluded he was totally naked. He looked at me smiling "You really don't understand what I mean, do you?" No. That moment he concluded I really looked past the stoma on his belly. And that's true; there was not a second I had thought of it! To me it's how I know him, just as much part of him as any other :)
@Ducy,
I can understand the bad memories; those can really have an impact on your life. The trigger is very logical; it will probably remind you of him and that horrible illness. However; cancer is never a pretty sight. The sight may be way better with someone who has it for another condition. And there may come a time when you will be able to look at it as something that's part of her, instead of part of your past.
With bisexuality... The point is she left you for another person, yet your mind has made bisexuality a trigger. One bad experience can't be transferred to other bisexuals. Let's face it; if I had transferred my past; I'd be having trouble with all heterosexual men! Which admittedly; I did to some point, but fought off every time again I felt it surfacing. I considered it an irrational and unfair fear. A friend of mine considered it a miracle that I did, cause there are too many parts of my past that could make me behave otherwise.
I'm not trying to diminish anything here, Ducy! Cause really; I understand how past experiences can have a severe impact. It's just the fact; it's in your head. In my opinion; every person deserves a fair chance, despite my history and irrational fears. I'm not saying it's the same as what you're experiencing, but I hope it's encouragement that you can get over it if you want to! :)
Honestly. Idk. I mean my grandfather had one and it really bothered me. He had throat cancer, died on the table (was revived) and he would cough up blood and "scabs". So I kinda associate a stoma with a some hard memories.
Just like I'm not sure if I could date a girl who is bisexual. Why? My ex fiance started off as "bi" she left me for my female cousin and it was a huge fiasco. No I associate these issues bad memories with it. Nothing wrong being bisexual. But it is the fear of history repeating itself that makes it hard
[QUOTE=RedRoses;266025]In general on this subject: For those thinking it will never be possible to look past a physical adjustment, imperfections or decease of your lover's body, here's a funny conversation about 2 years ago; my bf and I both lay naked in bed. And he said he'd never really be as naked as I since he'd always be wearing something. So I playfully went checking his body for clothes and after a thoroughly inspection concluded he was totally naked. He looked at me smiling "You really don't understand what I mean, do you?" No. That moment he concluded I really looked past the stoma on his belly. And that's true; there was not a second I had thought of it! To me it's how I know him, just as much part of him as any other :)
@Ducy,
I can understand the bad memories; those can really have an impact on your life. The trigger is very logical; it will probably remind you of him and that horrible illness. However; cancer is never a pretty sight. The sight may be way better with someone who has it for another condition. And there may come a time when you will be able to look at it as something that's part of her, instead of part of your past.
With bisexuality... The point is she left you for another person, yet your mind has made bisexuality a trigger. One bad experience can't be transferred to other bisexuals. Let's face it; if I had transferred my past; I'd be having trouble with all heterosexual men! Which admittedly; I did to some point, but fought off every time again I felt it surfacing. I considered it an irrational and unfair fear. A friend of mine considered it a miracle that I did, cause there are too many parts of my past that could make me behave otherwise.
I'm not trying to diminish anything here, Ducy! Cause really; I understand how past experiences can have a severe impact. It's just the fact; it's in your head. In my opinion; every person deserves a fair chance, despite my history and irrational fears. I'm not saying it's the same as what you're experiencing, but I hope it's encouragement that you can get over it if you want to! :)[/QUOTE]
I completely understand. I'm sure if it wasn't a case of my grandfather (perhaps a friend or someone who had it for a different medical reason) then id have no issue. Its something I try to work past. Not necessarily the stoma issue since I've never met anyone else. But negative thoughts associated with something.
As far as the bisexuality. Its not that I'm disgusted by it. The things I went through were terrible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. I had posted about her A LOT when I was with her (between 07 and december of 08) it wasn't just the leaving me. She constantly broke up with me, got into an emotional relationship with a girl from her school then a physical relationshith my cousin (while with me). Used me. Knew I was still in love so would make plans to hang with me tell her mom shed be with me and then not show up or talk to me for a feww days (until her mom would call me screaming at me) and then I was the bad guy for not covering for her when I was totally confused.
So these negatives thoughts are much harder to get over. I have had my share of partners but its basically a turn off in a relationship (although pretty awesome when out with her other bi friends ;p) I know some lesbians who won't date bisexual girls simply because they can compete with other lesbians, but now with men (a functioning penis is very deifficult to compete with when you don't have one)
I do try though but its like a phobia. You can't get over it without subjecting yourself to it, and since I don't date too many girls right now I don't see it happening anytime soon.
I guess that's true; how a phobia needs subjecting yourself to it... Though I wouldn't underestimate the power of the mind. That is ultimately the place where the fear is. It has been triggered from the outside, but it has lived past the experience and becomes like a film covering the perception outside world (that's how I'd personally describe it). So I figured I was the only one that could change that. I think anyone can in their own time.
