Girlfriend/Fiance' Dumped Me....:'(

[Tony Trout]

I'm trying not to let it bother me but....after almost three years of dating and, at one point, being engaged, my girlfriend/ex-fiance' dumped me a little over a week ago....and I'm not having a good time dealing with it...I want her back so bad that I can't stand it....everytime I think of it, I wanna just burst into tears....

I just ask for some good thoughts/prayers (for those here that are Christian) that I can get through this....I truly don't know if I'll ever be able to love another person as much as I loved her....

[lnt1103]

Reminds me of me many moons ago, much before I met T. Just know that all these things you're feeling are normal. Yes, of course you still love her. No, of course you're not sure who you are when she's not looking in your eyes. It's all natural. You don't spend 3 years of your life being that devoted to someone and just 'boom' you're done with the emotions that surround it.

You'll be okay.

[dancingdoc2]

This is sad news indeed, sir. I hope you will go thru the grieving process and come out the other end ready to date others and get on with what your life has to offer. For more on what is involved and the various stages you can do a GOOGLE search.

I can tell you that it may very likely take you and everyone else in a similar circumstance a year or so to get past this regardless of whether the loss is because of a failed relationship or the death of a loved one or family member. I lost both parents about a month apart--talk about a double whammy!! My first experience with grief was as a high school senior when my sweetheart telephoned and ended the relationship.

I will tell you to keep active, be around and do things with your friends, and do not lock yourself away. Now having said this as a way to keep your mind busy and your sanity intact, I do advise dating--although not for at least sometime next Spring or Summer.

Have you read the articles on dating listed in the Index? If not, please do. Among other things, dating should be about going out with many other people in order to learn what each has to offer us in order to be better able to find Ms./Mr. Right. I've said as recently as a few days ago, again, that all but one or two people we go out with will end in failure. One or two will be keepers, and then we have a decision to make.

There is a song segment that says "breaking up is hard to do...." YUP! and the psychological pain can be quite intense as will be the tears. I understand you want her back, yet as noted, break ups are part of the dating process. In a few months and when you feel ready, let family, friends, and co workers know that you are again ready to date and ask if they will help. (It's called "networking".)

Do not think of yourself as a failure, rather, that you dated and learned about each other more than can be accomplished just being friends, and that this was not a match. So, continue to date, continue to learn about others, and in solidifying what characteristics and qualities you want in a mate, and go date and date some more. Recognize that as each of these relationships fail, you both learn more, and will be better able to recognize when Ms. Right comes along.

Dating should not begin and end with the first person who comes along and shows an interest. Dating is all about learning about the character, likes, dislikes, goals, objectives, interests, quirks, etc. in a person that best match our own. For this each of us needs to go out with lots of different people.

> I truly don't know if I'll ever be able to love another person as much as I loved her....

Having been there done this a few times, as most of us have who are older, I can tell you that the chances are extremely good that you will and you will. You will get past this, you are not experiencing anything that most of us have not or will not go thru.

Hang in there.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes, you will love another just as much etc. etc. etc. Human hearts are huge and can love multitudes with complete devotion. That's the good news.

The bad news is that it will take time for the pain to stop.

More good news - the pain will stop.

Breathe deep. Gather up your courage. Go forward.