cheating - right or wrong

[mormegil]

hi i know there is no right or wrong answer to this but am interested in peoples opinions. first i want to explain why im asking this question.

I have always though cheating was wrong and that people did it because they didnt love the person they were with and where basically immoral. when my ex cheated on me and got pregnant with someone else that really strengthened my feelings on the subject.

i have now been with my current girlfriend for just over 2 years (2 years and 3 weeks to be precise) and we used to have great sex. however we had a couple of set backs. we had a condom split twice on two different occasions which ended on us having to get the morning after pill. my girlfriend then went on the pill and it made her ill so she got the implant which made her period all the time so she had low blood levels so she had that out. after all these problems she doesnt like sex anymore. we have had sex once in the last year and a half and that was 9 months ago. occasionally we will have foreplay but she doesnt want sex because of all the problems we have had. i have (i feel) been understanding. i dont pressure her into anything she doesnt want to do and i support her through anything she wants to do or is having trouble with.

now to the point. i have a relatively high sex drive and have to make do with masturbation to keep satisfied. but there is a girl at work who has made no secret of liking me. we went out for a works do and she asked me to come back to her flat to have sex with her. i refused. 2 weeks later i had to go up to head office for an overnight training course and it was just the 2 of us and we had to stay overnight in the same hotel. she tried to get me to sleep with her in her room. again i refused. then she started emailing me pictures of herself having sex and playing with dildos etc and said she would fulfill all my fantasies. (my main fantasy is anal sex with my girlfriend but she thinks its disgusting) i again refused and deleted all the emails and pictures. there is also another girl who is interested in me but has not made persistent moves like the other girl.

i have always remained faithful to my girlfriend and have never considered cheating on her. but i have started to wonder if perhaps people dont cheat because they dont love the person they are with but because they have needs to be fulfilled?. both me and my girlfriend have been cheated on and so would not cheat on each other. (plus we have a good relationship we spend a lot of time together and everything is good and she is really clingy over me and gives none of the signs of cheating) so my question is, is it wrong to cheat or is it in some ways ok.

[lnt1103]

Well the first two things I would submit are that, 1) there's more than two forms of BC in the world, and 2) she has more body parts than just her vagina or anus that are capable of pleasuring you. Don't just give up. Keep looking at alternatives--there's gotta be one that will work. I can't take the pill because of risk factors from the hormones, so they put me on a Minera IUD. I don't bleed nearly as much as I used to. I also have a quite capable mouth and hands.

Anyway, I personally consider it always wrong to go outside the relationship, unless you're honest about it from the get-go and your partner agrees whole-heartedly. But of course, then that's not 'cheating', it's an open relationship.

[Massdebator]

In your situation, going outside your relationship would be kind of like running away from the problem. Rather than deal with it, you would be seeking immediate gratification. It's important to discuss with partners your needs and whether or not they're being met. I understand she's traumatized, but caring partners should want to help one another stay satisfied (That means you too. Is she as unfulfilled as you?). I guess what I'm getting at is: One will be less interested in "cheating" if things are fulfilling/being corrected in-house.

Now, as to your last question, I also think it always wrong to go outside an exclusive relationship. The act, simply put, is a violation of trust. The mature alternative is discuss with your partner what you want, and act based on their response by: 1) fixing the problem with each other; 2) making the relationship an open one; or 3) realizing that you and your partner are incompatible on too many levels and breaking it off entirely.

[dancingdoc2]

Doesn't your girlfriend know that there are all kinds of contraceptive devices? If so, why hasn't she investigated them? That is the big question I'd want an answer to if I were you.

Not wanting intercourse and knowing that there are other forms of birth control beside the pill, patch, and shot, seems to signal more going on that you are aware of. Talk to each other.

Contraceptives

Advice on Birth Control Options

Birth Control Failure Rates

[EvilEvilKitten]

I am totally amazed - why are you acting like a husband when you're just a boyfriend? All the pain of being a husband without getting the benefits of the job.

Would you accept a job for which you were not getting paid?
Of course not!

So why are you doing it now here with this girl?

Is she actively and aggressively seeking solutions to her problems?
If so, then stay and be supportive.

If she is not, then walk away.

Cheating iis ONLY possible if you two have sworn a vow to be exclusive in front of witnesses. To wit - IF YOU'RE MARRIED. If you're not married then it isn't cheating because ONLY husbands and wives have any rights when it comes to their spouses.

Boyfriends and girlfriends have only those rights their partners choose to give them. And you cannot just assume you have any rights - you have to ask and be given them. So if you two didn't say "we'll be exclusive" then you aren't and cheating is an irrelevant concept.