Mental Health-Dealing with ones existance (or lack there of?)

[CleverName]

Ok a little about myself:

I am a 20 year old guy, working on my AA until I transfer to a bigger school. I would say I have a healthy social/love life and am generally happy with it. I've got a job, pay rent, but still live with my mom until I pick my senior college. Overall, I am a pretty average healthy person. I am agnostic.

But heres the problem.. (sorry for the wall of text)

I have this fear of death. I tell myself that I just need to live life to the fullest blah blah blah, but sometimes the fear just overcomes me, usually when I am alone. Some people say, "Oh you just need to find religion", but thats not really an option for me because my logic will not permit me to believe in one. Some days I am ok, and some days I am on the verge of breaking down because life itself just feels so heavy. I feel like I have heard all advice there can be on dealing with my own mortality, but nothing makes me feel any better. The idea of "not existing anymore" is so frieghtening to me, but I have not existed for billions of years... Basically, I have come to the conclusion "Shit happens". Does that basically sum up life and death?

How does one cope with the fact that they will not live forever?

Life is too short, there is just so much to do...

[CleverName]

Also, I kind of have moods where I feel more depressed than other times without reason, could I maybe have a depression disorder? And if I do, what can I do to help treat it?

[dancingdoc2]

What aspect about your fear has you preoccupied?

Being somewhat older than you, I sometimes think about my mortality and death. One of the facets of death that I have come to realize is that you should not fear death because you'll never remember it--and, if by some chance there is an afterlife and you do, well, most probably it will not be in Hell so what you have then will no doubt be better than what you used to have.

Of course, this is what I believe. Whether you believe in God or not, I find it hard to believe that the universes and galaxies magically appeared from nothing. If so, what is nothing and where did it come from? This is why I believe in God. Someone or something had to create him and so on and on. OK, I do understand that this is not the point of discussion. Nuff said.

> I tell myself that I just need to live life to the fullest...but sometimes the fear just overcomes me, usually when I am alone.

> "Oh you just need to find religion", but thats not really an option for me because my logic will not permit me to believe in one.

Once again, what is your fear? We cannot help you help yourself without a more complete understanding of what is bothering you.

> I have come to the conclusion "Shit happens". Does that basically sum up life and death?

This comment reminds me of an episode of one of the medical shows several years ago in which the hospital doctors lost several patients in a day and later met to hold an M&M meeting in an attempt to find out what went wrong. After much discussion no firm conclusion as to fault or error was discovered. In other words, the hospital staff did not do anything wrong.

One of the doctors leaned back in his chair and declared that sometimes "shit happens" for no apparent reason.

If you are so preoccupied by not being around to live your life and make the most out of each and every day then why worry about living at all? You seem to have created a catch 22 scenario for yourself. Because you have the ability to change you, change your life, and change the direction you are headed, then why not make the most of the time you have left instead of crippling any attempt to have a wonderful day today and again tomorrow, ad infinitum? It was in one of the "God" movies, "Oh God" I believe, starring George Burns that he said he being God takes care of the big things and allows all of us to manage the little things. From your description of events you are not doing a great job of being a manager because of being caught up in the "why" rather than the "why not" of things.

If not existing is so bothersome then why not make the most out of your life today, tomorrow, and whatever time you have left? Make your mark and make it BIG and memorable for all those people you leave behind. You are worrying about what you cannot change; why not worry about the things you can affect including your legacy?

While I do believe in a higher being, when I was your age I also had a fear of dying so it is probably a stage many if not most of us go thru. Knowing this, then get on about the business of life and not the business of death as you are now doing.

> How does one cope with the fact that they will not live forever?
> Life is too short, there is just so much to do...

It is sad to know about so many people who do nothing with the life they have or had, and how good to know about the people who have made the most out of their life and left their mark. Do the most with what you have--beginning now. What will your legacy be? This is how you will be remembered and will "live forever".

[CleverName]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

What aspect about your fear has you preoccupied?

Being somewhat older than you, I sometimes think about my mortality and death. One of the facets of death that I have come to realize is that you should not fear death because you'll never remember it--and, if by some chance there is an afterlife and you do, well, most probably it will not be in Hell so what you have then will no doubt be better than what you used to have.

Of course, this is what I believe. Whether you believe in God or not, I find it hard to believe that the universes and galaxies magically appeared from nothing. If so, what is nothing and where did it come from? This is why I believe in God. Someone or something had to create him and so on and on. OK, I do understand that this is not the point of discussion. Nuff said.

