Uhh! You're underage even if you do want him badly or he does. If I was in that situation I would resist and say NO because I would be threading on very thin ice legally speaking, if anything happen I /him end up in a long jail sentence.
You have to wait until you reach a legal age of consent then things can be develop from there mutually that is.
I would also think long and hard about your Mum's situation because you will be wrecking her relationship with this man and yourself.

Cool your heels, girl! Chill.

First, please understand that at your age and phase of development, your hormones are raging--just like with boys, although somewhat differently.

This is your mother's husband--your stepfather. There are legal issues as well as relationship issues that not your concern. His loyalty and devotion are to her. His relationship with you is to guide you to the next level of development (of which there are several throughout the teen years) and to protect you.

> I want to have sex with him and I don't know how to bring the subject up to him.

YOU DO NOT! For him to have sex with a minor, any child, is called rape. You are flirting with extreme danger for which you are ill equipped to handle. If you have sex with him, plan on visiting him in jail, your mom without a functional male partner, loss of significant income, and disappointment in you that will definitely impact your relationship with your mother.

Better me thinks to keep all this as a fantasy and use the script this way.

Understand that you are probably a couple of years ahead of guys your age, so depending upon what you are permitted to do socially, look for guys your age or a year older to socialize with or date.

How would you like it if you had a long time boyfriend and some girl started playing up to him behind your back? You are flirting with nothing different.

> some nights I change into short pajamas before I do my home work, just to see if he notices.

Of course he notices, he is male. Understand this and then maintain proper boundaries.

> My mom and I don;t have the greatest relationship

Such is life during a child's teen years. Boys and Girls alike often have disagreements with parents (who by the way have traveled a lot more ground than you and who have acquired much more life experience from which to help raise you--so, listen to them and do not be so in a hurry to grow up and be independent. Your task as a teen is to learn how to be an adult. Just because you have gone through puberty, can make babies does not an adult make. You are only halfway through this process, so hang in there and enjoy being a kid for a while.

I would also suggest that the next step you need to take if you want to become a great person and mom yourself someday is that you work with your mother to gain insight and knowledge from her. You have much to learn and as yet do not know what you do not know. Work with your dad (if still in your life) as well as your stepfather in order to gain the male perspective on becoming an adult. In the meantime, date fellas in your school.

Please read the section in the Index on dating. There are several articles that will concern you. The Index is at the top of the main page. It contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. Please read each one and add the information to what you already know. Knowledge is empowering.

I understand that what I've written is not what you want to have; however, it is what you need to know. Understand that adults have been where you are, have experienced what you are dealing with, and have much knowledge to give. Please accept and learn from those with more life experiences.

-doc

You are on the road to serious trouble. It might sound like a lark but there are consequences to all actions, and with a wedded partner of someone so close to you that would be heading for jail if you take any action... NOT WORTH IT!

Getting a lay, getting a fantasy realised is NOT worth putting someone in jail over.

If you're really curious, you will need to find a boy your own age to experiment with.

I am actually dealing right now with a freind whose dad turned out to be a paedo who fathered children by teenagers. He's about to be sentenced. The reports are grotesque, and the process gruelling for his spouse and family.

DON'T be the person who does that to somebody's life.

Oh, honey---you are at a very difficult age right now. You are 15-- it's that "in-between" age (between teenager and woman). You are having all these confusing-exciting feelings. But you have to remember --even though this man is not your father by blood---he is still your father. ("step" or not)

You are much too young to remember the movie "Little Darlings". It was one of my favorite movies. It was a movie about girls at a summer camp. (They were 15 just like you) The girls made a bet that whoever lost their virginity first would win $100. Kristy McNichol has her eye on Matt Dillon a boy from a nearby boys camp and Tatum O'Neal is completely enamored with a much older man --sexy Armand Assante who is her camp counselor. She daydreams about him and envisions the two of them "making love" as she is head over heels in love with him--or so she thinks. (I won't spoil the ending for you if you end up watching it ) Everyone has fantasies. It's not at all uncommon to want a man who is much older than you.

But---you are ONLY 15. I know it's a frustrating age for you. And the man you are fantasizing about is not just ANY older man----he is your step-father and your mother's husband. I have to agree with what the others stated---if he were to give in to your advances it would put him in the category of "Sex Offender".

And just in case everyone isn't adding enough sting to this, not only will be be a sex offender, he will also have to register as one wherever he goes. If he moves he has to register. New job, register. He will basically be branded for life, because things on the Internet do not die.

It's for that very reason I have zero alone contact with our 15 year old baby sitter. I belied she's flirted with me the same as you've described, so I make sure my wife is always present, I never drive her home, etc. It's scary to think how easily my life could be destroyed.

It isjust not fair to put someone under so much heat for sex. He has serious consequences if he gets caught having sex with you. Calm down I know older, more experienced men can be attractive, but im sure there are nice boys your age who will treat you with respect during your first time, and who are worth being in a relationship with.

My first response was to ask if you were INSANE but then, I remembered that you're 15 so, yes, you are. First of all you only realised how "hot" he was after your friends mentioned it to you. And at a slumber party, no less. Yep! Pure insanity right there.

I will be blunt.

Your Mom doesn't have a great relationship with you because, for some reason, you don't respect her. Here she is working the hours nurses have to work to take care of you and yet you repay her care and concern by hitting on her husband by flaunting yourself in short pajamas - pure streetwalker behavior. Seeing how streetwalkers end up - yep! more insanity. Not a good career choice.

And yes, along with all the others, you will damn him if you do this. "oh he's so hot I want him incarcerated with people who will rip him a new one literally for the remainder of his days"

Yep! You are a real prize. A daughter a mother could easily be proud of.

Change your ways because in damning him you will also damn yourself.

