Life in general

[Yariome]

Here recently life has been a little more rough for me. I grew up being completely independent because of where I lived, and I may have had it bad compared to a lot of people, but I don't really care, I made the best of it, and life sucks you get over it.

My problem is I finally moved back with my parents about 4 years ago after living with my aunt in Harlem, NY for 8 years, and ever since I have life hasn't felt the same. One obviously I lost a lot of my old good friends to jail, or death, but beyond that, I was just not nearly as happy as I used to be. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years next week, everything has been pretty good in that department, has the usual relationship problems that most have, but we still love each other and still really enjoy each others company.

To the point, I havn't had a job in close to 6 months, because i've had no so good luck with the job world. The economy has shorted jobs severely to those that don't have some kind of special trade skill. I have a HS diploma, but no college, because every school I Tried to get into, I couldn't afford or could not get into because of where I grew up. I was turned down a lot for that.

My real problem is, life has just not been what it used to be.. I feel like I don't belong in a world like this, lots of things havn't been going the way I want them to. Which I understand, is fine, and IS fine with me, it's just bugging me that I don't know how to get out of this funk. I still am trying to get a job, obviously, but I haven't had what I desired in awhile.

I want to be able to support my girlfriend, yes I gladly support her if she wants a job, but i'm the kind of guy that I want to be able to have my girl decide if she wants a job or not, as LONG as she treats me right, and does stuff around the house. Of course that's their choice, but I still want to be able to support if it came to that.

Life at home isn't that great, I still am living at home, when I really am looking into ways of getting out.

Overall I just want to know if anyone has any ideas of how to get someone out of funk. I don't have any hobbies to get my mind off of things which sucks, I exercise and I do look pretty good, at least good enough to get me by. But I can't find a way to get out of this funk, to make me feel like life is to short to be upset like I used to be. I feel like I don't have the idea of "live life to the fullest" set in mind anymore and it really bugs me.

[sera300]

Yar:

Where abouts do you live? General area? What do YOU WANT do try?

Doll, living in NYC where you did IS a rough life---I worked Bel. Hospital in NYC. Mainly in when I wanted Trauma experience. What I viewed was a Gang bangers, etc....

So, the next logical question is; What do you wish to pursue? And what vicinity are you in? And then, are you of any specific ethnic orientation? Why? Some Colleges target individuals based on that challenge they have to meet a certain admission requirement for those where down & out or offer scholarships based ethnic race...In some areas a mostly Black college will allow a scholarship if Hispanic or Caucasian and visa verse--this is an extreme example. However, this is a Federal reg if they receive federal/state funding.

Then there are some private 4 year colleges (non-Ivy League) which offer scholarships based on need...these DO NOT have to be publicly announced since the donors wish to be anonymous...if you were in NYS...I could help you find some. I have some substantial ties to colleges locally & regionally. Hence, the reason I am grilling you & not trying to be nosey.

PS...take up walking for now...unless you are on the ski slopes of Colorado!

[sera300]

Additionally: Have you scanned the local governments website to see what openings or tests are available??? Why??? If you just begin as a clerk in the Motor Vehicle Department, they cover education & have good benefits for health care. Or something like a dispatcher for Emergency Medical Services? All are Civil service;however, allow you to get you foot in the door.

[Yariome]

I live in Kansas City, Missouri now, right smack in the middle of the US. I am a white male, with great ACT scores, I got a 29 out of a possible 36. Yet, every college I have applied to only sees where I grew up, and my criminal background, not major and I Didn't kill anyone obviously, but it's been screwing me.

I exercise pretty regularly so walking would be a down step to my 5 mile a day run. I really wish I did have a hobby, but everything I used to do involved drugs, drinking, and sex. I have a steady relationship I love, so I can't/won't do the adventurous sex; I refuse to go back to drugs and drinking because of all the stupid stuff I used to perform while not sober.

And no, I havn't checked into any government jobs in that aspect, I actually AM attempting to get in with the US Postal Service but I won't know any results on that for at least six months.

And to be honest, yes I was a white boy growing up in a black community filled with gang violence, if anything it made me better as a person so I regret nothing. Nor do I consider it all that bad of a life because of my loving Aunt may she rest in peace.

