determining if you are aroused or not?'s

[orgasmless2]

due to us having many many problems regarding sex we have been looking at the various aspects of it, one thing that is taken for granted by reading books is the fact that they all assume that one would know if and when one was aroused, so just how do you know that ladies? its become clear to us that i have no idea if or when i ever am or was aroused in the last 26 yrs of our marriage or before then at all, and without being able to address this then i can not go on further to learn how to orgasm with or without my husband can i? so just what do you do?


apologies if this is in the wrong area please feel free to move it

[Brandye]

First, do not feel that you are alone. One-quarter of all women have never experienced an orgasm. The oldest patient I have ever had who achieved her first orgasm was over 50. There are a few who experienced their first after 30 and a few children.. There are, of course, many more who never have and will never mention it.

Get the book Our Bodies Our Selves and figure out how your body works. Then, a visit or two to a sex therapist (your gyn can refer you) could be very helpful. After 26 years of marriage, most women have given up and simply do not care. Too many are into habit patterns that are extremely hard to break. You will likely need some help. Regrettably, many achieve some success with a change of partner and certainly there needs to be a change of behaviour on your parts.

How do we tell? In addition to the physical indicators of wetness, enlarge clitoris, opening of the lips and, often, nipple erection, I feel an intense need for stimulation of my genitals - externally and, sometimes, internally. It is that if I do not get that, I supply it myself.

[orgasmless2]

thanks for that but what if you have already been to the sex therapist and its made no difference at all,?

ihave no physical tell tale signs at all, to have sex we have to use lube by the bucket full, my clit never changes or even lets me know it is there, or my nipples only go hard due to me being cold, what else can we do?

[Brandye]

If all physical possibilities have been checked out and you have sought therapy, there is really some change required.

Among late bloomers in orgasm things I have seen include: getting a good vibrator; having an affair; finding a girlfriend to help. One woman, after her third child, went on top for the first time and found the different position and ability to "be selfish" made the difference. And, of course, some women simply give up and accept the situation.

A good gyn exam with a doctor who specializes in sexual dysfunction is indicated.

[orgasmless2]

Originally Posted by Brandye

If all physical possibilities have been checked out and you have sought therapy, there is really some change required.

Among late bloomers in orgasm things I have seen include: getting a good vibrator; having an affair; finding a girlfriend to help. One woman, after her third child, went on top for the first time and found the different position and ability to "be selfish" made the difference. And, of course, some women simply give up and accept the situation.

i have just got rid of so many vibs a few weeks back as none of them did a thing, at best they just buzzed, the girl friend idea is out, and i have tried doing wot, but i havent a clue how you are meant to move so he ends up doing that and i just hang on while he does whatever he wants, not the idea realy is it, all it does is me going up and down on top of him tho and it feels of nothing more than that.

A good gyn exam with a doctor who specializes in sexual dysfunction is indicated.

i have never had a successful gyn exam in my life they simply cant get to check inside of me at all for the pain once they try that speclum in me, it gets maybe 1/2 inch in at best

[Brandye]

The problem may be inside or it may be outside. To a good gyn who is aware of your sexual dysfunction, the inability to insert the speculum (which we all dislike) should be a clue.

Find a doctor who specializes in female sexual dysfunction.

[orgasmless2]

Originally Posted by Brandye

The problem may be inside or it may be outside. To a good gyn who is aware of your sexual dysfunction, the inability to insert the speculum (which we all dislike) should be a clue.

Find a doctor who specializes in female sexual dysfunction.

could you reccomend one in the north east of england then brandye?

[Brandye]

Ring the Sexual Dysfunction Association at 0870 774 3571. They can give you referrals all over the UK through both NHS and private clinics. Their help line is one of the best.

The only referrals I have made have been to a sex therapist in Glasgow and you should start with the complete physical workup. There is no pixie dust to be sprinkled on your pudenda to solve this. An exam by someone particularly interested in dysfunction in women will note things that most of us would ignore.