Acquiring Self Confidence

[dancingdoc2]

Men and women, boys and girls, of all ages can have difficulty with self confidence and a lack thereof. A lack of confidence can manifest itself in several ways, for example:

* Difficulty engaging in a conversation one-on-one
* Inability to speak in public before a group or large audience
* Difficulty speaking up for oneself
* Hesitancy with others in maintaining boundaries
* Difficulty or inability to try new and unfamiliar activities
+ a fear of failure
* Fear of rejection

Self confidence comes from having accumulated several small successes. Added up, these successes can really work to bolster a person's sense of self, self worth, and, confidence.

Act your way to success. Just like an actor or actress in a movie or play, act the part of the person you wish to be. Doing this enough you should find that your actions will become second nature and a part of you.

Do not be afraid of failure. Learning something new means you may not always succeed. Don't be critical of yourself. If the failure happens in front of someone, apologize if necessary, and let it be known you are learning.

"Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead!" As I tell my dance students, do not go to a dance to dance because for a guy with a fragile male ego, it means he has to "perform"; rather than, going to a dance to practice. Practicing means we are free to make mistakes, then pick ourselves up and continue on all the while learning and becoming better. There is no pressure to "perform" flawlessly. The same holds true for developing self confidence. Next, if you feel good about yourself and who you are, then let this show through for others to see. If you are shy, fix this aspect of your personality, first, using the same technique.

It's about attitude, also. Believe that you can, not that you can't.

The idea behind "acting" your way to success and developing confidence is to change your behavior by doing small acts and then relishing in their successful completion. Your tasks can be anything as noted, above. One additional purpose is to bring a smile to your face with each success.

A word of warning, however; do not adopt a cocky attitude or an arrogant attitude in the process. Doing so will remove any hint of success in the eyes of others.

A confident person is one who in part stands tall and straight having good posture, makes eye contact with others, smiles, asks questions in order to learn, does not monopolize a conversation, listens well making mental notes of what is said, and, periodically uses people's names in a conversation with them, having a masterful handshake (guys: no hurtful squeezing!). Thank people for compliments received. Give compliments when deserved.

Do you really lack confidence? You might ask others what they see in you. While you may not feel very confident, this does not mean other people see you as you do. Ask people for their feedback on how they perceive you then use this information to develop your personality. It may just be that you will only have to change minor aspects instead of making a major overhaul. Either way, acting your way to success is one way to begin.

When talking to women, one great approach is to ask an opening question and then listen. Many women are chatty creatures by nature, so you can often carry on a conversation by simply asking a leading question and sitting back and listening. Next, by interjecting a comment or question, the conversation is revitalized and will most likely continue--all with little effort on your part.

When the time comes to talk about yourself, do not tell all, all at once. Pay the information out over time. Save some information for later, or, over another date or two. (Keep the person wanting more....)

If a person rudely interrupts a conversation or a gathering or comes between you and another person, quietly and politely inform the individual that this is either a private conversation or meeting, and now is not an appropriate time for his/her involvement. If, on the other hand, you need or want to talk to someone who is occupied, wait for a pause and quickly excuse yourself then quickly ask if you can talk to the person, later, when s/he is not busy.

Gaining confidence takes time, so do not be in a rush. Enjoy the journey as you undertake new tasks or activities and solidify familiar ones. Package all these things together under your cap and before too long you should have a "feather in your cap".

[aaron.adley]

Sounds like you suff with "social Anxiety" like a majority of females suffer with . I have suffered with this all my life now 25 in a fantastic relationship (getting married too) Basically its your mind playing tricks on you telling you one thing and meaning the other but to help you concord this issue when some says "that's a nice shirt or i like you in pink simple say "Thank you." You don't have to accept what they say but at least acknowledge their compliment because it hurts peoples feelings when they take the time to say something about someone and the person be little them by saying yeah what ever etc. Don't worry in time you'll learn to accept your feelings and forget!

EDITED: REMOVED SIGNATURE LINK.
MODERATOR 3

[caithness77]

Wish you and your partner all the very best Aaron. Thanks for your input.

[raunchy gal]

I've had a lot of issues with self confidence for almost all of my life.I was bullied and abused by other kids at school,then sexually abused by a relative,pushed around by dominating boyfriends,and yes even my husband abused me in various ways during our marriage.I am trying to change for the better,so that i can be more assertive(in a good way)and also help me to be able to develop and maintain relationships with others on various levels.But it is so hard to break old habits with a track record like mine.Any advice would be most appreciated!

