Figuring My Life Out...

[oedipussy]

I guess this would be a continuation of my old thread...

I've just come to the crushing realization that I have absolutely nothing in my life. No place to live, no friends, no direction, no skills, nothing. For some reason I don't decide that I want something until I've already ruined it. I intentionally shut people out so they can't get close to me. And I have a severe problem of purposely doing the wrong thing - I actually identify what the right thing to do would be, and then I do the exact opposite. Case in point - I was friends with an absolutely wonderful girl but I didn't realize what I had and made some pretty bad calls. It wasn't entirely my fault, but I definitely had a lot to do with it. I gave up everything I had and moved out of my apartment (which I had planned to do anyway) hoping to fix things and when all was said and done I ended up with a lot less than what I started with. The only thing we really ever had in common was that we were both single, but now that's over. I wish that it wasn't - in my current drunken state I seriously considered trying to contact her even though I know better. I just don't want things to be like this anymore and even though I had accepted that our friendship was over I guess I was holding on to the hope that maybe there was a small chance that it wouldn't be. I've never really been dependant on people, but now I've found myself in a situation where I have nowhere to go and no one to go to... I'm too old to start going to college, so that's out. How the hell do I get out of this?

Sorry to be a crybaby, but this really sucks...

[sera300]

Originally Posted by oedipussy

I guess this would be a continuation of my old thread...

I've just come to the crushing realization that I have absolutely nothing in my life. No place to live, no friends, no direction, no skills, nothing. For some reason I don't decide that I want something until I've already ruined it. I intentionally shut people out so they can't get close to me. And I have a severe problem of purposely doing the wrong thing - I actually identify what the right thing to do would be, and then I do the exact opposite. Case in point - I was friends with an absolutely wonderful girl but I didn't realize what I had and made some pretty bad calls. It wasn't entirely my fault, but I definitely had a lot to do with it. I gave up everything I had and moved out of my apartment (which I had planned to do anyway) hoping to fix things and when all was said and done I ended up with a lot less than what I started with. The only thing we really ever had in common was that we were both single, but now that's over. I wish that it wasn't - in my current drunken state I seriously considered trying to contact her even though I know better. I just don't want things to be like this anymore and even though I had accepted that our friendship was over I guess I was holding on to the hope that maybe there was a small chance that it wouldn't be. I've never really been dependant on people, but now I've found myself in a situation where I have nowhere to go and no one to go to... I'm too old to start going to college, so that's out. How the hell do I get out of this?

Sorry to be a crybaby, but this really sucks...

Remember I said your sitting on the fence?? Have to decide which part you want, kid or adult. Yes, you can go to college..."Adult continuing education" obtain a degree, get a job where you sue a skill or learn one, work hard, reside? Where ever you must, find room mates...or return home for a bit....while you are in college...pay your parents a small rent and do work around the house to help...get a sense of ownership. You will make friends, you just identified way you do not....let some barriers down....you have here.

[oedipussy]

Well, I guess the bigger problem would be that I don't know what I want to do. And when I say I have no place to live, I'm not just talking about my own place - I mean along the lines of having no city to go to. And I wouldn't be able to stand living with my parents - I did that for 18 years, I preferred having my own place. I don't know about college - I'm not sure I would even want to go for anything other than the social atmosphere and everyone my age would be graduating so I'd be that loser frat guy you see in the movies that's 5 years older than everybody else. I had a brief stint at a community college and got bored with it. Maybe this is just something that I have to figure out on my own...

It's not like I'm antisocial. I have no problem talking to people and having fun with complete strangers. I just no longer have anything that's deeper than that... Apparently I'm a masochist when it comes to relationships. I guess the thing is that now I have to start from scratch and I have no idea where to even start.

[constantlylearning]

First, let me tell you that you are not the first person who has gone through this
process. I am approached often by people starting out in business and they
ask how I did this or that. So, you are not alone in your quest for direction.
I would think that establishing what it is that you enjoy doing (in a work related
field) is a natural first step. Once you figure that out you can set a
course action on how to get there. In other words, what training or education is
required to reach your desired field. I once knew a wildly successful person
who by society's standards had it all (wealth, status, prestige etc) but they
weren't content. So, later in life they gave their position up to HELP people
and have gained more personally than they ever did monetarily in business.

[dancingdoc2]

The first thing I detect is a "woe is me" attitude. The second thing is in not understanding that attaining a higher education is not about partying and that people of all ages go to college. You may very well find that you can make friends with people both older and younger than you, if you open yourself up to being "available".

