Some of you may have read my post (can't rememebr where it was) about my attempt to have sex on a hillside that was wet with morning dew... my initial attempt at penetration became oral sex briefly (as my footing slipped) and very soon eating bush became eating grass as she stayed at the top of the hill and i slid 8 feet down it.
Initially it was just frustrating, but afterwards I could see the funny side.
Anyone else able to see the funny side of anything that has happened to you? Ever been cought?
Do tell!!
This one happened when I was much younger... but it's still a classic...
I was giving a bf a blow job on the couch (and back then i didn't swallow) when suddenly i heard the garage door opening right as he was cumming in my mouth. since i had no time to grab a kleenex, i spit in the only container i had around, the cup of my half-drank strawberry smootie...
we quickly dressed, and when my mom walked in she saw us sitting *innocently* on the couch...
i was nervously swishing my smootie cup around in my hand when my mom suddenly grabs it and take a BIG gulp...
"what flavor is this?" she said...
"strawberry" i replied as my bf stared at her with his mouth agape...
"tatses okay" she said and walked away...
my bf and i sat in shocked silence til he said: "i suddenly feel very close to your mom."
I was dating this really wonderful woman who was a GRATEFUL DEAD FAN, GRATEFUL DEAD FAN, GRATEFUL DEAD FAN. She was a fan in the original sense of the word -- a fanatic. Every year or so, she would follow THE DEAD on a tour -- going to each and every concert. Naturally, her stereo system was always playing DEAD music. Her apartment was a DEAD shrine with DEAD posters on the walls and even DEAD refrigerator magnets.
One evening we were chatting and happened to talk about Jerry Garcia, the group's leader and one of its guitarists. He is known not to sing at DEAD concerts but she mentioned to me that he did sing "once in a blue moon."
Later that night, we were in bed doing what lovers do. Of course, the stereo was playing in the background. At a certain point, she starts to go "Oh, Ohh, Ohhh." Of course, I think something is about to take place. Then she surprises with the most inappropriate of comments, considering the situation.
"That's Jerry Garcia singing this song," she said.
I couldn't resist and replied:
"And this is Sailorman Jack eating this pussy."
back in highschool my girlfriend and I were going hot and heavey at the local teenage parking spot. When a police officer banged on the door. We raced to get our clothes on. I emerged from the car attempting to button my shirt only to relize that i had my girlfriends shirt on.
Another funny story....
I have this japanese bondage rope and one night my bf had me tied down to the bed with it. He was teasing me like crazy and I was loving every minute of it. Then he pulls out the whip I had brought with me. He moves my legs over to whip my ass. Well I was enjoying it very much so I'm begging for more. Then he ends up hitting exactly on my asshole. I've never felt a pain quite like that. I was screaming and his neighbors probably thought he was killing me. At one point I even overexaggerated and said that I was going to need a doctor. It was very funny at the time but we laugh now when we look back on it.
Nice one!
I just thought of another one. I met my first love becuase she was an exchange student (let's call her Sabbie) with my friend's gf (lets call her Julie).
Julie's parents are very strict and were very protective of their exchange student. No one was allowed upstairs in the house unless they were there. It was a shooting offence.
My friend wanted to be alone with Julie, so i got forced to look after Sabbie. My friend had made her sound like a Russion shot putter (no offence intended if there are any reading this). In fact I fell in love with her that day.
So it was that as first love bloomed, after we had been kissing for a good half hour our logic circuits began to function... well, we are all alone... no one will know if we are upstairs...
Captain Kirk himself could not have beamed us up faster. We found ourselves in her bedroom. She was against the wall and half naked in no time. My hands were boldly going places that apparently no man had gone before. Suddenly she froze. What? I looked around.
Not 30 feet awat was the next door neighbour. On a ladder. Reparinig his roof or something. He had clearly seen us through the window. We threw oursleves to the floor and giggled for a while.
Then we heard the door downstairs. Oops.
Sabbie had to dress quickly and went to distract them. I eventually managed to sneek out without too much of a problem, but i wasn't ever so calm about it all!
I have tons of funny sex stories. If I told them all I'd probably be here all day. lol. Well anyway here are a couple....
