Marraige

[Ducy]

Okay, so I was pondering things this morning and I wonder. What is the purpose of marraige? I mean Everyone says its so a man and woman (or whomever) can express their love and promise to be true forever. But why cant people just say I love you I will always be yours, and give the one they love a promise ring.

Isnt marraige just a financial contract? I mean you get married you get tax breaks, if you have kids and are married, you get another tax breaks, but neither party has to pay child support or anything.

And if the couple ever divorces, they have to pay alimony and such.

The way I see it, marraige has no special meaning to it.

[nuttychick]

Well Ducy in my eyes marriage is the Ultimate commitment....
You will probably not understand it until you are married....

As for a financial contract? lol that all depends on where in the world you live.
Here in NZ there is no tax breaks for married couples.

It really is an each to their own sort of thing....

[Ducy]

It just seems to me that nobody is really wanting to commit for the right reasons anymore.

One person I knows wants to get married just so she can have a baby. Another person married a guy in the military just so they could move away from home. The moment they reached the base, and all her stuff was over, had a secure job etc. They divorced so she could move on with her life. I just dont get it

[kate_luana]

I would say that the difference between just saying "I will commit to you forever" and getting married is that the marriage serves as a sort of "proof" of the commitment. "I will commit to you forever, and I will demonstrate that I am being honest by entering into this lifelong documented contract with you." Obviously it's not an infallible proof, but given the amount of people who break up while engaged, I think willingness to sign the contract shows, on average, a stronger commitment than the words alone do.

ETA: Just like how someone's word is taken more seriously when they sign a contract as opposed to a verbal commitment. Signing the contract means more penalties if the contract is broken; same goes for marriage. Willingness to accept these penalties if the contract is broken is a sign (again, not infallible; this of course varies with everyone) that there is confidence in the ability to maintain the contract.

Then of course there are the people who treat marriage like a toy to be played with and put down when bored with it... But that's not addressing the issue like an adult should, in my opinion.

[Mr. Saint]

I personally believe that marriage is nothing more then the States sanctioning of love. I disagree with it for two reasons. First, it is creating a special class of people. Married couples can get special tax benefits that unmarried couples can not. Second, people should only be together as long as they are happy together. If your partner constantly is irritating you and you no longer want to spend time with them or no longer love them, then it only seems natural to move on. Most of marriage comes from religion, which I think most people know how I feel about that. I want the State to stay out of my personal life as much as possible; I am for abolishing all marriage on the State level and making it a solely private interaction. But I am a radical nutcase.

[sera300]

Ducy:

People do it since they wish to commit to the other forever...until death does you part. And some choose a church ceremony.

It's not all bad so don't take it that way...you do it for purposes of; sharing a life, sharing a name, sharing households, sharing bills, sharing in child rearing, and to set an example to the family & public of the commitment. The community used to be supportive of newly weds & help keep them on path. People turned to elders for assistance & guidance.

Yes, you get a child exemption or head of household exemption; and if you split there is child support to be paid for the upkeep of the kids. Spousal support is nearly abolished now [aka alimony] unless the spouse was out of work for a period of time & stayed home w/kids.

One main reason for marriage is additionally is rights of inheritance, as well as a legal right to make choices for the other spouse if incapacitated.

Honestly you hear the bad; it's really a good thing overall when with the right person. And there is a big difference between living together & being married...there is a greater commitment. Anyone who says a piece of paper changes nothing is so very wrong; it changes life forever.

Don't be down on marriage, learn from what you hear. Honestly, if I were younger, knowing what I do now...I would still have chosen to marry. NOTHING has to do with the finances to me to want to marry...it's the recognition & commitment. It's not all bad...TRUST ME.

[smallestoftheclan]

Marriage is a commitment. At 47 and not married, could honestly not say the words "til death do we part" and mean them. Not just religious, in fact I would say that yes I believe in heaven and in a higher power yet would not say that I am religious. Have never belonged to a church, nor have I ever, on a regular basis gone to church services. Just me, looking at myself in the mirror everyday, could not go thru with any of the 3 engagements to the wedding.
It is not that I don't believe in divorce. If two people are not able to live together and to seperate is the best course then kids, no kids whatever get a divorce. And as for alimony, child support, a settlement or whatever when one person makes more than another than yes the person making more should have some responsibility to the one that doesn't.
Why because of a divorce should children have to go from a upper class lifestyle to a lower class level because the two people that brought them into this world can't get along. I think there should be a better way, maybe instead of child support, that a home similar to the one they live in is now provided for them to live in. That there is more structure to how the money that a child is to receive is spent. Instead of a lump sum being sent to the custodial parent, so much is sent to the mortgage company, so much to the gas, electric and other utilities. Make the excuse of it not being spent on the kids excuse go away.
Marriage is a contract of commitment. It should bring trust, love and safety into a relationship. I was a lucky kid, my parents met when they were 16 and 22, married when they were 21 and 27, mom passed when she was 62 and dad, less than 2 years later, was 69. They lived every stage of their vows, yet they loved each other, and us three kids more than that. I think???
Marriage is what you make of it. It is what you believe it is or should be. And yes, there are benefits to marriage and there are benefits to not be married as well. I have no regrets in never getting married, yet if it's the right guy, the right time and the love is there I will marry one day. If I don't oh well, life has been fun, exciting and full of many adventures.

