need advise

[ORANGE]

I have not seen dad for over many years now. Last time I spoke with mom she told me that dad is getting older and is changing. Mom is afraid that he will die soon (hate these words heard this all my life ).

Spoke with sis and she told me he is changing, because he is old.

My problem is I know that mom is playing the guilt trip to get me to come and see him .

I am long gone from the house, but how come I still feel so guilty . I hate this feeling of not being in control of my emotion. I already told mom no matter what! I will not see him ever!

How do I push away these emotion ?

thanks

[Brandye]

Go see him.

[stormtrooperdude]

A little background info please.

Why don't you want to see your father?

[champloo]

i think he said that his dad had him surgicaly shorten his penis, which changed that forever for the bad.

and something else, i dont remember 100%.

either go see him, or do what i did when my dad died 6-7 weeks ago.

dont go. or, go but dont say anything to him. or, if you go, say hi to all the family, go rent a hotel room, and then stay in it for a few days and go home.

you could go, and then when you go dont look at him or say one word to him.

[WallyLlama]

Lots of unknowns... including:

What does Dad want? (Although it also sounds like that's not a consideration.)

Interesting, though: what Mom and Sis want isn't a consideration either?

Here's the deal... it sounds like (based on the "gossip" on the thread) that you feel wronged by him.

What he did and why he did it is of no consequence in the final analysis.

What matters is this: I doubt he conciously and intentionally intended or intends to make you bitter and angry for the rest of your life. He's not continually wronging you, he's not controlling your thoughts and feelings; you are victimizing yourself now.

The "problem" may be that you keep changing the punishment. Is the punishment that you can't/won't see him...? Or is the punishment the guilt you feel over the first decision?

See, the reason you hate feeling that you have no control over your emotion is that you don't have it. You've given that control to him.

Maybe it's time to take it back.

[sexy_angel]

i think u should go see him coz if as you say you are feeling guilt now...if he had to pass away before you get to see him you will probably feel more guilt.... and then it will be too late and there will be nothing you can do about it and you're stuck with the guilt all your life