O, and I didn't mean to say she "just" left you. More that her actions, which are very foul indeed, mattered instead of her bisexuality. Or maybe I am not getting it; would it have been more easy on you if those girls had been guys? This is by no means a rhetorical question.
Hmmm, I have heard of that; unfair physical competition... Good thing I don't like competitions anyways :rolleyes: I very much favor personality over any physical aspect. Except perhaps; the physical capability of making love resulting in conceiving. A marvelous aspect unique to male-female-relationships. However; since that requires less physicality and more personality and this aspect of sex seems to be primarily viewed as a dangerous and life-wracking burden; men seem to have lost their physical unique selling point ;):):D
Honestly if she left me for a guy it wouldn't have been so bad. I've been cheated on both ways (gf gets with a guy or a girl) the girl one hurts more because its something I couldn't achieve. She screws another guy? Bfd I can be "better" than him. If he's muscular than I hit the gym. He's smart? I go to schoo.l. Big penis? I learn to be ten times better than him in bed. With a women it is impossible. I can't grow breasts or a vagina. I can develop a slender hourglass shape.
I know you weren't saying she "just" left me. My apologies if my post came out that way lol I was simply stating it was a lot more than her leaving me that caused negative associations with bisexuality
I think I understand what you're trying to say...
But Ducy; might you ever get in such a situation again (even though I wish you will not):
Don't do all those things to win her (back). Or think of what you could or could not be, comparing yourself to your "rivals". Just be you! She needs to love you for the person you are. Off course you may challenge and improve yourself; all the qualities you refer to certainly seem like good ones to invest in. Partners can also be of great loving support when it comes to discovering your strengths and weaknesses and allowing yourself to develop and grow. But don't change yourself only to please someone else.
This may seem weird from the mouth of someone who hasn't been through romantic break-up. But I have been through "break-up" with my family after years of struggling to keep them with me; those people I thought were always going to be there and only death could come in between. It didn't matter what I did to please them... I've chosen to be "me", cause that is the only person I am sure of I will have to live with for my entire life. In the end the only thing that's left is the integrity of your own mind.
Ya I have become a pro at cutting all emotional ties in split second. If a girl breaks up with me for someone else so be it. If she feels I'm not good enough then I "wasn't" so I don't take her back since I will always be "me" and won't change.
I don't try to win people back either. I lived with a girl. We were "best friends" (I use quotes because she was treating me like dirt near the end of our friendship) I moved out to care for my sick grandparents and she said to never talk to her again and she spread lies and rumors to my friends and family members of my friends. I didn't try to win her back. The moment she said we weren't friends I laughed and walked out. Didn't look back.
But then again it wasn't romantic love. in fact I haven't felt the same way about anyone as I had with my ex. So maybe that's why I haven't had any problems
Sorry to hear they've treated you so poorly...
I wish you the best and that you may find that romantic love again! :)
__________________
Sex and love are two totally different things. They do not go hand in hand.
SEX IS MECHANICAL....LOVE IS EMOTIONAL...HOW IS MECHANICAL EMOTIONAL OR EMOTIONAL MECHANICAL?
Answer to that may be: because it's both physical and our bodies run on chemistry. It's that complex chemistry that makes it possible for love and sex, emotions and mechanics to go hand in hand, but also possible to occur apart from each other. Yep; life is one grand BASF-commercial! ;)
And I wonder; did you ever find out about the bears? :rolleyes:
I'm bisexual,and i would date a male or female that has had one,which has left a scar,or currently had one.As weasel said if you love someone,it shouldn't make any difference.I certainly wouldn't break up with my partner if they had to have a tracheotomy.
My ex had a scar across her cheek. She tripped and pulled a glass table down that landed on her face (wen from a half inch below her temply to a half inch from her nose) I always found it so sexy. But then again I have seen some gnarly scars on girls that weren't so attractive (mostly when they keloid (sp?))
For some reason, the girls i have talked to about anything sexual, all agreed that scars are sexy on a man. But it is different on a woman. I have a colostomy scar (from a birth defect, they gave me a colostomy for a year then fixed me, was safer that way) For those who don't know, a colostomy scar is right under the right ribcage in the front that extends horizontally so that one of the points lines up with my edge of my right areola and the other is inline with my belly button. Scars show that a man has survived a phsyical event, which to the more primative parts of the brain says "I can survive" which means that the offspring will survive.
But a woman with a scar can seem "Damaged" to alot of men. It is a sad thing to see that a woman has undergone something like that. It is naturally how we think.
With the bisexuality, it shouldnt be a big deal. Maybe she prefers men, but she might have liked how that other girl ACTED. you can change your body. You can become smarter. You can learn mind blowing technique in bed, BUT you cannot become another person.
What about ceaserian scars on women,i'm sure their partners would find it sexy as that is where the offspring came from.However another man in a relationship with that same woman further down the track may not like it as it was not his child that she gave birth to.We all have scars of some kind.I have them on my hand where i put it under a hot iron,immunisation scars,and others elsewhere on my body that are more private.So what it is the whole person that attracts me,not just their outside appearance,personality means much more to me than looks.