Okay, I had this discussion with my boyfriend, and weve been together for a pretty long time now. He said that our sex is ok, but that there is room for improvement. When I asked what needed improvement, he kept making comments referring to me as "frigid" or "not confident," yet the thing is I really dont feel this way at all. I've been extremely open to experimentation, with only one thing I can think of out of all things hes suggested that I didnt feel comfortable with. I also don't have any qualms about my body, so I dont think this lack of confidence he brings up has anything to do with that. We've been getting kinkier lately also, and I've been encouraging it. This isn't the first time he's brought this up, so I'm basically really starting to wonder wtf?
After thinking about it for a while, I've considered the length of time we've been together to be a factor. Perhaps the things we have been doing aren't enough. But I'm really reaching the point where there aren't many sex acts left, and the only way to spice things up is to do things differently. I'm sure that many people reach this point in a relationship. The lack of new things was something he brought up, so perhaps this could contribute to what I mentioned earlier.
So basically, my questions are...
- Are there any ideas for spicing up the same things in a different light?
- Is it possible for me to not seem self-confident, even though I don't feel that way, or to seem frigid despite openness/encouragement to experimentation?
- If this is possible, are there any suggestions?
I think lingerie is the only thing that may have gotten beaten to death. Not that you can wear it too much, but it hasn't really become a way to add spice to the bedroom anymore, since I really have a lot of it, and all different kinds. In other words, it definitly adds spice, just not a new spice. I'm just looking for ideas to add a twist to things that have been done a lot.
So... before I write a book... any advice?
Thanks a bunch to anyone who replies, I really appreciate it.
Well heres the thing....couples should not run out of things for a good couple of years. I mean I dont know many boyfriend/girlfriends that have been together 3 plus years and have sex alot and dont even feel bored.
I think your boyfriend may have some problems. Stop with all the experimentation, go back to regular sex. And make HIM work for it. You being frigid makes no sense, since you seem to have a fairly high sex drive (from the way you speak) Id start looking at what he is doing wrong in bed.
Sounds like you're not meeting some 'standard' of his and he wants you to change for his benefit.
Honestly I think it's time to move on.
You aren't compatible. If he wasn't happy with you all this time, why would he be happy in the future?
I agree with Ducy, if he wants something new he should make the effort as well. But I'll give you some ideas anyways.
Try one night you're in charge, then one night he's in charge. And I mean this, no touching without the other allowing, no moving, no speaking even. Just let one person totally have your body, maybe even try a blindfold. If you haven't done this before, it can really give you a new experience and new respect for your partner. Theres also roleplaying, having sex in different places, going quicker/slower. Basically, theres tons of stuff to try, but I really think this should be a "team" effort. Perhaps sit down with him and ask him what he really wants.
Sounds as if he wants you to keep him entertained;meanwhile, he has to put no real effort in.
Three items
1, go see the sticky posts entitled The Program and Body Worship
2. www.wickedwomangroup.us
3. get yourself another boyfriend or better yet, get three of them, if nothing else the implied competition will keep them from getting bored and no one would ever call you frigid - not with three bf's! esp if you imply that they can barely keep up with your demands upon them.
In other words - CHANGE the ATTITUDE and STOP being so damn NICE to him.
Yeah, I understand what you guys are saying, it's just that aside from this our relationship is really good, which is pretty much why i'm taking his feelings into consideration so much. This isn't something we've been arguing about or anything that has become the focal point of a problem between us, but it is something that he brings up more than once. It just sucks because every time I try to talk to him about what exactly he means, he says that if he tells me it will make things to predictable. I've thought about it a little, and I think from that statement he wants things to be more spontaneous, which I'll even admit that from my point of view it started to lack too. That wasn't something which happened willingly or because of either of us being lazy.. it was more because we just went through a year where both had really crazy schedules that caused the free time we had together to be the same every night. Now that our workloads have literally, just this past week, lightened dramatically, I decided I'm going to try and make some things more unpredictable, since thats the one thing I can really think of that could have caused the sex to lack... and if that doesn't work...??? thanks a bunch with all the advice though guys, i really didnt expect to get so many replies so fast!
So basically, this problem is YOUR fault and YOUR responibility to fix? Sorry, but that makes absolutely no sense AT ALL.
Either this guy is a total jerk, or there's something he's not telling you. Sounds like this is a deeper issue that has absolutely nothing to do with sex...
Maybe you turned him gay lol...dont worry though I turned 2 girls gay haha :p
This guy has watched far too many pornographic movies. "Predictable" - if he keeps playing "guess what I'm thinking" - his sex life will become VERY predictable - as in NONE.
?
You know what? I'm just going to give you a little flash of my honourary 'man card' and give you a spin. A the risk of sounding offensive...
He sounds like a chick.
He doesn't know what he wants enough to actually TELL you. He just wants you to figure it all out by yourself.
You do the work, he just taps his little foot.
Give the little princess the heave ho.
I did not even know that the word frigid was any longer appliea to women. That was a mid-twentieth century term applied to women who did not enjoy sex - mostly a lasting effect of the Victorian era when women were not supposed to like "doing it."
It disappeared from all responsible literature by the 1970s. I guess these myths continue underground forever.
Oh, and your b/f has a problem. Perhaps b/f replacement surgery is indicated.