When to turn fantasy into reality!

[tedstart]

I just wanted to get some reactions to something that I am facing. My boyfriend has a fanatsy that he wants to make a reality, of watching me have sex with another man. While the idea is appealing, I have some concerns and reservations. First let me say that we have been together for two years and have not, as of yet, had sex (his choice).Also let me mention that I while I am not a virgin, I have not had many sexual partners and often feel insecure when it comes to bedroom things. Like I said earlier the idea, in theory is apppealing but I'm not sure that I would be okay with having sex with another man when my boyfriend and I haven't. I have discussed some of my reservations with my boyfriend and he is understanding, but I was wondering what other people might think of the situation. When does one make a fantasy a reality?

[eldiablo_si]

I see problems in your future if you go through with that... Just my humble opinion. I think you might be wanting to have sex with anyone at this point and that is why it is appealing. Fantasies as far out as that rarely work out so well. If you just want sex, leave your boyfriend and do it. If you want to keep a good thing going, then do just that, but without having sex with another man in front of your man (nor any other time for that matter).

[sera300]

Do you not think it's different that he has not had sex w/you; however, wants another man to? A fantasy is one thing but to make it reality seems just too odd to me. I think the situation would be different if you had been sexually active together and were now open to various experiences. There are many threads on this site about similar situations, but they are people who have had sex together already.

It's been his choice not to have sex w/you for whatever reason, so I'd question his motives on this...just my opinion. Something just does not seem right about it...

[Brandye]

Sera is quite right. He does not want sex enough to follow through but he wants to watch you take on someone else. Why not just take on someone else and keep going.

[tedstart]

I agree with you Eldiablo, that the reason it may be appealing is because it would be sex, something that I'm not getting from my boyfriend. I know it isn't the only reason but it does play a part.

As for what you mentioned Sera300, that it seemed odd that he would want to see me have sex with someone else but not have sex with me himself, well again I have to agree. I've tried questioning him about it. He feels like I should have the opportunity because he thinks it's something I want,something that I'm missing out on, even though he doesn't want to have sex with me(for religious reasons) I've tried to tell him that it isn't just the act that I'm looking for. I want it to be with him and not someone else.

[eldiablo_si]

It sounds like you are a very rational person. Now knowing that he won't have sex with you for religious reasons makes a lot more sense... Sadly enough, there is not going to be anything that you can do to sway him one way or another, unless he really isn't against sex and is just playing hard to get (which I doubt since he offered for you to have sex with another man). Now you have some decisions to make (none of which should include having sex with another man WHILE still in the relationship). I would say you can either a) respect your man's wishes and wait for him if you truly love him or b) cut your losses, realize that you have your needs too, and move on

[sera300]

Tedstart:

If he objects to having sex with you for religious reasons; what does it say about him morally for asking you to have sex w/another man to fulfill his fantasy? It seems to blur the lines of rational and morals...

I think if he is really serious, I'd be looking for a man who has some more respect for me. If he has a sexual fantasy, perhaps he should act it out and perform it himself before asking the one he loves to do it for his pleasure. His interests are a dichotomy.

As I said it would be very different if you were in a sexual relationship w/him & this was something you wanted to do as an experience...

[Old Kid]

Originally Posted by sera300

Tedstart:

If he objects to having sex with you for religious reasons; what does it say about him morally for asking you to have sex w/another man to fulfill his fantasy? It seems to blur the lines of rational and morals...

...

Yeah, I'd like to know what religion he is practiceing??