I was visiting my bf at his parents' house over New Year's and we were sitting in his room just talking so the door was open. His mom walks in and we had accidentally left our blindfold laying on the floor. Well his mom picks it up and asks us where we got this b/c she had been looking for one of these for his brother. I think my mouth must've just dropped and then we both start laughing and my bf continues to tell her that I had bought it in a porn store and she immediately drops it.
Another time I was visiting my bf at school and we were in his dorm room having some really hot sex and I guess I got a little louder than I thought. A couple days later he calls me and tells me that someone heard us having sex. I thought he meant his neighbors like the guy's rooms right beside his. He told me that no it was a girl that was down the hall sitting in the mod. And not only that she was on the phone and the person on the phone heard us. Well it was actually more me that everyone heard. They even heard me say f*** me harder.
HAHAHHAHAAAAA, i love it thats funny... ill have to think of something thats happend, but ahaha rock on
Fall Ball my date and i were making out in the hotel room we were sharing with another couple (the couple was gone at the time). Her dress was slid down with her breasts hanging out when we hear the key card in the door and she quickly pulls the dress up and sits down on the bed beside me. we're sitting there looking guilty as sin and our drunken roommate asks if we're about to go to bed, totally oblivious to the situation. The date of another guy who walked in with them finally puts together what was going on and suggests they go find one of the many room parties happening.
Another funny thing, not really embarrassing though, while i was visiting my girlfriend over the summer her family had several friends over, visiting and having a few drinks. we were getting bored hanging out with them, so we decided we'd go to her room in the basement to "go to bed". while we were getting busy down there we could hear the conversation upstairs almost clearly.
and a final thing. i always find it awkward facing family members directly after having sex. i'm basically standing across from her dad or something thinking "hi, i f**ked your daughter" while trying not to show any sign anything's odd.
I once was giving my hubby-to-be a blowjob on the side of a mountain and was sitting on a low rock facing him just having fun when all of a sudden he pulls out and just barely gets his pants back up as a group of teenage hikers rounded the corner and came face to face with us. I don't know what they thought but as they moved past us I heard lots of giggling. I was very embarressed but my guy just wanted me to finish the job.
Another time hubby and I were on the living room floor. Trying to be very romantic with blankets, pillows and candles all around us. Well we got sort of carried away in our passion and things got moved around and the next thing we know, hubby is going at it when I smell smoke and look behind me to see our loveseat on fire from one of the candles that had gotten pushed back against it. Needless to say the moment was over at that point.
well this ones not really about sex, and it's actually something my gf and I do when we want to turn each other on. Whenever one of our parents calls us for some ridiculous reason, like my dad wondering if I'm going to make it to my sisters softball game, we grab the other person and start making out while still on the phone. So my dad will be going "So the games down at the park at 7:30..." and I won't be listening because I'm fiercely exploring my gf's mouth with my tongue. I stop to say something like, "yeah, I think we'll make it", then go right back to it. Then, once we hang up, we make out some more, and maybe one thing leads to another and so on... One time, my gf said, "well, once again I'd like to thank you dad for calling for a bull**** reason, and thereby directly contributed to us having sex."
rofl....good idea!
if something like that happens (or if it is happening to someone else) ill act like im listening and say stuff that makes no sense and..
your idea is MUCH better! :D
this may sound out of this world, but honest to god true............i borrowed my uncles jet ski for the day. me and the girl were out riding around when we both got the urge. i knew the area well so i took us to a place i knew no one would be. we stripped and were going at it, when a game wardens plane flew over us. in the mad dash to put the clothes on we flipped over. and to make matters worse......a few days later my uncle got a letter in the mail about indecent exposure on the water. they ran the registration numbers and mailed him a ticket. he is awesome, and we had a laugh over it, and he was jealous he had never thought of doing it on the jet ski
nice...
im taking it that your uncle took you having sex on his jet ski in the middle of a lake pretty well eh?