As for schooling, there are trade schools that you can attend as well as many types of colleges. There are the traditional campuses, business schools, and online institutions. Check them out. You do not necessarily need to have a career picked out when you begin. The first two years of most schools have general education classes that get the basics out of the way before needing to pick a Major. And, so what if you get into year three and four and still do not have an identified passion? Get a general education because employers are looking for people who have a degree as it demonstrates the ability to do research, problem solve, and a certain "can do" stick-toativeness, not to mention that they are self starters. Many people are working in jobs that they were not specifically trained for in college.

As for the age thing, well, this is just myopic self pity IMHO. A lot of military people are in the service in order to acquire the means to go to college when they get out. If they go in for four years at 18 or 19 or even 20, they are going to be older than most when they begin. So what? People your age are going to be on campus and what grade year they are in does not have the same social and maturity impact that it did in high school.

What of the people who are in school for a long period of time or who after a few years of living life decide to attend college for the first time while in their 30's, 40's or late 20s? Some people return to college later in life to pursue advanced degrees after having graduated in step with other kids going right after high school. What about people who take longer than four years? Not everybody graduates in four years because of jobs, family, funding, or simply because classes are harder and it takes them more time and effort. They all pick up friends along the way, not all being the same age or grade level.

If you want to turn your life around, then you have to begin by adopting a "can do" attitude, "damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead", as well as making the conscious and concerted effort to go with the decisions and choices you know are right. In other words, grow up.

The sooner you begin acting like an adult and taking responsibility for your life, the sooner you will become more desirable and attractive to other people. If you continue to know the difference between a good and a bad decision yet opt to go with the easiest or worst, then your relationships will be short ones as women discover your limitations and short comings rather than your possibilities and achievements.

> And when I say I have no place to live, I'm not just talking about my own place - I mean along the lines of having no city to go to.

What about the Pilgrims?
What about Pioneers involved in the Western Expansion?
What about immigrants passing through Angle and Ellis Islands with only the clothes on their backs?
Shall I go on?

Many Americans have made it with little more than a wish and a healthy work ethic. Go find yours.

[sera300]

Find place where you can work, low cost of living...and a college where they have Adult ed (Bachelor's or Master's degrees)...these are courses meant for adults who have jobs & lives...hello???? How do you think I did it? Half on campus and had to finish my thesis online...no one paid my bills...I did. Guess what???the doors opened! You do not get into the frat stuff....work day, courses at night....plenty of nice people to meet...which are our age and older. Oldest student was 70 which graduated w/me. And yes, scholarships are available for those people...


PS...I was so bored writing the "thesis" at times; I would log on here and read & post....see why I have so many posts???? This was a distraction from pages of research materials!

[constantlylearning]

Sera is exactly right. There are a multitude of avenues you can follow. It is
really never too late to change directions. I do not know anything about
student loans or grants but I know they are available so investigate those
options. Long and short, if you want something FIND A WAY.....Hard work and
determination will carry you far. Good Luck....

[HardNgood]

I totally agree with Doc and Sera and CL here...the woe me thing seems to be YOUR CHOICE...life is all about CHOICES..go do some volunteering with even less unfortunates than you...go do a visit to a hospital for sick kids or a cancer ward, or a ward with accident victims recuperating, volunteer an hour or two a week at those places..you'll see in short time how well off you are physically...from there, you might be able to gain some enlightenment...it's not that easy sometimes...I often wonder why we weren't given an owners manual when we were brought into this world!! LOL

[oedipussy]

Damn, guys... I posted this literally 2 hours after I came to this realization. Of course I felt bad about it. I'm the last person to just give up and feel sorry for myself, but yeah, I am kind of sad about it all. Sorry. I know I don't have it as bad as some people, but I feel like I'm going through something of a midlife crisis.

Thanks for the advice so far - I just need to take the time to actually THINK about what I want to do. Which isn't one of my strengths. As far as the college and career things go, yeah, I can do it. I know that it's up to me to figure out where I should go and what I should do - the thing I need help with is how to overcome my committment problems. I've never held on to the same job for more than 3 months - After I figure out what I'm doing I get bored and quit so I can do something else. I've up and moved to 3 different cities in the course of 3 years. I took one whole class in community college for 2 days a week and skipped out on about half of them. I'm just not very goal-oriented. And when it comes to relationships I feel like I'm being held hostage and intentionally try to ruin them.

I guess I was hoping more for advice on why I'm such a closed-off bastard and how to overcome it...

[Browser]

My advice: don't even think about it. Find a profession, field, or trade you enjoy and just do it.