I just don't feel like I belong in a life like this, I also used to box, I LOVE to fight but cannot do it anymore due to a parole violation, as well as a permanent scarring in my right hamstring messing up the flexibility I used to for my love of fighting.

I'm mostly looking for a way to feel like everything will be ok in the end, I am very happy in my relationship so I have hopes for that, but as of right now overall life I don't have the confidence I used to and it really bothers me.

[sera300]

Okay so you have screwed up. Have you spoke with a Probation Officer where you are? Have you thought about working in the Division for Youth? Or in a private rehab facility? They do look for people with your background. And its a great way to enter a career and get into a college. First, I would seek A Prob. Officer. and talk to them off the record.

Next, look for civil service...look for a position & do not attempt to lie about your background at all...if you lie it will haunt you for life.

Hobby? How about working out at the local YMCA and getting into training with weights? And teaching on the side as a beginning personal trainer?

I worked in the City; and it's tough since many a forced into a lifestyle. Uhmmm, now not all gang bangers were to fear. I learned that fast in the City...it's the "fake ones" up here which try to play a part. Many are just trying to find a place to fit in to life & seek a family-like environment.

Kansas? Do you have any Colleges around you which are "Private" Colleges? Meaning not owned by the State such as State Universities? Any work/study programs?

What about local animal shelters or vet offices? Good with animals? What people look for is you are looking & willing to turn your life around. Look for these...

Also, look at Civil Service. So what you begin as a clerk at the Motor Vehicle Department. Many work up...

[Yariome]

Hmm, sounds pretty interesting, I will have to give some of these a try definitely. I actually did have a position as a personal manager for youth league boxing but I got fired because of a parole violation during that period in my life.

And yes, I love the wannabe thugs there are in the world, I don't claim to be tough, i've never shot a person, nor do I care if anyone is afraid of me. Although this is as well what got me in trouble one too many times, some fool ass person trying to be tough and me teaching them differently :/ I don't take too kindly to those that fake stuff like that.

As for speaking with a parole officer i'm not sure what you mean by talking with them. About what, do you mean talking about them of what kind of paths I could take with a person of my background?

Thank you for much for helping me and making these suggestions, these will hopefully guide me into a career path that I enjoy. Which was a big problem that i'm suffering from, I suppose now I just need to find something to take up my time.

I really do appreciate talking to me, I guess I have gotten advise from a lot of people, but I never took them too literal because they don't truly comprehend much if not anything of what I Speak of in the past.

[sera300]

I know what your talking about. Go to your parole officer or if off parole...make an appointment to talk to one about careers and how to break into the system.

Use what you have learned (positive & negative) to help guide you in the future. Even seek/enlist a local minister to help sponsor you. Use what you learned the hard way to guide others away from the system.

Also, you can speak with a local cop who works in Juve. Look for someone slightly older who will be serious in getting you into a position.

Private security companies also seek individuals with your backgrounds...they employ you to show them how to deter future crime.

Once in a job, no matter how minimal it may be or appear...seek then to get into a college fast.

Management is a tough track...if you want a hobby look at the local YMCA, Church (you don't have to be affiliated), and see if they have a basketball/baseball team or something of interest. Some even offer woodworking or electrical interests...

You can ask anytime!

[Yariome]

I'll try that all out, I mean i'm only twenty so if it fails I know I have lots of time to still make something of life, it's just been rather rough finding the confidence I used to have.

[sera300]

Also Yar:

Use the depths of the bad which you know, criminal stuff, drugs, etc. to your advantage...

In the city? Made it to the train with help of many who "looked after" a nurse which maybe took care of them or helped them out of a bad situation. Up here? Different. They play...not even close to where you were--people up here accidentally shoot their friends trying to be tough...a good friend of mine, also from a VERY predominant family, was hung out and did time for something he vaguely did...he was hung b/c of the family's name.

I have been around the pits as well...helped many. At times it was just saving their lives..."loyalty" was something I never forgot found among those most would never communicate with...sometimes it was just feeding someone who had no means for food on a table; don't help? and then they are selling or hooking...many are good decent people who fell into a "trapped life" seeking something they did not have in life.

[Yariome]

True enough, I will defiantly give your suggestions an attempt.