[QUOTE=champloo]nice...
im taking it that your uncle took you having sex on his jet ski in the middle of a lake pretty well eh?[/QUOTE]
Maybe he'd done it too???
my uncle is awesome. we go out together all the time. he is a 45 year old trapped in a 21 year old body. i couldn't ask for a better uncle/friend. his wife would never do it on the jet ski, so i know i was the one to commission it. he was proud!!!
lucky lucky lucky.
my uncle would shoot me. my other one would probably pray with me, and then shoot me.
well not sex but everytime im in my bed with my gf and we make out or kiss i always make her accidentaly hit her head on the wall or the headrest
[QUOTE=badguy1999]well not sex but everytime im in my bed with my gf and we make out or kiss i always make her accidentaly hit her head on the wall or the headrest[/QUOTE]
Dude, that is totally a move that I would make! Or I'd end up with an elbow on her hair, so when she'd try to move her head would snap back... oh sigh...
lol, i know where my girl is at and where im at, at all times.
i never have ended up hitting my girlfriend while im kissing/making out with her.
except once i ran up to her, and accidently kissed her nose :p
situation #2, again 100% true. My "makeout spot" in high school was this old boat landing. No one ever went down there at night, so I figured I was all good. I had just started the act, white butt all in the air when a set of hed lights comes up. Next thing I know I have a spotlight on me. Yes, hello Mr. Cop!!!! He laughs and tells us to put our clothes on and get out of there. What a pervert, he actually stood there ans watched both of us get dressed. So I left that spot. I wanted it bad, so off to #2 spot I go. About 5 miles away. We get to the same spot and bam, the same exact thing happens. This time he is not too thrilled, and demands an explanation....and my explanation was my hand wrapped around my hard dick. He told me that was the most original excuse he had ever heard. Again he watches me and the girl put our clothes on. But this time, he follows me all the way to her house where he makes me drop her off, and then follows me home. I was pissed!!!! He then hands me $100 and tells me he couldn't take my cousins money. Yep, my cousin had put him up to it (they were friends, the cop was off-duty). He told me the free show he recieved was worth it all. I guess I got the best part of it $100 and a hand job with a cop following me on the highway. For some reason, I couldn't get her to give me a BJ on the way home. I promise this is all true!!!!
For those who read my first one, yes, I have the coolest family in the world. Nothing like a group of backwoods rednecks!!!!!
just re-read that, spot 1 and 2 were different. i said same spot in prior post
We broke the matress box once ... The next few weeks sucked on our backs and our chiropractor loved us
my bed has wooden slats that we're ALWAYS knocking out...ive been caught by several family members, but they've never been able to prove it, and sometimes don't even realize.
ROFL
southern guy, that was hillarious! :D :D :D
well i accidentally scratched her clit with my braces or when trying to move elbow her in the face
wow thats really smart man.
lol, be careful with them braces. i bet that hurt.
[QUOTE=badguy1999]well i accidentally scratched her clit with my braces or when trying to move elbow her in the face[/QUOTE]
Cure to what ails you!
My ex whom well never wanted sex.... Anyways on Feb 14, 2005, at a 8am in the morning a weeday... ok... anwyays my ex worked night shifts and i was in the mood what better time then val day... ya right... (he never ever wanted sex, i had to beg him... ) so anyways we start having sex (which is a lot of work with him) and well lol the neigbors behind us start knocking on our wall... lol I got so embarrassed... I was thinking gee wiz it is val day... this is the first time you ever heard us, trust me I know... we dont have sex... so dont be knocking just join in.. lol is what i was thinking... so we go to sleep without finishing... we get up and our freaking neighbors went to the apt manager and complained and they put a NOTE on our door asking us to please move our furnature from the wall and to keep it quite... I was so madd and embarressed....
You have to just know that you interrupted an argument they were having on V-day (which was making it clear to them both that they weren't going to get any), and made them jealous. So they decided that if they weren't going to get any, nobody was... LOL
lol good point batman527 lol
i don't know about how funny...but i laugh about it now...
one of my previous flatmates walked in on my ex and i being well at it...the living room door in our flat was directly opposite the front door, so when she walked in we didn't even have time to readjust ourselves. after that she spent about a week cleaning our living room (we did use blankets! you know)
ROFL
lol, that is pretty funny :D
no more stories ? this is a great thread should be made a sticky
No funny stories at the moment ... but just wanted to say that laughing during sex is one of my favorite things! :D