Ok so i'm pretty new to the sex scene... and this guy that i'm sort of seeing is way more experienced than i am. He was my first and we've had sex a few times since, but i just cant seem to get myself into it and he and i both notice it. Before i met him my philosophy was always "i'm gonna wait" ....but i dont regret having sex with him, so i dont think that my feelings are based upon my not being ready. This is going to sound stupid but i find that sometimes i can't look at him when we're having sex, or i'm quiet or tense during sex...the list goes on...granted i'm really trying to make the experience pleasurable for both of us, but i can't seem to just let loose and be myself 100%. i think some of it might b because i'm rather insecure about myself and all shy about my body (well not my boobs lolll), and i just can't seem to get over my insecurities...not to mention i think part of my problem is that i have this fear of getting too close to him (having too good a time) because i'm worried this will bring us closer and i'm scared i'm going to get hurt...sorry this is just a bunch of rambling by a novice college student, but i'm wondering if anyone else ever experienced anything like this...or if anyone has any advice for me...i'm up for any advice, i'd really appreciate it.
Sun, 12/03/2006 - 08:17
#1
Getting Into It
Relax. You just haven't given your permission - mentally you haven't - to enjoy yourself sexually. STOP THINKING. Focus upon nothing but this man, right here, right now and nothing else. Tell yourself that THIS MAN WILL PLEASE YOU. Let the future take care of itself. Let the past go. Think about his skin, his muscles, how his hands fell upon your skin, etc. Get into the details of him.
Let us know how it goes.
i know exactly what you mean
im totally self concious about what i look like, what hes looking at, what i SHOULD be looking at etc.
but the above advice is pretty right.
you need to relax.
and if your making out with him, you wont have your eyes open anyway, soits not weird if you dont know where to look.
this is really good advice, i really appreciate it, and i will let u know how it goes, cuz i'm interested to see what happens myself lol
i can relate, too. i used to get so tense when i started being sexually active, and felt that i was kind of letting my bf down as i was extremely tense when it came to that. i think as i got to trust him more i loosened up... i hope it gets better for you!
thanks for ur input, especially evilevilkitty. it helps to hear that. i think i am thinking too much. It's just so hard to get over all the thinking...i'm really falling for the guy and i think part of my resistance in terms of sex comes a lot from not wanting to get hurt....idk mabe i'm just all new to this, but i dont want to have mind blowing passionate sex with someone who doesn't want to commit to me (i dont even know what i am to him, but i do kno i dont want to be his friend with benefits)...any advice on that twist? lol
You don't want to get passionate with someone who is not commited to you because you are afraid that your heart will get broken, the skies will turn black, the heavens will fall, and your life will end up in ruins. Is that pretty much it?
The only way to overcome fear is to face it head-on without flinching.
Go ahead and be passionate. You will heal up soon enough if it does come to that. But one cannot be happy walking only on one side of the street. Sooner or later you do have to cross.
You can tell he's serious when he tells you and acts like he's serious.
thanks for the dose of reality evilkitten,i think i needed to hear that. i'm glad i decided to post here, most of my other friends are really uncomfortable talking about sex...i've only got a few i can talk to about this and no one i know is particularly experienced in the arena so thanks a lot, i really appreciate it. i definitely needed to hear that