Sex is often a symptom of deeper problems rather than the problem itself. Your post has hints that something else is going on -such as his being rather non-communicative. If he does not respond to your request, perhaps some assisted conversation in a counselor's office is indicated.

he may feel like his advances are going un-noticed, if you don't flirt back already then try that, if you do flirt back then i have no clue

[QUOTE=MrsGSpot;255473]?????

Most times we do have sex...it's those times I get the mixed signals....acting like he really wants to do it and then when nighttime comes, he apparently doesn't. VERY frustrating. I'm not psychic, how do I know when he "really" wants it as opposed to just "pretending to".[/QUOTE]

It could easily just be that he wants to 'please' you by means of teasing and small acts to show you how much you attract him during the day without actually looking for sex that day. We men are often told that women enjoy and appreciate hugging, kissing, snuggling up and other such acts even on their own, without these necessarily leading to sex. Indeed men are told that they should strive to do this on a regular basis to show their appreciation for their wives/parteners/girlfriends and not automatically think of it as a prelude to sex.

As such, it is entirely feasible that he has internalized that kind of advice and is 'being a good husband' plus enjoys these acts on their own, independent of actual sex. When you tried to talk to him about it he may have been surprised or even slightly shocked that you consider this wrong and thus apologized but went quiet, not being able to think of response immediately beyond the apology.

Dear MrsGSpot, how fascinating to read someone's thread that describes exactly how I feel sometimes! So I just want to let you know you're not the only woman :) I can not tell you anything about the 'why' in your relationship... I guess it different to each person and each relationship.

In my situation Humble's reply gets close. Accept for the fact that my bf simply IS a person who just loves to cuddle (very sweet, I know). So he does this during the day. Another thing is that he often is too tired to actually have sex in the evening. So he sometimes will start fondling my body to please me (and I know this pleases him to some degree as well!). Thing I just can't handle, and never could since the beginning of the relationship, is exactly the situation you describe! When the evening comes, he sits down by the tele. After that he'll brush his teeth, start undressing, lies next to me, roles over and... (up till this moment I have not got a clue!) instead of giving me a goodnight-kiss, looks at me directly and starts caressing. So, all I get is the way he looks at me that tells! And this usually means we have to take it slowly, cause I need 'time' to get to the point when I'm ready to receive. In the beginning I've pointed out this behavior and he actively made sure I knew before we went upstairs (just that look is enough). Nowadays, it's back to his 'normal' business. I would remind him, but I wouldn't want to confront him too much with the fact we don't have sex often. (he's so tired, because he is chronically ill) And I guess a reminder would only stick if we would do it regularly ;)

Anyways, like I said: couldn't possibly say what's up with your husband. I'm just sending you my thoughts and experiences, hoping it might help :) I do reckon it helped us when I simply explained to him how confusing his behavior was to me... So maybe you should just bring it up? Just don't bring it up when he gets to bed from the tele or when he's fondling again and you're feeling angry cause you know it's gonna happen again... Just mention this at a moment of the day you both are relaxed (after diner or something like that?). Like humble said: maybe he's in for the surprise of his life! :)

Glad to be of help MrsGSpot! :) It is often best not to automatically assume the worst when something goes wrong - oftentimes problems arise from what are initially simple misunderstandings and only grow to become something bigger when both sides keep on misinterpreting each other's reactions.

I wish you luck in resolving your issue. Perhaps one way to resolve it would be to agree with your husband on 'signal boundaries'. You could agree that in order to avoid confusion on your part as to when your husband is thinking of sex rather than just showing affection, he will not cross certain boundaries (that you can mutually agree on) unless he is actually desiring of sex so that you don't feel led on. So for example, such boundaries could include the dry humping from behind you mentioned. You could agree with him ahead of time that doing so will be interpreted as desire for sex, but just kissing and hugging would be merely showing affection. Just tell him that you enjoy it all, but cannot interpret the more subtle signals he may be sending (if he is even sending more subtle signals), so such separation would make you more comfortable by reducing the room for misinterpretation.

