For all he knows, this is rape. Get out of this relationship! He should not have total control over you, and there needs to be a time when you can say "no" and it means "no."

Yes, there are dom/sub relationships that work great. There are rules to these, though. Doms and subs have their boundaries, and there are always "safewords." A safeword is a word that you can use to signify that you really need something to stop, since "no" doesn't always mean "no" in S&M dynamics. So, say a sub is being whipped and she just can't take it anymore, but she's been screaming "no" the whole time as part of the act. If her safeword is "red" she'll say "red" and the dom will know immediately to stop all action and the session is over, no questions asked.

The thing is, your relationship seems to have no boundaries. As of now, you have enjoyed being forced to do what he has wanted you to, but what happens if you actually don't want to do something? How can you communicate that to him? Will he ever realize that he needs to stop? Maybe, but maybe not, and you don't want to stick around for that.

There is also the factor of emotional abuse. Your boyfriend is being controlling in a pretty creepy way. You might enjoy it right now, but what if you do something to anger him? What will he do? You're right: you do not want him thinking he has total control over you!

If you want to feel forced into things, stick to S&M, where safe, sane, and consensual are the limits. Being forced into things is what the dom knows the sub wants, and everyone is happy and knows what is going on. This can work, abuse cannot.

I pretty much agree with the above assessment; although, I believe there is something to come before and that is your reason for always saying "no", first. I had an uncle who did this to any idea posed to him. Later, after ruminating over the matter he would either hold that position or change his mind and agree. His "no" was just a means of giving him time to think things over or through before committing to a true answer. If this is your tactic, also, then I suggest that instead of giving an automatic response of "no", that you state that you would like to think things over, first.

No one should ever try to force you to do something you don't want to do, and you should never let them get away with it.

Not into S&M myself, but the same should apply there. Whatever two people do together should be by mutual consent.

[QUOTE=SmilingInside;159360]he says it feels like rape when he has to do that...QUOTE]

I think that you make an important point right here- he realizes that what he's doing is wrong but you keep pushing him to behave like that in order to get any gratification. While it's not right that he seems to be in control, you set things up to be like that and you need to assert that this isn't what you want. The good doctor's point about no being your default answer sounded like it may prove helpful. Tell him that you need to consider whether you really want to do a sex act before you answer.

You say that you don't want to take the initiative and give your consent at first, and I get that you probably don't start anything yourself. I believe in egalitarianism, if you think that you shouldn't have to do these things, then I think that you are simply setting yourself up for a rather dysfunctional sex life. You are pushing him to be aggressive and forceful, which I am sure is not doing much for him or you.

My advice to turn this around would be to use the Aristotlean virtue system- try behaving opposite of your natural behavior (saying no and letting your boyfriend force you into sex) and instead try maybe initiating sex yourself.

Good luck and happy humping.

my girl does a similar thing to me she does it to tease me and tries to play hard to get, and she does the "no" thing, but i mean i like it but i don't because im not sure if she actually doesnt want me to do it or if shes just sayin it as part of the thing, and also i hat forcing her to do it. I don't like it it does feel slightly like rape. So i guess i need to think of something to do. Any suggestions?

Yes, set up some house rules so to speak and then employ a safe word.

The safe word should be some obsure word that will not be said in general conversation and when spoken by either of you means that all proceedings STOP immediately. This is a trust issue and when spoken--s t o p.

Implied Consent can also be used in these situations. Normally, it is used by women to set limits and for the not to have to ask every two seconds if he can go further. Implied consent gives consent for one or the other of you to proceed with making out until the other person says "stop" or otherwise takes your hand and stops your progress. So, how is a guy to know when she has extended the limits and will go further? When he gets to the previous limit she will not stop him, so consent is implied that he can go on until he reaches her new limit.

The same thing can be used in this situation of playing hard to get or something else the two of you dream up.

[QUOTE=julz_122;159406]my girl does a similar thing to me she does it to tease me and tries to play hard to get, and she does the "no" thing, but i mean i like it but i don't because im not sure if she actually doesnt want me to do it or if shes just sayin it as part of the thing, and also i hat forcing her to do it. I don't like it it does feel slightly like rape. So i guess i need to think of something to do. Any suggestions?[/QUOTE]

Dancingdoc has a good idea with implied consent. Hopefully, if she really doesn't want to do anything further she will tell you so, and you will respect this boundary.

If you want to know how to not force her, just do not force her into anything. If she wants it to be a game, I think she'll let you know that she is enjoying the activity. If you don't force or pressure her but she wants to do more, she will let you know this too.

So, just stop putting force on her, and see how she responds.

[QUOTE]my girl does a similar thing to me she does it to tease me and tries to play hard to get, and she does the "no" thing, but i mean i like it but i don't because im not sure if she actually doesnt want me to do it or if shes just sayin it as part of the thing, and also i hat forcing her to do it. I don't like it it does feel slightly like rape. So i guess i need to think of something to do. Any suggestions?[/QUOTE]

next time she says no just say. 'ok' then go into the toilet and wank yourself silly..

In this day and age a no could mean a yes and a no could mean a NO for sexual encounters think of no meaning NO and if a NO is imposed them just do it yourself..

Forcing yourself on someone whether they want it or not is rape. if they say yes its not forced if they say no its forced whether the no means yes or the no means NO

i do the same thing, and it works out fine
but you have to make sure than when theres somehting you really REALLY dont wanna do - you can make yourself know.

im a little shy like that.. but youll have a hard time telling people what you want sexually when your like that.
its fine.
what ever floats your boat.

[quote=SmilingInside;159360]he says it feels like rape when he has to do that...[/QUOTE]
...And yet he does it. That would imply that he's willing to rape you.

Move on. Now.