There are many questions here about “fingering,” “rubbing.” etc, when playing with girlfriends’ genitals. Perhaps both men and women here would be interested in some facts regarding what is euphemistically called “female sexual response.” There are chapters and sites that describe total response in great detail – mask on the face, blushing on upper chest, nipple erection, myotonia (muscle tensing) and so on. These things are all real but differ greatly among women. Here is a description of what is going on in your (her) genitals.
Firstly, the action is not inside the vagina. There are no nerve endings in there or childbirth would be excruciating. What is felt is pressure on the vulva, the labia and, even, some internal organs. “Feeling him come,” is accurate but not the way we think it is. We do not feel the ejaculate squirting into us; what we feel, sometimes, is the throbbing of the penis against our outer parts. This does not mean that we do not have a sense of “depth” but it is from other responses than feeling the penis in the sheath we provide.
But, you ask, “What about the G Spot?” The G Spot is not medically documented. OK, I know I have one but it eludes complete medical explanation. Probably the best explanation, scientifically, is that there is a ligament running behind where we describe the G Spot. This is being pushed around, gently, and causing response, including moving the urethra and, even, the hood of the clitoris. The G Spot is one of those elusive things that is as much faith as science. It takes regular partners a while to make it really work.
So, let’s forget about physically pleasing women with fingers stimulating her vagina. A quarter inch does as much as three inches penetration. The pleasant feelings are on the labia, not inside. The clitoris is the focus. And you men will be amazed to know that we often feel assaulted on this little protuberance rather than stimulated. She includes all the nerve endings that the penis has scrunched into a really small bundle.
Now, what is happening with all this stuff as we become stimulated. The labia become engorged with blood. This causes opening or spreading of the vulva. “Opening like a flower,” is a beautiful description. Everything that becomes exposed is usually neatly closed within and protected from stimulation. Unlike the penis which is battered by pants seams and other external jolts all day, our stuff is bundled up, hidden away and protected from external stimulus. So, when exposed this a very sensitive area with all the now shiny and damp surfaces picking up every touch and movement. The engorgement of the area makes it even more sensitive because everything feels full and slightly distended. Be gentle.
While the labia spread open they become lubricated and “receptive”. And give access to the clitoris as well as the vaginal opening. Here is the complicated part. The clitoris goes through three distinct phases in arousal. It starts out well hidden and protected under its hood. As the area becomes engorged with blood, the clitoris becomes erect, the same as a penis. At this point, we are all different and care must be taken or the game is over. Some remain covered with just the tip peeping out; some become larger and quite exposed. The part that is exposed is very sensitive and can barely tolerate direct stimulation in many women. As orgasm approaches and the clitoris becomes hyper-sensitive, she actually retracts. She is not losing the erection, but the entire organ is retracted into the body. This is a confusing thing to the unexperienced. The clitoris is at her most sensitive but more pressure and rigorous treatment is needed simply because the clitoris has sought “protection.”
Just as the penis loses erection, at least partially, immediately after ejaculation, the entire genital area of the woman begins to "resolve” after orgasm – the blood is going about its business elsewhere and the distention disappears. The clitoris loses erection, the labia get small and the vulva closes over everything returning to its “natural” state. The entire body relaxes.
This now becomes more personal experience than medical fact because each woman is unique and the way we move through the stages of response may differ greatly from one time to another. Assuming a nice session of hugging, kissing, breast play, and general getting ready, when you reach into my crotch, I spread without thinking. Start with your whole hand covering the entire pubic area. And rub gently and firmly and then take my lead. Maybe I will be in the mood for some finger dipping; maybe not; my movements will tell you because I may not even know what I want next. While the clitoris is erect, do not assault her; a finger on either side moving the hood up and down will probably be enough. When I really arch up, then pressure with a finger can be tolerated and I am looking for more.
While male sexual response is just as complicated, what is wanted is more obvious and easily supplied. Women are confusing to ourselves as well as to men. A hard suck on the head of the penis will bring the same reaction in most men. A firm tongue flick across the clitoris may have unpredictable consequences.
Women have more subtle responses and so tend to be more subtle in our treament of men, leaving them a bit unsatisfied; men are less subtle in their responses and often rush to the wrong things – such as jamming a finger into us or battering the clitoris, leaving us a bit unsatisfied.
Because we are so different, I am certain that many women will add to this and there may be as much dialogue among women as between women and men. There is much to be learned from “masturbating” one another. The responses can be seen; communication can be verbal as well physical. It is great fun, can give great orgasms and no one will get pregnant!