what is wrong with him, please help...

[donutsunny]

I am dating a guy who is now 34. He has a good job and a house of his own. Everything sounds perfect, right? But he does not feel satisfy about what he has. He is pretty much a laid back person, doesnt go clubbing very often...However, I recently figure out that he has some personal problem. He usually comparing himself with his friends why they could be that attractive to women and he couldnt be like that, why they are popular and he is not. One time, he told me that he dreams of becoming a well known writer, having a big luxury house, nice cars and a beautiful wife just like in a movie...there is nothing wrong to dream big but to me, he is trying too hard and taking everything too serious, therefore, he gets stucks in what he is dreaming of. He gets stressed and depressed very easily. Whenever it happens, all he does is hiding in the house for days, ignoring the whole world, avoiding to talk to friends including me....Also, he is always looking for the perfection in life. he dates many girls (this broke my heart), but never wanted to committ to any of them and never had any idea about getting marriage because of his parents divorce. he thinks that if he committ to one women, he will miss another good one out there. he like some good characteristics in one girl, and another good characteristic in other girls, and so he wants to date them all at the same time. Up until now, I have been together for 10 months and he still has no idea about the relationship between us. I think he has some problem with his personality or somewhat i dont know. I know that I am a silly girl for being with him that long. I somehow want to leave him and move on with my life but somehow I just want to help him. one night we supposed to go out for dinner but he he canceled in the last min sayign that he doesnt want to go out. I drove 30mins to his house, seeing him being so despressed and starving. it broke my heart seeing him like that. he seems having 2 different personalities. one is a caring person, a good doctor, smart, nice guy, and the other one is pessimistic person who always living in a dream, having negative thoughts about life. I am thinking about talking him into yoga, and suggest him to see a psychologist. Please tell me what is wrong with him, how to help him to be more optimistic and satify with what he has in his life. please help me..

[EvilEvilKitten]

This is a common problem. There is little you can really do for him unless you are willing to really go out onto a limb WITH him.

1. He must learn NOT to make his parents' problem - his problem as well. So they divorced? BFD. Millions have and it hasn't ended the world.

2. NO ONE is perfect. Not going to happen. Ever. Not you. Not your gf/wife. No one. Get over it. Human imperfections are often our most glorious and endearing features.

3. He is fine AS HE IS. Stop the self-doubt. ALL of us go with what we've got - he can too. Takes all kinds - and he is one of those kinds.

4. Marriage does not automatically mean divorce and it doesn't have to if you marry the right person in the first place which you can ONLY do if you go with who you are from the start. No courting. No hiding. No pretences and no apologies. Just be YOU - as if naked before the world - and saying "dontcha love it?" LOL

YOU only live ONCE so you might as well GET ON WITH IT.

Take this guy out every Friday night to the local bar with the most people in it and PARTY - dance, sing, flirt, play stupid games - whatever. Gather up like-minded buddies and drag this guy along with you - by the scruff of his neck if you have to.

The next day - after the hangover's done - ask him if he's still living - if yes, then what is he afraid of? Not a damn thing - hey - he's still living right?

I recommend such heavy duty treatment about once a month until he 'gets it' and starts inviting you out!

Then we'll start on him having parties at his place!