Too Young????

[sensualGoddess]

Before I get jumped, this is not a typical post.

If anyone looks at my profile, one of my interests in in tantra....basically utilizing sex and sensuality as a means of enlightenment.

Other things that you might have seen various postings of or haven't: I'm a firm believer that sex and childbirth should not be seen as separate or opposite entities (I view that pregnancy is an extension of sexuality.)

In fact, I had originally stumbled on this site ironically through a website that spoke of unassisted childbirth/birthgasms.

I have a strong interest in psychology- (sex concentration). I wanted to be like Laura Berman or Kinsey. I've always wanted to be a sex counselor (if such a thing exists)

I do a lot of research in private so that my parents don't think that I'm some kind of a creep. A lot of the postings I have given or seen are very pro-sex, pro-sensual, pro-positive, pro-active etc. I'd like to thank all those who post on this site regularly for providing motivational advice.

On that note, I'd really like some feedback and possibly encouragement.

I don't know what I want to do with my life exactly. All I know is whatever I want to do is connected to sexuality/sensuality. So some occupations I have looked into: sex counselor, marriage counselor, doula, midwife, tantra teacher....so some of you see where it's going. Most likely, I will be continuing onto grad school within a counseling track.

I'm very young though (at least I think I am), still a virgin (not ashamed about this, it's a personal choice.)

But is it viable for me to pursue a career within the health field that somehow merges sexuality with sensuality? Even though I am definitely lacking experience to really do much?

I'll answer any questions, because I'm still trying to figure out where I want to go, and what job I should get just to get my foot in the door job wise.

I'm also scared of what my parents will think, even though I have such strong opinions when it comes to this topic.

I've never felt so trapped before...

[Ducy]

In my most honest opinion. You can't really "teach" if you have never experienced. You can study for years but until you have experienced it, then you can never really know. Right now you are technically all about the "theory" since you haven't had sex.

[big916]

i know you should never ask a woman's age but are you still college age(younger than 25)? the most logical profession we be involved with maternity and birthing. you don't need to have had sex or given birth for that job. i know RR is going into this field so she would be more than happy to give you lots of info.

as far as the other professions i think it would be a little hard to counsel someone with no experience in the area as far as sex and marriage go. are you not looking to get any experience in sex or relationships before your education is done? i do know that you do learn a lot during your education. my friend is going to be a psychologist and after taking some classes he was able to successfully help his friend with their marriage and poor sex. he is also a virgin as well by choice. so from my point of view it is not out of the question to counsel in that area as you are right now.

SG this is your life and you chose what you want to do with it. if your parents don't accept your choices then that is their problem, not yours. i can't imagine them having a problem with these careers choices. they all help the quality of life for people.

[dancingdoc2]

> You can't really "teach" if you have never experienced.

But Ducy, what about the saying: "thems that can't, teach?"

[Ducy]

I think its true but those who HAVE DONE generally make a better teacher! I mean a man who can't join the military could teach a class on war and how to fight one. But a veteran could teach it "better" since he has been through it.

Its like they say. If you want to be a great trainer, and really understand your profession, compete in a contest. See how grueling a diet is (contest diet not some bs fad diet) and then you will change your entire opinion and viewpoint on it.

[RedRoses]

Dear SG,
People that do their jobs best are those that do so with a passion! I think you were one of the first people with whom I spoke about the profession of doula, over a year ago. And I'd say that if you're clearly this passionate about such profession, go for it girl! I have liked your spiritual words, since the moment of you joining this forum. You display spiritual consciousness. Which does not mean you know the answers, it is that you ask the questions. I'm sure you will be able to transfer that to others.

Another aspect of jobs is that they somehow mirror aspects of ourselves. I've done the basic training by DONA last year. My education so far has brought me not only skills and knowledge to support others on their journeys, but has also enlightened ways to heal myself. Getting to know myself on a deeper level. Could it be that you also seek that?

About necessary experience; there is a difference between being only book-smart or knowing your theory and being experienced and skilled on another level. It's hardly ever a 1 on 1 comparison. Psychiatrists that treat in a criminal hospital, usually have not been on the opposite chair themselves As a more proper example: I've never birthed a child, so how could I support at birth? My trainer told me I'd make a wonderful doula, because I naturally am compassionate and receptive to other people's emotions and needs (the necessary basics for a doula). And I may not have been through childbirth, but I do know what it means to go through profound experiences and feel deep emotions. She said that by only my attendance at the training (while my life was a mess), she could see what a strong young woman I was.

SG, I'd encourage to seek your own skills, personal characteristics and experiences and see what you have. And/or seek the guidance of someone experienced in the profession of your choice and ask them their honest opinion. On an objective level and preferably; also on a more personal level during a workshop like these, in which you share and show who you are.

On your fears of disapproval: I'd like to echo big's words; how can your parents object to you helping people? Every profession mentioned will have a slightly different way in which you help them. In the case of doula's, there is even scientific proof that the constant nurturing support doula's give, will facilitate quicker and easier births with lesser complications. Contributing to one of the most memorable moments in a mother's life, a beautiful start for the newborn, a wonderful experience for the father and who-ever attends this special moment.

Also; please don't forget that profession is liquid as life. I'm sorry my focus in this post appears to be on this one profession. It's just that any of those mentioned will require you different skills and training. Which is not to say that one could not lead to another. Some of the women I've met were yoga-teachers, midwives in hospitals, midwives for homebirths, cranio-sacral-therapists, haptonomists, acupuncturists, fertility counselors, childbirth educators, nurses, etc. And most have been practicing more than one profession over their lives. Switching from one to another and even merging them.

Based on what I know about you, my thoughts would be for you to start with a profession that touches on the subject of sexuality/sensuality (midwife, doula, etc), before going on to a profession that focuses on it completely (sex counselor, etc). When your own experience on sexuality expands, you could also adjust, switch or merged your profession, if desired. But that's just the opinion of another girl on the other side of the big pond! You should seek for yourself which applies to you. You may pm me any time!

[Aphrodite_66]

I agree with RR, sensualGoddess,do what makes you happy.You will gain experience through practice and there is no better place to practice your counselling skills than here on the forum.I have read many of your posts and you seem to be a very insightful and compassionate woman with a great amount of empathy for others.Age has nothing to do with it,you may be young and still a virgin,but you have wisdom far beyond your years.

"Grab the bull by the horns,and follow your dreams".......YOU GO FOR IT GIRL !!!!!

[sensualGoddess]

Thanks everyone for your input.

By the way, I'm 21.

Now if only I can find something that allows me to get my foot in the door, so to speak.

[lnt1103]

My husband's physician told him a story. He's had patients come to him before needing valium in order to have a CT scan done, because of claustrophobia issues. He used to give them the "are you a man or a mouse" attitude. Until he had a CT scan himself and they had to stop the scan and get him the H out of the machine. Now he just writes the script without a word.

My point: I have to agree with Ducy about having personal experience in order to understand and assist a client.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You would make a fine doula but I doubt that you would succeed as a sex counselor - but not just due to a lack of personal experience as a woman. You also have a lack of intimate knowledge of men - how they think, why they think as they do and what's going on when otherwise decent men unwittingly do horrible things that cause damage to those the men truly love.

But perhaps in time...

No future is cut and dried and what you choose to do now may gradullay mutate into something different - no one can say.

But RR is right - follow your heart!