Insecurity and orgasms

[jessbcuz]

Can Insecurity and not feeling good about yourself be a possibility why im not able to have an orgasm during sex. im not happy with my appearance lately and i feel unattractive. my boyfriend hasn't wanted to have sex with me lately, he'd rather jack off to a porn, and that bothers me and makes me even more insecure about myself, ive tried talking 2 him about it and he doesnt really respond or he gets upset and says " I dont want 2 have this conversation" so what should i do in order 2 get my security back and my sex life back?

[Brandye]

Sexual response is more in your head than in other parts of your body. Yes, feeling inadequate and insecure has a great effect.

Sex is more a symptom than a cause of difficulties in a relationship. Time to have that discussion and make some decisions for yourself. If a partner preferred his hand to various parts of me and would not talk, he would be history - to avoid feeling bad about myself.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Jess - you still call this lout your boyfriend??!?! Why?

You're not married to him. You do not have to hang around and make this work or anything of the sort.

If you want to be nice about it - try to have the conversation with him again.
If he balks, then whoever owns the house/apartment stays and the other person..doesn't.

If you don't want to be nice about it - and he's lving in your house/apartment - have his stuff put into storage in his name and change the locks. Hey, you tried talking to him once. If a man doesn't listen... well, he just has to accept whatever happens.

Bye, bye, Baby, bye bye.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by jessbcuz

Can Insecurity and not feeling good about yourself be a possibility why im not able to have an orgasm during sex. im not happy with my appearance lately and i feel unattractive.

I can understand not feeling good about yourself and being unhappy with some aspect of your body, particularly if a guy is saying and doing things that are unkind or demeaning. On the other hand, if your fella is simply not plugged in and tuned in then, PLEASE keep in mind that a healthy relationship stems from two autonomous individuals coming together out of choice in order to have a life better than the sum of its two parts. You should not need to be validated by someone else in order to feel whole or complete. If you like yourself, feel comfortable about yourself, have a strong personality, then you should not be lacking in self esteem. That your partner compliments you, praises you, supports you, encourages you are all pluses. So, please become more independent and not needy. Work on confidence and esteem, regardless of what he or anyone else says or does.

Is your disappointment about your appearance real or imagined? Many women have image problems, particularly as teens. If there is something you can do to change it or make the change a work in progress, then proceed. If the disappointment is more a matter of not liking what Mother Nature and genes have provided, then make the most of it, especially if people are contradicting your internal dialog.

While a woman may have an issue about this or that part of her body, what she generally discounts and finds fault with is in her man's opinion. It is important to know and understand that when a man falls for a woman, he also falls for those parts as yet unseen, hook, line, and sinker. Believe him when he tells you he thinks you are beautiful, for in his eyes you are.

my boyfriend hasn't wanted to have sex with me lately, he'd rather jack off to a porn, and that bothers me and makes me even more insecure about myself,

This has more to do with the relationship than with you per se. If the relationship is in trouble, and he is unwilling to work on making it better, then it is time to move on. The dating process does not begin and end with the first warm body expressing and interest in us. Dating is a all about meeting and interacting with others on an ongoing basis in order to recognize when Mr./Ms. Right comes along. This may be an indication of the time being right to move on to the next fella.

On flip side to the porn viewing, have you taken the matter into your own hands so to speak when he is ingrossed in the video? Rather than fighting hm on this, why not help him get satisfaction, so to speak. Make lemonade out of lemons.

ive tried talking 2 him about it and he doesnt really respond or he gets upset and says " I dont want 2 have this conversation" so what should i do in order 2 get my security back and my sex life back?

Asked and answered. Do not rely upon anybody for your own confidence and worth. Work on developing this on your own just like you would if single. That a man is in your life should only make what you have better. If it is not or is not to be, better to accept what is and move on if he is unwilling to make the partnership better.

[jessbcuz]

ive tried to involve myself while he was into his porns and whenever i try 2 join in he turns off his porn and tells me well im done with this i was just checking it out 4 a second and then he involves himself into something else away from sex like hes thinking to himself "great now ive lost intrest, she had 2 ruin it 4 me" i could read it so clear on his facial expression

[EvilEvilKitten]

Drop him and walk away.

[dancingdoc2]

Why are you staying with this person? Is it financial? Other? (Please do not say it is "because I love him....") A relationship works and is successful only if both people contribute and work at it every day. He is not.

So, why is he staying in the relationship? Because in spite of not responding you you and your needs, he is getting what he needs from you--a home, maid service, laundry service, food service. In other words, and for whatever reason, he is in a comfort zone and is willing to tolerate what he does not like in the relationship for what he gets out of staying. Why are you willing to cater to him instead of finding a man who wants a relationship and with you and wants to make it work?

[Buck Naked]

Originally Posted by jessbcuz

ive tried to involve myself while he was into his porns and whenever i try 2 join in he turns off his porn and tells me well im done with this i was just checking it out 4 a second and then he involves himself into something else away from sex like hes thinking to himself "great now ive lost intrest, she had 2 ruin it 4 me" i could read it so clear on his facial expression

That sounds like a really bad sign. How old is he? How long have you been with him? The reason I ask is because when I was younger I was not great at handling break ups. Obviously a maturity thing, but going "cold" is a pretty common response for young guys that don't know how to end a relationship.

In my opinion, the reason men have such a bad reputation is because of our actions in our early years. Don't get me wrong, we deserve every bit of it. I was so bad to some, not all, of my girlfriends mostly because I was not mature enough to handle such an intense relationship. Ending it and causing someone that I cared about pain was more then I could handle. Basically, going cold would eventually force the confrontation while giving her a heads up that something was wrong. Stupid...yes, but again maturity was lacking. I regret it very much. Don't worry though, later on I was paid back ten times over by girlfriends that put me through the wringer.

If I'm you I would force the issue and find out what's up. You should not hang around and let your self image take a beating. If he doesn't want you, I assure you there are many, many men out there that are looking for a caring woman to spend a lifetime with. I say this because my wife is finally realizing how attractive she is to me and this is after a decade of being together. She could never see what I see, and I couldn't understand how she didn't. My point is, self image problems can really stay with you. Don't allow yours to be hurt anymore.