The Truth About Men's Rules

[finewine]

In reply to Men's Rules,

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Men, learn how to not miss the toilet and we might not be so adamant about you putting the toilet seat down. Here are some rubber gloves to clean it.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!
Practice make perfect... you need practice.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
When you want your meal hot and on time and your clothes washed and we are out with our friends, live with it...

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Thursday- Saturdays = Sales in the stores. It's like the sunrise and the vastness of the universe.. Enjoy your sports and hand over your wallet for penitence for Sundays.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
Stop trying to cover that bald spot with the last remnant of your hair. Go bald and be sexy.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Just listen!!!!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!
We don't remember when to get the oil changed on a car....Period!!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
We try to teach you, to no avail, how to coordinate you clothes so you won't keep asking us which of your 40 ties should you wear with which of your 10 suits!

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
So is Why?

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Next time you can't find your keys to your car, call your sports buddies to find them for you.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Staying late at the office for 6 months is a problem. See a divorce lawyer.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
Finish an argument instead of tabling it.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you don't dress like GQ, then don't expect us to act like your porn star fantasies.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!
If you think you are the hot stuff in bed, you probably are not. It is easy to fake an orgasm.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, it is usually because we have a better handle on the situation and you don't have a clue to what's going on.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
Oh get over it, we ogle too, so don't throttle the man when we stare and say mmm, mmm, mmm that's some beefcake studmuffin there.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Why bother telling you how to do something, you can't follow directions anyway and you are right we can get it done much faster. We just ask you to make you feel important.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Good, we agree at least on one thing.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
Christopher Columbus was astute at reading the map of the stars. You do not even know which way is north or south.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
Remember that when you are lonely in bed and we're out with our friends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
So what is a crescent wrench anyway?

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
If the lipstick or hair isn't just right, we'll fix it.. just wait.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
It doesn't take a mind reader to take out the trash, pick up his clothes, or put away his tools.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
When we ask how was your day and you say "fine" we will act like you had a good day. We know you are lying. We will want to know all about it and interrogate you to get you to talk about it.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
If you ask for our opinion but have made up your mind already, don't ask.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
We ask what you are thinking because we want to get intimate and have sex with you in the back of that monster truck... honestly, are you so clueless?

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
Foreign films are best left on for noise when there is hanky panky going on behind closed doors next to the children's room. Really, you are clueless, aren't you.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
To tell you about the expensive item we got cheap at the sale is as exciting to us as watching the major sport event of the year on Sunday is to you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.
Thank you for reading this; you take the bed, I'm going over to my girlfriend's house and we are going to party.

[LittleFury]

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
Stop trying to cover that bald spot with the last remnant of your hair. Go bald and be sexy.
Quit grabbing my hair and yelling "Yah mule, Yah" and I mgiht consider leaving it long

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Just listen!!!!
Amen sister

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!
We don't remember when to get the oil changed on a car....Period!!!
LEarn how to use a calendar

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
We try to teach you, to no avail, how to coordinate you clothes so you won't keep asking us which of your 40 ties should you wear with which of your 10 suits!
Most women need only one toolkit. What makes you think you'd be a better handy men if you had 10 hammers and 20 screwdrivers?



A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Staying late at the office for 6 months is a problem. See a divorce lawyer.
See a sex coach and train your tongue, them maybe I'll see that doctor



If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you don't dress like GQ, then don't expect us to act like your porn star fantasies.
So pay attention then I do wear it, or even pick something up yourself, just look at the wishlist we sent you about a million times.



Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
Oh get over it, we ogle too, so don't throttle the man when we stare and say mmm, mmm, mmm that's some beefcake studmuffin there.
Then don't throttle a man that oogles us, as you said, it's genetic, he can't help it



If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
If the lipstick or hair isn't just right, we'll fix it.. just wait.
And next time it is an allergic reaction, maybe let me put that damn lotion on you so you don't spend entire time scrathing it


Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
We ask what you are thinking because we want to get intimate and have sex with you in the back of that monster truck... honestly, are you so clueless?
Or it could be we ask you what you are thinking because you either look like a zombie or got that damn pained expression on your face


BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
To tell you about the expensive item we got cheap at the sale is as exciting to us as watching the major sport event of the year on Sunday is to you.
Then learn what beers are good and don't drink something you would sneak as a teenager, then we might find it as exciting as you do

Just a few additions. And I think my guy will be sleeping on the couch tonight

[moose_hd]

Argh, this list (the original and the responses) reinforce too many stereotypes, even if they are supposed to be humor ... typical men bother me for the same reasons they bother women.