Question about vaginal intercourse

[cico187]

Hi, I have a troubling question today. Well me and my female friend had sex about a week ago. She had told me that sex is painful for her, we had sex, and she didn't want to keep going after about 20 min into it. At first it looked like she was enjoying it, but as I penetrated deeper and deeper she would twist her face with pain. I was not rough with her or anything like that, I wen't easy and slow, speeding up as I went along. I don't think she has had sex many times, and I know she is not a virgin. I had to go slow during penetration, and had to ease my way deeper because it looked like it hurt for her. Is there anything I can do to make sex more pleasurable and less painful? Also, I did try giving her oral, but she did not let me unfortunately. What could be the cuase of the pain while intercourse, am I doing something wrong? Thanks for all answers.

p.s. If you are wondering we are not dating, just friends with benefits.

[dancingdoc2]

> she didn't want to keep going after about 20 min into it.

We have often stated on these pages that many women report becoming -
* Sore
* Bored
* Tired - if intercourse lasts longer than about ten minutes.

How much time did the two of you devote to fooling around and making out before the 20 minutes, above?

* Was your FWB adequately aroused
+ was she wet
+ was her vaginal mucus adequately distributed around her vaginal opening
* was there plenty of lube on your condom or penis

Intercourse should begin when -
A. you are invited
B. you are at the brink of a climax yet can still maintain enough control in order to move around and get into position and then complete the initial insertion.

So, looking back on your adventure, what happened or not?

> She had told me that sex is painful for her

Do you mean that all intercourse is painful, or, just that occasion?

If all sex is painful and she is always aroused and wet then there could be a condition called "vaginismus" that she should consult her doctor about.

[cico187]

Thanks doc

Well we did fool around for about 30 minutes, making out, touching, exploring.

She was wet, I could see there was vaginal mucus around the vaginal opening.

I believe there was enough lube on the condon, it was lubricated after all.

Hmm I wasn't invited but she was making moaning sounds as we were grinding on each other (she was in her panties, I was only in boxers), so I proceeded to penetration.

I believe all intercourse is painful for her, she told me she's only had vaginal intercourse 2 times, it was the third with me.

Also what can I do about giving her oral if she doesn't want it? How can I convince her?

Thanks doc for your reply =D

[Brandye]

All women should have a gynaecological examination before becoming sexually active. That exam frequently prevents later difficulty as you describe. It is time for her to see her gyn.

The most likely issue is lack of lubrication. Some women, especially as they are learning, require a lot. Less than three percent, or about, of women suffer vaginismus to the point of preventing penetration. There are cases in which it allows penetration but becomes progressively worse until that is not possible. There could also be the issue of a rather hymen that is taking more than the usual effort to dispose of. Another reason for an exam.

As she learns to enjoy sex, all things become possible. Your trying to convince her of anything is more likely to increase her resistance.

Urge her to see a gyn.

As an afterthought: After about twenty minutes ramming into me, a man will find himself on the floor. Not painful but enough is enough.

[dancingdoc2]

> I believe there was enough lube on the condom, it was lubricated after all.

Lubricated condoms are a waste of money. IMHO. It is better to use regular types and add lube. Doing so lets you add as much as necessary whenever necessary.

Before penetration, do a bit of fingering to make sure her vaginal mucus is distributed completely around the entrance. That she is wet does not automatically mean adequate coverage.

[cico187]

Thank you Brandye, and Doc.



That is great advice Brandye, thanks for the tip about time spent having sex. I tend to last much longer than that usually, but I didn't know women preffered shorter periods of time having sex. Also what would be the ideal time to spend on vaginal intercourse.

>Lubricated condoms are a waste of money. IMHO. It is better to use regular types and add lube. Doing so lets you add as much as necessary whenever necessary.

I have heard/read that adding lubricants to a condom raises the risk of it tearing/breaking, I am only 17, and I'm not ready to become a father.

[dancingdoc2]

> Also what would be the ideal time to spend on vaginal intercourse.

This was answered, above, in my earlier reply. Making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other in partnership. Making love is not an activity done on a time table or "by the numbers".

Intercourse should begin upon being invited {verbally or non-verbally (meaning body language)) by our partner--and, only when we have been brought to the brink of a climax by other means, such as a b/j &/or h/j, first.

Men have been known to climax upon the initial stroke, in or out; however, with some control and hesitation, we should be able to stretch the activity out for a few minutes before starting to thrust for a few strokes. If it is desired to prolong love making activities, then return to kissing and making out and repeat. The same goes for continuing during our Refractory period or down time in between any two orgasms.

> I have heard/read that adding lubricants to a condom raises the risk of it tearing/breaking, I am only 17, and I'm not ready to become a father.

Yes and no. It all depends on the type of lube used and the type of condom.

There are water-based lubricants, silicone-based lubes, and, oil....
Water-based products work well with all condoms, yet must be replenished frequently. DO NOT use silicone products, period; and, oils when using condoms of any type.

Condoms are generally made of Latex, although, you can purchase poly- for those individuals who have a Latex sensitivity, and, also those made of natural material. Even though thinner, the latter tend to be more expensive, and, they do not protect against diseases.

All this is covered in articles listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen. I recommend familiarizing yourself with the contents and then reading each of the articles and adding the information gained to what you already know. Knowledge is empowering. I also urge couples to each read and then discuss the information gained.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating.

[cico187]

Thank you very much doc for your very detailed answers, all advice you and Brandye have given me is working out pretty well.