Choosing life or death

[Ducy]

I was watching a tv show today, and during the show a woman had an emergency c section. The baby was 4 months premature and would require massive surgery. Best case scenario was that the child would be blind, suffer brain damage, and would require 24/7 nursing care.

My friend became enraged because the doctor said that it wasn't worth it. Thousands if not millions to take heroic measures that would leave the child alive...but not much of a life.

I looked at him and laughed because he was screaming that every persons life is valuable. So I asked him if he had a child that required surgery that would bankrupt him, but the child would live, they would just be blind, suffer brain issues that would leave them unable to walk or do anything for themselves, would need to be fed through a tube, and require never ending medical care. They would basically lay in bed all day everyday not being able to do anything. He tried to say it was worth it. But I could tell it was a conflicting answer.

So my question the you guys is the same. I'm curious if this "life" is really worth it. I sometimes feel that survival of the fittest should be considered in matters like this. Granted when presented to me I would be torn because its my child, but at the same time logically I feel that I should let nature run its course.

I am aware of certain instances where surgery is necessary for life. My friends brother had heart surgery as a baby. He woulda died without it, but he was born after 9 months and this surgery was for a heart valve issue. He wasn't going to live life as a "vegetable" though.

[big916]

i know it would be a hard decision but i think quality of life is what is most important here. Blindness can be lived with but brain damage and 24/7 care is not a life. and if this child would be a "vegetable" then we can assume that they would never feel emotion. the most important one is love, what is the point of living if you cant feel love. your friend's brother having corrective surgery is not the same as being dependent of medical care. my mother once said to me that if she were ever in this state and needing permanent life support to end her life. that would be devastatingly hard for me to do but i feel that i must respect her wishes. whether is it a new born or in the case of an adult going into a vegetative state you have to let nature takes its course. or as my cogic friend would say "let go and let God."

[dlb]

A question of what is more human. Some people believe that abortion is wrong even if birth defects, physical and mental handicaps are detected early on, even if it is likely that childbirth might cost the mother her life or leave her permanently disabled. I imagine that a person who feels that way would also be in favor of keeping a child severly handicapped frokm birth alive indefinitely by artificial means. To me it seems cruel all around.

[Ducy]

Yes I feel that if a child is going to be severely handicapped it really is not "worth it". Blindness is merely an obstacle. Many blind people live happy and long lives. But I just don't see how having a severe mental handicap can realy be a life. It just seems that if you can never function on your own, then life is never really life

[RedRoses]

Living life like a vegetable isn't living. A life of ongoing suffering isn't a life. When our own children are suffering beyond imagination, we question whether it is bad to let them go in peace. Even though we'd end the suffering of an animal. From a certain point of view you could say we treat our children less then we'd treat animals. This is sometimes said, but is off course not true. We love our children so dearly, that making such decisions becomes unbearable. I think in ending this suffering, we show our respect for life instead of disrespecting it. It is only humane to end cruelty. Though for anyone in such a position, holding a life you so gladly welcomed into this world in your hands, it will never be less hard. There is no decision harder then one of life and death of a loved one. My deepest respect and sympathy for anyone who ever had to make such a heartbreaking decision.

[lnt1103]

I think the phrase "worth it" is part of the issue here, ideologically speaking. It makes it sound like we're debating someone's worthiness or the degree to which they deserve XYZ.

Which I don't mean to criticize. "Worth it" is a natural human turn of phrase. But better methinks to consider it a debate of best interests rather than worth. Is it "worth" going into debt to save my husband's life through massive heroics if it comes to it? Without question or hesitation. But is it in his best interests?

[Ducy]

I apologize for the phrase. I tend to forget that everyone sees things differently. I meant "worth ir" as in "their best interest". Like would it be "worth it" to spend the hundreds I have spent in medical test to possibly still be denied entry into the USMC? Granted you can't measure its worth, but I tend to use it as a best interest phrase.

But regardless would it be best to take heroic measures to allow someone to have a beating heart?

[Ducy]

Also int, would it be "worth" accruing massive debts to save your husbands life even if he was going to require constant medical care? My neighbor has a daughter whom is blind and suffering severe mental issues. She is fed through a tube, has her diaper changed, and is in a wheel chair. She has been in and out of the hospital non stop for seizures and will one day die (she is 14 they give her another 6 years)

They have spent quite a lot of money on medical bills to "save her" on several occasions...what exactly are we saving her from? A peaceful rest? Not to sound like a jerk but to "save her" seems more selfish than anything else. Seeing her every day makes me wonder how you could want this kind of life for her.

[RedRoses]

I think I agree with Int on the "worth"-aspect. Though there is something as an unworthy way to live and an unworthy way to die. I think this lies in the cruelty and suffering a person has to endure.

And personally, I'd spend every penny I've got and beyond to save my loved-ones. Indeed; if it is in their best interest. Money stands in no comparison to a life. Children pose us with the massive responsibility to chose for them. The exhausting decision to see what is in their best interest and when their suffering is too much... Whereas as adults we can at least pose the hypothetical question if (s)he would want to be kept alive in certain situations. It's one of those things that are not the nicest subjects, yet are much worth discussing, same as posthumous wishes on organ donation a.o.

[mikkiji]

Lucky for me, when faced with this question, my late wife was able to decide for herself that it was no longer "worth it." I probably would not have had the heart to withhold further medical treatment and let her die, but she decided that for herself. It was hard enough for me to carry out her wishes. But by that point, there really was no point--she was going to die anyway sooner or later, whether it was 6 days or 6 weeks or 6 months, we didn't know. She decided it would be sooner, refused any medical treatment other than pain relief, and let nature take its own course. She died peacefully about two weeks after making her decision. She could have been brought back to the hospital, undergone kidney dialysis, put on a respirator and given nutrition through an IV or a feeding tube, but she refused those indignities, which might have given her a few weeks of torture at most. She died at home in her own bed, on her own time. Dignity was key, and she maintained it till the end.
Michael
ps--her decision had nothing to do with money--our insurance covered everything.