Well, it's just an idea anyway, but it could work.

Talk Humble is proposing is the same I had with my bf in the beginning :) Mentioning that I felt confused, pointing out what confused me and him deciding on that he would adjust to it. His way was by looking at me 'that' way earlier in the evening. We didn't really discuss this method prior, but yes: you could. And we didn't set any boundaries on the cuddling dry-humping, as we like it both, but yes: you could. O, and very important: last little bit of this talk we promised we would speak up, should it not 'work' for either of us. It really worked well! And I guess such 'open' conversations usually do :)

Sometimes the most obvious and simple answer is the correct one. It sounds to me like your husband is exhausted after a long day. So even though he has the urge and is lusty during the day when he has the energy for it, come evening and night and he just can't get himself together or find the strength.

Is there no possible way for you to sneak out and have sex in another room than the kids or maybe take a long bath together? How young are they?

My parents would often shower together in the morning or just after work (they would also shower alone at these hours, so the rutine of the showering wasn't odd at all), and as a child I thought nothing of it. Today I think the idea is brilliant - sex in the shower can be very sexy and giving, with the hot water rushing down and both of you all naked - and the sound of the water etc. makes it hard to hear any noises, should something slip your lips.

Problem is that a lot of parents don't want to have sex while their children are awake, even if they are in another part of the house. So they wait for nightfall and then they are too tired to bother.

Another idea is to go to lunch together and instead of going out you could meet at a motel or find a deserted spot in a park or parking lot.
A friend of mine is a mother of 3, her and her husband often meet up during lunch hours. She thinks it's fun to try out different things that way. And often they get extra energy from it to continue the sex after the children have been tugged in.

In other words, try to be creative and spontanious even though you have children. Make a little sport of it, finding new places and new ways.

Also, why not set the morning alarm for 30 minutes earlier than normal and wake him up with a blow job? When he's all worked up you can escalate it into regular sex.

Excuse me but you're putting a lot of pressure on him by always expecting him to initiate sex. Please try to throw that idea of yours out the window. Few things are more attractive to a red-blooded man than a comely wife who wants him. You don't have to be too overt about it if you feel insecure. One woman I know brushes her hair as the "game on" signal to her husband. Since I have no fear that I will be rejected no matter how tired he is, I just begin with fellatio. Seems to get his attention. No mixed signal there, right? Not that he ever complains. After more than 30 years of marriage, he's more than willing to enjoy whatever I have in mind whenever I have it in mind. Poor man - he's sooo mistreated. "Hey, hun - want to go for a car ride?" Yes, we have kids too.

[QUOTE=weasel;255471]he may feel like his advances are going un-noticed, if you don't flirt back already then try that, if you do flirt back then i have no clue[/QUOTE]

I was going to say this exact same thing. I am married as well, and if I am being very affectionate and flirty with my wife, its because I am trying to build up a response for some bedroom fun later. If she isn't very receiving or she doesn't return the advances, then I give up. Once a married man "gives up" on the attempt at arousal, its over. Once I kick my feet up and put on a good "man show" , sorry honey, you'd need to come downstairs naked and sit on my lap to interrupt me.

I would say that this isn't anything too serious, but rather your husband is not getting the vibe from you that you ARE turned on and you DO want him. So he resorts to "giving up".

Step up your game. When he's passionately kissing you during the day or something, grab his crotch. Grab his ass. Nibble his ear or something. Whisper that you want his big hard dick later.

Guys are horrible at interpreting signs. We suck at communication. My wife is so difficult to read sometimes, that I don't know if she wants me or not. You women have to be more concise!! If you WANT IT, MAKE IT KNOWN!! Sounds silly but serious, be straight forward. If he plops his ass on the couch at night, and you want to fuck, well get your ass down there, jump on his lap, put your tits in his face and I guarantee he's going to carry you upstairs and give you what you want. If he doesn't, well then its time to see a marriage counselor or psychologist.

