Frog in a saucepot

[lnt1103]

I need to rant a moment, sorry.

Sometimes I feel like the proverbial frog in the pot of water that started cold and is heating up. Until someone splashes me in the face with TRULY cold water and I realize just how warm it's gotten without my noticing.

Sorry, I know that's confusing, let me clarify.

I know I'm very skinny. Have been all my life. Beanpole, toothpick, pencil, you get the drill. And ever since a little depressive phase I had about 8 years ago, where I lost 25 lbs in 8 weeks, it's been even worse. I'm not depressed anymore, but I can't seem to get the weight back, and if I do put some on, it doesn't stay. Part of this is that I'm type 1 diabetic, and to quote T, if I splurge, its a single, frostingless, cake doughnut, so he wonders what the point is. I hate the overfull feeling, so I normally quit at the first hint of getting full. And then there are the times that, if I didn't need to eat because of my condition, I really wouldn't feel the need to eat, but I do my best anyway, ya know?

So today, in an email at work that I admittedly shouldn't have seen, my colleague emails another colleague to ask if she knows if I have an eating disorder. I eat substantial lunch every day, haven't had a sick day that wasn't for doctor's check ups in probably a year or more. Part of me wonders how I didn't know I apparently look that bad.

End of rant, sorry. Can't facebook it, because my overprotective and paranoid mother would see it on my wall and get even worse than she already is. Even though I'm 31 in a couple months.

[headhead]

Have you considered the possibility that your nosy colleague is jealous?

[lnt1103]

My first tendency is to take her at her word from the email, that it's concern for me. She's an incredibly sweet, caring woman. But I guess anything's possible.

[Brandye]

Your chronic warming in the sauce pot is becoming an acute boil for your psyche. Time to take some action, starting with your mother snooping and riding you. At thirty-one, your issues are your issues, not hers, until you choose to share them.

I do not know whether your weight is a problem or merely a symptom of underlying psychological issues. Lord know, I rant against excess weight from time to time. You can begin with dietitian or you can begin with a psychologist; I suspect both need be involved.

Eat your substantial lunch and think about it.

[Rouge]

Some people aresimply thin too though, it isn't necessarily because of anything. My mother is a type 1 diabetic, and is rather large. It could be the insulin, or it may be nothing!

[lnt1103]

Originally Posted by Brandye

I do not know whether your weight is a problem or merely a symptom of underlying psychological issues.

Mom is just a mom of two who was a mom of three until 15 years ago, and I'm the youngest, and you can figure out the rest I'm sure. I just try not to give her anymore stuff like this to think about than she already has running through her mind anyway.

T will tell you that, psychologically, I'm the healthiest I've been since he met me. Truth be known, since my sibling's death when I was 15. He categorically disagrees that I look 'that bad', or that I have a single sign of a disorder (no teeth are falling out, no exercise besides living on the third floor with no elevator, no rushing to the restroom right after meals), or that it's any of my colleagues' business. As an example of 'substantial lunch', I had roughly 70 grams of carb at lunch today. Pasta and yogurt.

It just gets very frustrating to try so hard to put weight on, to no avail. And then to find out people look at me and think I have a disorder...argh!!

[lnt1103]

The colleague who asked the question and I were chatting over lunch today....not about this but it popped out that she was bulimic for 12 years. Sounds to me like she's just being hyper-attentive to one detail, my size. Kind of like, for a while after my first diagnosis of diabetes, every time I heard of a person getting up from sleep to pee, I wondered if they were diabetic.

[2little]

i had a issue for over 2 years i am 5"6 and i weighed 110lbs very tiny and couldn't put the weight on. my doctor suggested for me to drink meal replacement drinks whenever i wanted to have a drink, like instead of water or pop. i started with one a day and then 2 a day and eventuallly my hunger grew. but because i was so tiny i became hypoglocimic. (suger counts too low). but now i am at a healthy 140lbs. it was hard to go from being tiny to a healthy tiny.

just thought maybe this info would be useful.

and if you don't want anyone to know about trying to put weight on, i always just opened the can and put it in a glass and told people it was chocolate milk. (the ones i would drink were chocolate, many other flavours tho.)

[lnt1103]

I do appreciate the ideas 2little. The thing about the shakes is, I don't just sit down and drink something in a single sitting during the day. I tend to nurse a 20oz (diet)pop all morning, and it would be really confusing to try to bolus(dose insulin) correctly for the shake if I drink it that way. I've actually been thinking of incorporating cheese sticks as snacks through the day--calories and a little fat, but no carb to bolus for.

And it's got nothing to do with people knowing or not....my metabolism just pi$$es me off