The early religions mostly revolved around worshipping the sun as god. Which you could say is pretty accurate because all matter was created in stars at some point (or is the result of that). So "nothing" would be enourmous amounts of gas, that eventually form stars, which form solar systems and galaxies, so on... So these giant gas clouds (Nebula)=your nothing and came from who knows? The argument goes both ways. Either everything came from nothing or everything came from god who came from nothing. My mind cuts the middle-man.

> I tell myself that I just need to live life to the fullest...but sometimes the fear just overcomes me, usually when I am alone.

> "Oh you just need to find religion", but thats not really an option for me because my logic will not permit me to believe in one.

Once again, what is your fear? We cannot help you help yourself without a more complete understanding of what is bothering you.

My fear is that I will one day no longer exist, that all of humanity will one day be forgotton and washed away in time.

> I have come to the conclusion "Shit happens". Does that basically sum up life and death?

This comment reminds me of an episode of one of the medical shows several years ago in which the hospital doctors lost several patients in a day and later met to hold an M&M meeting in an attempt to find out what went wrong. After much discussion no firm conclusion as to fault or error was discovered. In other words, the hospital staff did not do anything wrong.

One of the doctors leaned back in his chair and declared that sometimes "shit happens" for no apparent reason.

If you are so preoccupied by not being around to live your life and make the most out of each and every day then why worry about living at all? You seem to have created a catch 22 scenario for yourself. Because you have the ability to change you, change your life, and change the direction you are headed, then why not make the most of the time you have left instead of crippling any attempt to have a wonderful day today and again tomorrow, ad infinitum? It was in one of the "God" movies, "Oh God" I believe, starring George Burns that he said he being God takes care of the big things and allows all of us to manage the little things. From your description of events you are not doing a great job of being a manager because of being caught up in the "why" rather than the "why not" of things.

Theres nothing about my life I want to change, life is great for me, thats the problem. I dont want it to ever stop, but as you say why worry about something I have no control of? I wish I could just "not worry" but it's a bit harder than that for me. There's my problem I guess.

If not existing is so bothersome then why not make the most out of your life today, tomorrow, and whatever time you have left? Make your mark and make it BIG and memorable for all those people you leave behind. You are worrying about what you cannot change; why not worry about the things you can affect including your legacy?

Right now, I am living life to the fullest, making the most of every day and so on. I love my life, I love everyday and everything, thats why its so hard to except I will no longer be able to exist. I'm certainly not one of those whiney people who goes about "Oh woe as me, blah blah blah". It is just this lingering thought of the end that haunts my mind when I am not pre-occupied with something else. It strikes when I least expect it, or when the slightest mention of death is made, even if it were mentioned in a joke or movie or something.

While I do believe in a higher being, when I was your age I also had a fear of dying so it is probably a stage many if not most of us go thru. Knowing this, then get on about the business of life and not the business of death as you are now doing.

I do hope this is just a stage that I will pass through, I tell myself that all the time.

> How does one cope with the fact that they will not live forever?
> Life is too short, there is just so much to do...

It is sad to know about so many people who do nothing with the life they have or had, and how good to know about the people who have made the most out of their life and left their mark. Do the most with what you have--beginning now. What will your legacy be? This is how you will be remembered and will "live forever".

I totally agree with the first part. But in the scheme of things, there will be no one to remember the legacy. (Sorry if that comes off as a downer )

Now I just wanna say, I am totally happy with my life and how I live it, I'm no hermit living in his shell, quite the opposite. BUT, the problem is, once in a while the fear of non-existence creeps into my mind and just makes me depressed and scared. I'd love to ignore it, but thats not easy for me. I feel like I may need some kind of medical help to cope with it sometimes when its bad. Is that justified?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Dear Clever Name,

You are mortal. Can you change that? No, you can't. Death will come when it will and it is no use hiding from that fact. At some point in the future, you, I, and even this planet we live on will die.

Your depression and anxiety is because you're still trying to find a way of escape. Accept that there is no escape and not just intellectually accept but emotionally accept that at some point you will die. Ignore that voice in your head. Stop fighting.

Realise that this is what you have. Think of what you want your life to be and get on with creating that life. Education, career, marriage, children, retirement - the whole panoply of possible human existences is available to you. (Study Epicurus, his philosophy may help.) Embrace and rejoice in now being alive.

