[QUOTE=Ilove;230650]Ok so my gf and I have been having sex for about 6 or so months now. At first I was not too concerned about getting her to orgasm, seeing as we lost our virginity to each other, the sex was good enough.

[COLOR="blue">I'm curious, without knowing any more than you did at the time, why weren't you interested in the attempt?[/COLOR]

But then I begun to get a bit concerned, trying to last long enough to get her to orgasm. I came very close to doing so, coming the closest when I lasted a while then immediately continued fingering her but it just didn't happen.

[COLOR="blue">Each person is responsible for his/her own orgasms. We do not give them away. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve them.[/COLOR]

I have now gotten over her taste (I actually kinda like it now) of her vagina and have been giving her oral now. Even with oral sex (and fingering during the oral) I just can;t seem to get her to orgasm. I feel like I have been doing something wrong but I just don't know what.

[COLOR="blue">Have you read any of the helpful informative articles listed in the Index? It lists some papers that discuss this matter of the female "O" from the background to the specifics.

Yes, you are doing something wrong, although, it is not your fault. Because each of us is responsible for our own orgasms, and because when we masturbate we benefit from an internal feedback that lets us determine how to modulate our movements in order to achieve the desired results, we generally have no difficulty climaxing. Now, when we turn the reins over to someone else, this feedback information is missing making it much more difficult to impossible to reach a climax.[/COLOR]

I have read up on the site and saw that if she got herself to orgasm by masturbating it would make things much easier for me.

[COLOR="blue">And...therein lies the problem and the solution.

Please think back to a time when you first learned to masturbate. It no doubt took some trial and error to figure out what rhythms, motions, and pressures, where and when, gave consistent reliable results. Once you figured out what worked, you have probably used this routine over and over again. You may have experimented out of curiosity and/or boredom in order to spice things up yet always returned to your basic method. If you varied what and how you stroked your penis too far either an orgasm would not occur or it would be less than desired.

Boys are driven to masturbate both by how we are "wired" and by hormones, namely Testosterone. It is an innate given that we will not to mention--MUST. Girls, not so much. They learn later than boys if at all, and, through conscious effort. [/COLOR]

The problem with this is she just isn't comfortable with doing this to herself. She just isn't a fan of masturbation, she feels awkward if I am not the one doing it to her. So I ask you am I doing something wrong? Is there something I am missing?[/QUOTE]

Here is what you are missing: understanding that Mother Nature plays a dirty trick on us in that she gives us the ability to enjoy orgasms yet fails to "connect the dots"--the sensitive nerve endings in the skin with the pleasure center in the brain via the pathway of the autonomic nervous system. Each of us must learn by experimentation how to masturbate and then establish these connections. Encourage your girlfriend to explore and learn and in time she will probably be able to; however, not all women climax and none need to in order to enjoy making love. There is an article or two on this, also.

Because orgasms are not essential to the female psyche and physiology; and because females of the species have additional ways of managing stress, there is often no real drive for discovery. Couple this with whatever scripts {moral, religious, family teachings, etc.) may be going on in her head regarding the practice and you have the situation the two of you find yourself. Unless and until she understands this and then becomes curious and develops a desire to learn, the chances of her ever climaxing are slim to none.

Once she does learn and can repeat the process reliably and consistently, then she can help you to help her. This is accomplished by taking your hand over several love making sessions and moving it in ways that work for her. Key to this is in replacing her internal feedback with verbal and/or non-verbal cues for how she is responding to your caresses and for what she needs now/next. All this holds true for you with her as well. None of us are mind readers and while she may understand how to stroke a penis, each one of us does it slightly differently and in response to the sensations we feel at any given moment.

Here are some links to relevant articles taken from the Index:

The Anatomy of the Female "O", Answered by Brandye & Dancingdoc2 & Inspired by Godiva

For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?

How Do I Get Him/Her to Orgasm From a Hand/Blow Job?

Why Women's Orgasms?

Female Sexual Response

Never Too Late

Making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other in partnership. Communication is the key to having a successful relationship. Explore and learn together. Please encourage her to broaden her knowledge on all this. Read these articles and then encourage her to then discuss the information.

You may simply have to wait for her to grow and mature into all this.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

Is she helping at all with this valiant effort? If so, you will get there; if not, forget it.

Because it is NOT your job to give her orgasms, it is her job to have them. If she's unwilling then there's nothing you can do. So, she has got to be working with you on this endeavor.

I just noticed that EEK posted some additional information on another thread in this forum. Please read her comments.

Female Slowness to Orgasm