hurt and confusion

[mormegil]

hi ive just split up with my girlfriend. she told me that she needed time to think and that it wasnt me it was her. are these just the usual cliches to make me feel better or do women sometimes mean it? i laughed when she said it was not me it was her cause its been said so many times before (not to me but in general). also we were gonna meet and talk things over but she told me she couldnt face it at the last minute.
she says she wants to be friends and we talk and stuff and its not awkward but then the other day she was taking her break at the same time and we talked with other people around and she text me and i replied and she said "ok sexy" and i didnt know what to reply and she sent me another one asking why i didnt send kisses on the end of my texts anymore. i text back saying cause she wanted to be friends i didnt want her to think that i still wanted her. she text back saying but you do. i didnt reply i just told her that she knew i did and changed the subject. later on she blew me a kiss. and when i finished told me she didnt want me to go and that i had to stay and talk to her.
a couple of days later she finished work before me and came to see me cause i was really stressed out. she made a bad joke about me getting with someone else (who i spend my lunch breaks with and my ex thinks she wants me and gives her evils) so i walked off she grabbed my arm and told me she was only joking but it hurt me for her to say it. she said fine keep walking then so i did and she said no wait and came back to me and apologised.

does she really need time to think? why does she keep touching me? is she confused as to whether she wants me or is she just messing around? should i tell her it hurts me when she does these things?

[dancingdoc2]

Her behavior is not uncommon among a few young and immature girls. Part of her response for needing time to thing is probably true. The rest of her actions tend to indicate a mixture of a lack of self confidence, control issues, jealosy, to name the most common. She is learning to understand, manage, and, balance these new emotions and this takes time and practice.

I have an old sex manual from the sixties that states a woman likes knowing where she stands and desires a man who leads. In this regard the relationship is not unlike a dog on a leash. The dog tugs at the leash and when it won't give, learns the boundary and learns to be content walking within the range of the leash. The metaphor is not unlike a couple's relationship in which the man guides it in cooperation with his partner and the woman learns to be comfortable and to have confidence and trust in his leadership and to feel secure within the bounds of the relaltionship. She seems to be testing your limits in order to learn where your boundaries are for her in this relationship so that she can feel secure in it.

I think you need to define the relationship and what is and is not acceptable and what you will do to guide and protect her in it. Once she knows what the boundaries are, she will back off and be very confident with you and your leadership and not be so testy. At least this is the way it is supposed to work as she searches for a protecter and gauges your ability and willingness to do so.

[mormegil]

you say that she needs time to think could be a sign of immaturity. she is and has herself admitted to being immature she is older than me (im 19 shes 20) but is not as mature as me. however in relationship terms she was in a 3 year relationship with someone and i have never had anything last anywhere near as long. so shouldnt she be more sure of things in that respect?
you say i need to lead and set boundaries, but as she dumped me should i give her time to work out what she wants and see if she comes back to me (as she knows i still want her back) or should i flirt and make it clear i still want her? should i make the first move?

[Old Kid]

She wants time to think. Think about what? Tell her to go ahead & think but in the meantime you're gonna be busy so stop with the teaseing already. Tease, Seduce Reject. Some women get off on it. Trust me, it will only torture you and the longer you're with or around her, the worse it will be to separate. My guess is that if you did tell her to get lost she would be beating on your door within 24hrs. Unfortunately, relationships formed on this type of gameplaying don't last cause someone usually ends up geting bored with it. No psycological basis, just my opinion from experiance & observation.