Every single time my wife has come on to me hard, I get hard and it is game on! You need to be more aggressive.

I also want to note - that I have experienced a change in my wife as well regarding sexual response. She feels like she doesn't HAVE to initiate sex because I always do. This is bullshit.

Sexual relationships should be 50/50. I've told my wife before, when you are horny, when you WANT me, then go for it. I will never reject you. As a man, I can tell you that it gets pretty damn annoying and frustrating when we ALWAYS have to initiate with the woman. That alone can be a huge turn off. He's coming onto you all day, and you're not returning any of the advancements, thats enough of a turn off to sit on the couch and say the hell with sex. Trust me, I've been there, done that. Even had my wife come back downstairs and say "I thought you wanted sex". My response "I did. But apparently you didn't want it.".

Girls...take notes. Guys want sex anytime and anywhere. Stop fearing rejection and start showing your sexual arousal more often.

[quote]Girls...take notes. Guys want sex anytime and anywhere. Stop fearing rejection and start showing your sexual arousal more often.[/quote]
Well I guess you're right 99 out of 100 or so (I happen to know at least 1, but heej, that's do to specific reasons ;)). And I guess it's all about showing signs that the other can read and/or responses that the other expects... it just needs to be talked over and fine-tuned at times :) And yes, there is no courtesy in sitting around and waiting for the man to initiate, nor would there be for a guy to wait for his woman to initiate. Your 50-50 approach would seem the ideal (just don't start taking notes ;))

Women do not communicate the same way men do and this leads to misunderstandings. Women use nuance, meta-messaging, eliptical references and subtext. Men do not.

1. Women find men almost unendurably blunt, brash and without subtlety.
2. Men find women confusing and have a sneaky suspicion that they've missed something.

So, guys, get some wit going and women, be more straight-forward.

Instead of sitting on his lap etc etc - just pounce on him - being careful to not break the sofa - don't laugh - it has happened - I am sure he will understand that message.

I was married for 34 years to my late wife, and now for 2 years to my new bride--that's a LOT of marital years, of sexual communication and of rejection and misunderstandings, BUT, in all those 36 years, I have never, ever once rejected the advances of my wife. And I just do not get this thing about kids in the house and sex--doors have locks, duh! That;s why--so you can lock the door and have sex whenever you want to... We raised 2 kids, and now I've raising another, and it's a non-issue, from start to finish... Now, let's go and get in on!
Michael

"Sometimes it's that crude, brute personality that turns us on to them in the first place, though."

Some women, yes, and some women - no, not at all; quite the reverse, in fact.

[QUOTE=MrsGSpot;255975]Oh, no, he does get the vibe just fine. I'm not a shy wallflower about it. I just don't like being "led on" to believe there will be more later. :D It was more a matter of just acting like he was up to it, then by nightfall.....nahhhh. We talked about it and yes, he does understand now how that would be frustrating to me. [/QUOTE]

Okay, well that is good! As said many times before - communication is the key. Men and women are incredibly different. I try as hard as I can to "read" women and I still screw it up. :D

All I know is that my wife will sometimes give me the shittiest signals. I think she's somewhat caught on. The other night she came downstairs while I was watching tv. She had a short t-shirt on, no bra and wearing incredibly sexy panties. She "strolled" in front of the tv. Being the male that I am, I of course watched her as she walked into the kitchen. When she walked past again, she was very careful to wag her ass from side to side...like tempting a lion with a piece of meat...and she gave me *that* grin. I jumped off the couch and followed that ass right up to the bedroom. :D

What about mornings???? My husband often falls asleep in front of the TV too, but I have found that mornings can be really nice.

Mornings will not work for me and my husband refuses to risk life and limb by making any such attempt. This means evenings for us - not sleeping in front of the TV is permitted so when it is bedtime - off we go - now if my insomnia kicks in - then I'll return downstairs leaving a tired and happy hubby to rest.

The point is to arrange your lives to INCLUDE sex and work TOGETHER to 'make it happen'.