[EvilEvilKitten]

I am confident because of all that I am - all of it - the good, the bad and the ugly.

That's the point: ACCEPT YOURSELF TOTALLY.

There isn't, there never has been, there never will be another person on this planet exactly like you - EVER.

No, you may not 'feel special', you may not be 'special' - but you are YOU and in that uniqueness lies your GLORY.

Learning to walk - you fell down alot. Learning to ride a bike - you fell over alot. Speaking up in public - you made a total ass out of yourself. Your book was rejected by 36 publishers. You lost that job. That husband/wife/lover wasn't the best choice. Hell has broken loose and ruin lies all around you.

But you still live. You still breathe. The sun still shines upon you.

You are tougher than you thought.
So be confident. While you live, you are triumphant.

[lnt1103]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

...you still live. You still breathe. The sun still shines upon you.

You are tougher than you thought.
So be confident. While you live, you are triumphant.

You've lived through things you'd never wish on your enemies, let alone anyone you actually care about. And you're here to talk about it.

There's more to you that is valuable than you realize. You are worthy of having better than you think.

You just need to believe it yourself.

[raunchy gal]

Thanks EEK and int1103,i guess i always thought that i didn't deserve anything good in my life,and was always destined to be treated like doggy do on the bottom of someones shoe.But lately i've realised that life is what i make of it,and it can be better if i really want it to be.I've finally been able to stand up to my husband and tell him that he doesn't own me and that i want a divorce as i've met someone else i want to be with.Also i never felt attractive or sexy enough for men to want me ,but since going on this site i have had men falling all over themselves to get to know me,and they've all been heaps younger than me bar one.I've made a few close friendships and a potential relationship with a man 20yrs my junior.I certainly never expected for anything like this to happen to lil ol me.

[sphinx]

I completely agree with EEK here, you really do have to accept yourself totally.

This isn't just about confidence hence being successful with men or women, this is about being successful with life. It ties in a lot with some other posts I have read by EEK, the Doc and others with regards to responsibility for your own sexual pleasure lying with yourself.

I guess one way to look at it is this, if you aren't passionate and completely accepting/loving of yourself then why should anyone else even consider being interested in or caring about you?

This applies when you are looking for a job, whatever you are doing. I think the way to avoid falling into the trap of being cocky and arrogant is to be genuinely enthusiastic about yourself and what you do. But don't let that turn into you being completely vain and unwilling to find out about another person. It is, as with pretty much everything, a question of finding the balance.

I completely accept myself and to be honest, my life is absolutely fantastic. Not because of what goes on in the world, after all I could say how work can get really stressful and I am being worked to the bone, or I am incredibly lonely, or any other negative which sure if I wasn't so self accepting would completely consume me. So even when I am thinking of the bad bits I still have a genuine feeling of happiness and a smile on my face, not because I enjoy misery, but because I am happy and comfortable with me. Accepting yourself means that you always have someone that understands you. You always have something you are proud of and genuinely excited about. And when times get rough, this can help pull you through, more often than not leaving you emerging with a smile on your face.

I would be willing to say that self acceptance and self appreciation is about 90% of the battle to being a more confident person.

Just to go from what RG said, that "...life is what I make it." This is so true! You'll hear people saying "hey thats life deal with it" and "life isn't fair" or "life is never how you want it" my answer to any person saying this is simple. You live in this world, and life is exactly how you make it, because at the end of the day, you are alive and a part of life.

So how YOU act is how life really is, not how you see everyone else acting. I think Michael Jackson sang a song about this and a man in a mirror! In other words, screw everyone else, be a little bit selfish, otherwise a person may as well get mug written on their foreheads.

It always surprises me how many people think that doing things for themselves is bad, it's not. It leaves you happy, and happiness can spread. So for the sake of leaving everyone else with a smile on their face, be smug, be content, walk with an air of yeah I am good and I know it, and most importantly, don't lie about it, genuinely feel and be it. Don't hide your glorious self. Whatever and whoever you are, stand tall, strong and proud.

[johnyreetz]

Many women are chatty creatures by nature, so you can often carry on a conversation by simply asking a leading question and sitting back and listening.It is, as with pretty much everything, a question of finding the balance.

[Thecalliton]

Im not the most confident person out there, but i have made up for it by being brave. You may not be confident that you will be able to carry on a good conversation with Ms. Hotbuns, but you can just go in and do your best. Might just be because im kind of a nutcase, but it works for me. (i tried to put my thoughts in an understandable way,b ut i doubt i did)