[Ducy]

Why should the person who makes me be required to pay the one who doesnt? Since one person happens to chance into a better paying job, or one agrees that they should be a stay at home mother of father, the better off person should be penalized?

That makes no sense. Ultimately it is as if the govt or judge who grants the divorce discourages one party to be successful in the marraige because if you are it just bites you in the ass.

[Mr. Saint]

I think the point of alimony is to make sure that one party is not so dependent on the other that they can’t leave if things get bad. The whole thing is stupid, just abolish marriage and give everyone the ability to do all the inheritances things and such that make marriage somewhat necessary and make it a private ceremony. Then there would be no problem with gay marriage and alimony laws and such.

[sera300]

Ducy:

It's called distribution of marital assets & equity. Equity does not equate to equality. Equal is half & half...Cali. is a Community property state.

Often, when married one spouse wishes or has requested the other to stay home to raise the children. Often due to thoughts of no babysitters to pay or they want their wife home. Now, if the woman or man are a secretary, commutes about 45 minutes to work, has a child, the other partner worked their way up the corporate ladder while the other gave it up to help since someone has to often, why should the property no be fairly distributed? I am not talking equally.

Now, look at this wife [or husband] works full time, get paid lower than the other, comes home cleans the house, cooks dinner, does the kids homework, laundry, etc. The other spouse comes in and mows the law. Say for an argument here, the husband decides he wants out & has an affair with the secretary [yeah, I know it sounds unfair but trying to illustrate for you]. The wife is the lower pay earner since it's statistically women are paid less than a male counterpart for the identical job...or she stayed home to have their three kids until they went to 1st grade? Now, she goes back and had a big pay cut if she [or he] can find a job. He is off in the Corporate world...why should she [or he if you reverse the role] not expect a fair financial settlement for the kids upkeep & to offset her income to a reasonable level until she can be fully 100% there? The kids should not have to suffer...she can re-educate herself and get back out to work. But when you go from a $200,000 annual income to zero; no one else can care for the kids, who pays the mortgage & food? See?

This is why they make pre-nups. Now, there have been reverse situations where men have stayed home to raise kids & get financial support from the wife. It's not splitting it 50/50 it's paying for a similar lifestyle that you both provided to your children prior to divorce that they look at. As the spouse at home? Support is only for a few years; until they can get the finances from re-employment. No free ride. Yet he [or she] is in the corporate world and taking a big hit too...plus supporting a house & a new home. There is no winning as Danny Devito said in War of the Roses...there are only degrees of losing.

With this said; as a man what makes you feel so exempt? Not to put a spin here but look...my ex had it all; I owed all the houses free of a mortgage, paid the utility's, and I worked. All the cars were in my name too...I paid for them. My salary was higher & I had a good financial plan before him! He occasionally mowed the lawn and did some minor, very minor repairs around. I had them done myself or did them myself the majority of the time. I paid for his education Undergrad (x2) and a JD--free & clear. I gave him every piece of marital property; I only wanted what I had prior to the marriage & what I kept separate property (I had before him). I opted out of is pension, he was only to pay the remaining bills he had left (his...flowers for his g/f, etc.), I opted out of ANY right to his degrees. The only thing he did pay really during our marriage was for groceries & "his stuff". Why should I pay him a penny? I refused to and spent in on my attorney & CPA...I said if I was tossing money out of the window; it would go to legal representation.

By law; what I had prior to marriage was mine & same with him. Anything we accumulated together during the marriage is subject to EQUITABLE distribution...I gave him it all. He THOUGHT I would pay for spousal support. He tried! He had a full time job and a nice career compliments of me! And then you want my house??? He was lucky I was nice & did not take half the value of is law degree...2.5/m & half of his pension. It was immaterial.

We get married to have a family, to come home to the same person, to build a life together, and you love the other deeply. A license is a legally recognized commitment by law for many reasons; all are not financial, some are for helping the person, your spouse, when life goes bad. Unfortunately, when marriages go bad, people try to hurt each other & too often they try through finances. Always rise above it. Marriage is good Ducy, truth be known? If I met the right man, I would do it again as much as I remark NEVER. But he has to make it clear this is it; he wants the marriage & realize I cannot have children any longer. Other than being labeled a "chronic marrier"...I do believe in it. When it works it's great, you have to keep it working. Being single is not all it's cracked up to be but as a single person I like to tell everyone it's great...no one complains about what you made for dinner or if you may snore at night! But you also do not have anyone.