depression

[rlgates]

I dont know realy were I should turn about this. maybe I need to vent, maybe I need help, I dont know anymore. Some of you may know me, and my past with the, in my words, Not so fairer sex.

To bring you up to speed, I have been single for the last, let me see, shit, 6 months now!! God, has it been that long... anyway.. In that time, I have tryed dating site after dating site, bars, asking friends and family, shit, even tryed my fair shots at Craigslist.. I have come to the idea that I must have the word "doormat" on my body some were cause I cant see it, but anyone I talk to does.

I have been matched with I dont know how many women on these sites, replyed to ads and or had somone set me up with someone. To date, all in all, I think it brakes down like this..

Dating sites- 200 matchs +\-
Craigslist- 20 listing for myself, countless ads replyed to
Family/friends- 10 set ups for blind dates

Now, you may say that sounds like good odds! Its NOT! Out of all those people, maybe 5 I have realy gotten to speak to in anyway, and try to meet face to face. As of today, I have been stude up all 5 times!!! I have been talk down to, mad fun of, push on, spat on, shit, I dont know what else to say.

I guess what I am saying, no asking. Once you get to the point I am at..how do you keep going? Right now.. I find no joy in my job, life or anything I do. I have lost the will to smile, cry or even to care about myself or anyone around me, that includes my own family. My own mother told me today I she had never seen me this way before.. Im cold.. I feel as if I have icewater in my blood and I cant even feel my own heart beat anymore right now.

I guess, maybe I have lost my will to do anything.. Once you lose that, what do you do? Some may say, after reading this, I sound like I am thinking about offing myself. Tell the truth.. I see that as a chickens way out..that is one thing I am not. But still, how does one carry on after being put down and layed low by what feels like everyone around them? As I sit here writing this, I cant help but feel nothing inside my own body. I feel as if I am locked inside my body, watching somone else and there is nothing I can do.

anyone............................................ ...........

[sera300]

I would say you need to talk to a counselor. However, in the meantime you need to develop a sense of self. A world of your own where you are all you can be and do what you love.

Now, the dating part? You keep your life going and date; however, women seem to be picking up on your feelings. The others who treat you as less than worthy? They were never worth your time or trouble. Look at the women you pick, why, what do you find attractive? Try dating those you may have not thought to been your type.

How old are you?

Also, what do you do for hobbies? Or are you seeking yourself through another person? As you know suicide is the final choice and no going back to correct what seems so tough right now. If you feel the feeling is becoming a true thought--go to the local Emergency Room or Police Department...why? They will help you.

However, I think you are at the point of being down that life is not going the way you wish...have to make you life full and whole alone first--then allow the right person in. Finding good date material takes time & there is no guarantees.

[dancingdoc2]

Please do not use four letter words in the future. This is a great site, let's not pollute it with foul language.

[Beans518]

There's nothing wrong with you,everyone gets depressed just some people get more depressed than others. I can't tell you what happened with those girls all I can say about that is no amount of planning,blind dates or hook-ups you have it'll happen when it happens and there's nothing you can do about that.

In the mean time, this feeling will pass even though it doesn't feel like it. Take it from someone with major depression and going through this all the time. It's not the end of the world it just feels like it. I agree with sera too, if you start to feel even worse I'd seek help it might be time for MEDS! I know I need mine!

[alw06tchs]

i dont think anything is wrong with you. everyone goes through stuff like this it is ok.
and if you are trying to find love then mayb you are looking way to hard for it.
i know that i was in a relationship for 2 years we were engaged to get married and everything and we feel apart and i thought that i was never going to find any one and i was about to give up on guys and jsut stay single for a while and now i have my boyfriend he is awesome i love him very much he showed me how to love agian.

i guess what i am tryin to say is that there is that someone out there for u u jsut dont need to look that hard bc that person could be right there and you not even knwo it
but it will work out for you

[weasel]

maybe act like your in charge of the situation, if you act like your in charge/control you will be treated like it, maybe you just need a quick change in mentality and i know this is easier said than done