New member... confused

[jennrose4391]

Well, i have a boyfriend who treats me very well. we started off as best friends and he's always been kind of a brother to me. well we have been dating for a year and a half. at first we never stopped having sex but now whenever we do, if we do, i break down and start to cry. i don't know what happens but it is as if my mind says no and then my body follows... what do i do?

[sera300]

Crying out of sheer delight? Or sheer horror?

[Brandye]

Figure out whether or not you two are meant for each other. Long discussion. Perhaps with help.

[jennrose4391]

absolute horror but i do love him

[Chino]

I would agree with Brandye that it is a long discussion (I strongly suggest with help) and there isn't an answer on here. However, I do not think IN ANY WAY that the discussion should revolve around whether or not you and your man should be together. I would wager a lot of money that that this not the root of the issue and it is really something from your childhood. It is a common misconception that all sexual difficulties stem from some sort of sexual abuse, but it could be anything (including sexual abuse). My wife and I have struggled with this for years. We started off VERY strong for the first year or so, but now every time we try to be sexual...she disengages and can be quite mean. Turns out that at the heart of all of this is something that has nothing to do with me or sex...thats just how it manifests itself.

What I'm describing is similar to someone who feels out of control and ends up becoming anorexic. This doesn't always happen because they have a poor self image, rather their food intake was a very easy thing to focus control upon...and it leads to an eating disorder.

Again, I would seek a professional opinion - and most likely on your own first. Inability to control crying prior to sexual activity sounds to me like something that will definitely need to be worked through. Hope this helps and I hope your boyfriend hangs in there with you. Just makes sure and remember that as you work through this...it is VERY hard on him as well.

[sera300]

I agree...if you are getting this upset you need to find out why, I suggest talking to your boyfriend & do some serious soul-searching yourself. If that does not help, really talk w/a counselor to get to the root of the issue.

[jojo1963]

Is there a friend you can talk to or maybe your doctor?You need to do some serious soul searching as you stated he was like your brother have a frank discussion with him and explain your feelings.

[Newtolove]

well he is always another person I can understand you two being very close as friends prior to getting together and frankly I think it should be so whats the point in splitting people between friends and potential mates ? you get to know him first as a friend and gradually get closer until you both decide to be exclusive relationship wise and become bf and gf.

if you thinking it is so great it can't possibly be so well if we all think that of all the good things we have in life no one will ever be happy, unless there is an issue between you and him thats so far from your posting there doesn't seem to be there should not be a problem and if there is well talk with him and possibly get help, there's no shame in having sex though if you both consent to it. I think the answer you will find within yourself and perhaps with some help