This really is a communication issue--one way or t'other.

The fact that she is pushing your finger away more than likely means that she has become hyper-sensitive. This happens to many women just prior to an orgasm; conversely, with us guys, it usually happens immediately after enjoying a climax. It takes several minutes before the nerves settle down and we can stand to be touched, again.

When a woman indicates that the clitoris is too sensitive to touch, the fix is to switch tactics and to stimulate it indirectly. You can do this by folding the inner labia over it and massaging the clitoris through them. Alternately, you can involve the adjacent pieces-parts which will tug on the clitoris, again, stimulating it indirectly. You can also rub the shaft of the clitoris. Even though it is buried beneath the skin between the folds of the upper vulva, it is very sensitive.

Feedback is important. Both of you need to give each other some sort of information on how you are responding to their touch, and, for what you may need--now. The two of you can do this either verbally or non-verbally. Verbal cues are words or other utterences; non-verbal communication is some sort of body language that the two of you work out to convey specific information like a squeeze of the hand, etc.

From your description it is impossible to state for certain whether or not she is experiencing an orgam. I believe it is important for a woman to convey this information so that a man does not have to wonder and ask: "did you cum?" She can do with with a "whew", "wow", "WOW", or some other exclamation that the two of you work out, the information doesn't need to be in the form of a declaration that destroys the mood.

> How can I figure out when to stop stimulating her, I hate to have her have to tell me via pushing my hand away.

Until you know what is going on for sure, bet on the former. Because the female orgasm is more internalized than the male's, you may not know for sure unless she does tell you one way or another that she has just climaxed. By stimulating the clitoris indirectly as described, you can continue to build her arousal and to take her to the brink and beyond without the pain she feels when the nerves become over stimulated. It really is not pain, it just manifests itself as such for both genders.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

Because

Your idea might work; however, I am more in favor of talking about these and other matters at a time when the two of you are not planning to be intimate. Pick a time when you are not in a rush and the two of you want to have a discussion.

As for the topic of feedback, you can talk about how when we masturbate, feedback is an internal process that provides cues for when and how to modulate our movements or to make any "midcourse corrections", and when we turn the "controls" over to our partner there is no internal feedback. How nice it would be if we could just plug into each other's spinal cord via a receptical. Because there is no direct feedback for how s/he is responding to our caress, it is important to provide this either verbally or non-verbally as explained.

When first mentioned, many people are afraid that saying something out loud will destroy the moment--perhaps if you actually provide a declarative statement; however, my proposal is to just utter a word or two even if just a whisper in order to convey the message. The moment will not be destroyed if we say "yes..yes..yes", "more", more...more..more..more", "I like what you're doing", "that's it", "don't stop", "sigh....", "wow", "WOW", "whew...", etc. It is the etc. that should be something unique yet specific so that you know for certain that she has climaxed. The other stuff is just informational on how each of you is responding to what is being done along the way.

I know you want information from her, yet, you can help set the mood by giving her this same feedback. Not only is it necessary for her to know how you are responding to her caresses, doing so will help her to do this also.

Does this help? Got questions?