My advice:

Stop fighting. Embrace life.

[Brandye]

There is likely dome deep-rooted experience that has generated this. We all face mortality but most do not dwell on it excessively; nor do many "fear" it. If this becomes something that interferes with normal functioning, you need to deal with it. It is neuroses such as this which can become self-fulfilling prophecies.

[dancingdoc2]

"Eat right and exercise" and just maybe you will live to be the oldest person on the planet someday. Just hope that that doesn't come at a price that leaves you somehow incapacitated.

There are other situations to worry about such as a comet hitting the earth and wiping out much of life as a result, or, some little tin horn dictator somewhere having a temper tantrum and unleashing a nuke someplace.

> >Ignore that voice in your head. Stop fighting.

The technique for this is to "change your mind". Every time you begin thinking about the matter, quickly change your mind and begin thinking about anything else. Do so over and over and over, again, and eventually you will be thinking about this less and less. (I recommend this to people who cannot stop thinking about an ex boy- girlfriend.)

[Knight]

I don't know if this will help, I just want to offer a different perspective.

"My fear is that I will one day no longer exist, that all of humanity will one day be forgotten and washed away in time."

First off, congratulations for living your life despite your fear.

As you know, you will end; other things will also change. Now this doesn't have to be viewed as something bad. The things that we do are not futile. All natural processes on this planet (that I am aware of) are part of cycles, which in turn belong to larger cycles.

Imagine animals that are born, mature and perish (I am not using humans because this puts in an emotional parameter), while their lives/experiences end they contribute to larger cycles of nature. Other organisms depend on them, even after they die, for survival. The creatures' matter and energy feeds larger natural cycles.

-Consider an organism being broken down by bacteria and other organisms, the nitrogen and oxygen once held in the tissues gets used for other organisms' proper functioning. Some of these elements eventually get returned to the atmosphere, where they are transformed again by other organisms into available nutrients for plants, which then get eaten and so on and so forth. So even when they expired, living things have a vital place and purpose for the continued functioning for life on this planet (you are part of this as well), this is something to take comfort in.

Consider the massive cities that dot our landscape, we build them up and they become centers for our economies, knowledge, cultures, and lively-hoods. And yet, over the course of geologic time even these mighty structures will come down due to the processes that shape our Earth's crust. It's like making sand castles on a beach, we make them but eventually the tide will come and take them away.

-Even this doesn’t mean that what happened before doesn’t shape what happens after. Even mighty mountains get eroded away; most of the resulting sediment gets carried to the ocean where it may be combined with other things and form a different kind of rock. The properties of the “original” affect what happens to the next configuration of matter. This new rock may be used for a creature’s habitat, like how we quarry rock to make our buildings. Or, it may end up into the Earth’s mantle due to geologic processes and melts into magma and so the material is recycled. This magma may erupt somewhere on the planet and the components it will be used for other things. Instead of erupting it can eventually approach the surface and become part of another mountain (and the cycle continues).

The possibilities are endless but everything is recycled, nothing is truly lost; even you and I and our effects on the environment and the lives of others.

Everything has its place, when you fully appreciate this perhaps you will have more peace of mind. Everything counts for something in the grand scheme of things, appreciable by us or not.

[CleverName]

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Knight-
It funny you said what you did, because that is what I think about, everytime I step outside, nearly every day.

Doc-
Actually, another one of my fears is getting older. I think I would rather die in some epic way before I start to break down. I strongly believe in the old term "Better to burn out than fade away". I figure once I hit a certain age, I'll start doing things I might not otherwise do if I were concerned with living . For example, I am into surfing, so when I hit say.. 40 I want to start doing big wave surfing, not to put myself in danger, but to gain an experiance few ever will have. If I die doing that, thats ok with me, and a great way to be remembered (if only for a little while).

If you dont know what that is, its this:
YouTube - Teahupoo - Biggest Day 2007

EEK-
I think you are pretty much dead on. I know there is no escape, I know I have to accept that, its just very difficult. Some days, I have fully accepted it, and its never on my mind, others I couldn't pry the thought from my skull with a cro-bar. You are right, but it's just a difficult thing for me to overcome.

Again, thanks for your help. Any more is welcome.

[EvilEvilKitten]

It can be difficult, yes, but often the things we have work hardest to achieve are the things we value the most.