The Feline of Darkness

[EvilEvilKitten]

Just to explain, in a perhaps vain attempt to cut down on the number of complaints, why the EEK speaks as she does.

I am a battle-hardened veteran, of 40 years, having been through a great many men in various situations. I am a sexually aggressive woman and a soft dominatrix. I love and adore men as they come and not as most women would like them to be - no metro-sexual lapdogs and no 'bad boys' ty, since both types are boring creatures. I have been married to the same man for more than 30 years. We enjoy the Lifestyle. Two careers, two kids, two grandkids later and we still adore each other. So yes, I know about relationships. I also enjoy the attentions of three long term lovers - all male.

My philosophy is that if one is adult, thinks things through before doing them, makes arrangements correctly after due thought - all relationships will work out very nicely - assuming you selected the right person. If you didn't, then just say goodbye. Fair is fair - do not give it if you are not going to take it. Do not try to change your partner. Only your partner can change him or herself. I do not condone arguing. I recommend putting emotions on hold and discussing issues without assigning blame but rather asking why and explaining your point of view in ways your partner can understand.

I also do not suffer fools and childish people gladly. I am here to help you, not to put up with your antics, assuade your ego, pat you on your head and croon that everything will work out. If you need a kick in the backside, that is what you'll get. There are "nice" people here that will do that "nice nice" for you so that is not my job. My job is to give you the unvarnished truth from the real world. Short and to the point is my method. If you think that is being rude, you are mistaken. Arguing this point with me will result only in debasing yourself so don't bother.

Sex should be a glorious conflagration of souls that reaffirms life itself. If that is NOT what sex is for you, then you're doing something wrong. We can help you with that but you're going to have to open up your mind first.

Any questions?

[jayj1289]

yes... you seem so smart but i have a question. I recently had a friend who was engaged and he was her first and only. She decided she needed a break before they go married just so she had no regrets. My gf was also a virgin before me and I told this to her and then suggested that she hook up with someone so as to avoid any regrets later in life and any resent towards me. bad idea?

[EvilEvilKitten]

She never needed your permission so the point of good or bad idea is moot.

As to regrets or not, that's for her to say.

[jayj1289]

I was not giving her permission though I was suggesting that she do it... which is a big difference.

[dancingdoc2]

This is the purpose of dating.

Dating should not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us.

Dating is about learning and learning from a lot of different people in order to decide what characteristics, likes, dislikes, values, morals, goals, personalities, people have so that when Mr./Ms. Right does come along we will be better prepared to recognize him or her--and then know what we want in a person.

This is different from the first scenario and then learning months into a relationship, perhaps becoming engaged, that s/he is not the one for me, or, as you are suggesting she might do, to sample someone else just to make certain. Bad idea, that.

If one or the other of you are not absolutely positively certain your partner is right for you, then you should return to dating, not sidestepping the existing relationship. If or when you return to dating, then you can continue to date this current love interest or not.

> I told this to her and then suggested that she hook up with someone so as to avoid any regrets later in life and any resent towards me. bad idea?

This is putting the cart before the horse. The two of you and all others with whom the two of you meet should have been dating properly, all before the two of you met; then, there would be no need to endanger the relationship or perhaps even end it because she found someone else. Of course, I suppose ending things now is better than being married with two kids and heading for divorce court in a few years.

Regrets? The two of you should read the article on differences in levels of experience listed in the Index as food for thought.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[jayj1289]

>Of course, I suppose ending things now is better than being married with two kids and heading for divorce court in a few years.
thats what I was thinking, I don't know I guess I was just concerned that she was mixing up her feelings for me... love and lust that is.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Well, if you two had DATED instead of doing this hearts & flowers routine you wouldn't be "suggesting" anything because BOTH of you would be secure in your relationship and would KNOW if this was love or lust.

Please. Call the whole thing off and sort your lives out.
Then you two can think about getting back together.

BTW by even "suggesting" that she go 'hook up' with someone else you are giving her permission to do so. Or this is a test of her loyalty on your part which makes you a cad and unworthy of her regard. So which is it, buddy?
Are you a cad?

[jayj1289]

we did date. I know it's love for me... but for her I was thinking that she might have fallen for the common illusion that the attachment you feel for your first is love... she was still inexperienced. and i don't want her to have any regrets later especially since it is a long distance relationship. And no I would never test her or anything like that, I am fine with her seeing other people as long as her emotions don't change for me.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Therefore you are giving her permission. Why are you quibbling?

[jayj1289]

I suppose, but in order for a relationship to work both people do need to be ok with everything, but I am not being a douche about it and being like you may now hook up with someone... I communicated with her and told her what I am comfortable with.