Let's hope that this man is an upstanding citizen and a pillar of society--or at least a man of principles and integrity that your mother is proud of. That said my guess is that if you did ask and hope to discuss the matter with him that he would quite frankly "yank your chain" and in so doing give you a needed reality check.

It is one thing to want what you want and quite another to realize that these desires are the stuff of fantasies. Part of a teenager's learning to be an adult is to learn right from wrong beyond the scope of what children are taught--and, to foresee the consequences of your actions.

The teen years are a decade long, beginning about eleven and continuing to sometime in your 21st year. The last part of your person to form and develop is the frontal cortex of the brain, specifically that part that provides the ability to predict the consequences of our actions. It is because you lack the foresight at this stage that we are being so hard on you.

> > --even though this man is not your father by blood---he is still your father. ("step" or not)

Step- or blood, a "father" is the person who actually steps up and assumes the role. Lucky if you have two such men in your life, good that you have one.

In addition to what I stated, above, his job is to raise you be the woman you are destined to become. The same holds true for your mother. Your job as part of the family is to learn and give respect to those older and wiser than you, plus get a good high school education and prepare for college. It is common for teens your age to challenge and be disrespectful and to have tantrums because things don't go to your liking; however, you must understand that you still have training wheels so to speak. If you want to challenge your parents, then do so in a positive way and encourage them to teach you well, then do your part by learning life's lessons well.

Understand that girls often flirt with older men and boys often think with the head of their penis rather than the head on their shoulders. This is just part of growing up. In a few years your hormones will balance out and all will be better for you when this happens. As you progress thru your teen years, think about your part in society. Begin practicing Common Sense, making certain you understand right from wrong, and making informed decisions--then, ask yourself, what will the consequences be if I decide to do this, that, or, the other.

There is an old navel saying: "damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead." Following thru on your whims or desires is not always the wise thing to do especially when you do not weigh in possible consequences. You must learn how to decide. Doing so is in part the measure of a woman and a man.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

I agree that sleeping with him is a bad idea, but you still need to deal with the feelings you have. Some posters have suggested putting those feeling on the back burner, but I think that is a bad idea that will only frustrate you more. I say talk to him about boys and sex in general. Tell him about your curiosity, your distrust of teenage boys and your relationship with your mom. I think a deep conversation on these topics will help you better understand your own feelings and how to live with them. Often times it what we want but can't have that drive us to make our most irrational decisions. Allow the conversation to go where ever you feel most comfortable or where you feel you'll get the most answers. You might find an answer that satisfies you.

Understand if you actually tell him you want to be with him now, he will likely respond with sympathy, but it might also put barriers between the two of you. It sounds like you are intelligent and this man is a great influence in your life, be careful not to mess that up.

I do want to say I feel bad for some of the comments on here. I get it that you are only looking for advice, but some on here have been a bit harsh on you. Rise above!

No, I am by no means judging you whatsover----I do understand. I was 15 once too. By the way--I have always liked older men as well. There is something about older men-- They are more mature, understanding and patient than younger men. And yes---I am not surprised that all the boys close to your age want to sleep with you. They are wired that way. It's their hormones going crazy and they all have sex on the brain !

It's good that you do feel close to this man. It sounds like he is a positive influence in your life. But you have to look at the situation from an outsiders perspective. Someone who is not emotionally involved---Someone who can see all the pros and cons (as well as the repercussions which could occur should you act on your desires and fantasies)

Please take everyone's advice. In time there will be someone in your life who is right for you / cares about you and is not just looking for sex. I know it's hard to see that far into the future. Trust me----it does get better.

What purpose would "bringing this up to him" serve?

Does he really need to know that you're lusting after him?
Does he really need to know you're competing with your girlfriends to have the hottest guy?
Does he need to know you're considering betraying your mother?

What value TO HIM would this conversation have?

BTW - even if no one else found out - do you think that would make it okay? What you and he have no personal sense of honor? His own personal guilt might lead him to confess. And think for a moment how wonderful it would be if when you're your mom's age if your husband had it off with your daughter.

Stop getting wrapped around the axle about "judgemental" - OF COURSE we're being judgemental - we're what you hope to be someday, capable of judgement - the hallmark of an adult.

You are no longer a child and must stop thinking as a child thinks. Soon you will be out on your own and expected to bear your own burdens, and make your own judgements.

My advice is for you to clean up your behavior and to keep your mouth shut - do NOT have this conversation with your stepfather, your mother or your girlfriends. Learn now to keep your private life, just that - private.

So you're frustrated. Yegods! Stop acting like being frustrated is the worst thing in the world. It isn't. Frustration only means you haven't thought the situation through enough and should rethink your position. You don't trust teenage boys - well, they don't trust you either, but they at least are legit prey and the ones you should be practicing on. So your feelings get hurt - you will live and you will learn more safely with them than with 45 yr old men - remember your mom's 2nd husband.

Here is my answer

hc34c, this is an article I wrote six months ago that may shed light on your situation and phase of teen-hood.

-doc

Hi hc34c,
This guy seems to have a wonderful influence on you and your life. Which is something you should definitely cherish! :) Your second post adds a lot of value to the one you started this thread with. If there's something I'm sure you could tell him, it's how you appreciate him in your life.

I'm getting a suspicion the reason why you want to tell him is not so much to achieve results in fulfilling your desires, but more like an attempt to make things clear between you two. Is that correct? Possibly; you even want his help in making this clear for yourself. True?

Using the help of others in understanding ourselves can be helpful. But with a person so close -and in fact: subject- it's more susceptible to consequences you didn't want to happen. So; best to start with yourself. And you've come to the right place, since we're all anonymous and here to help :)

In addition to the given advice, I'd like to ask you to think about what you're feeling is sexual attraction. Try and answer why this feeling has occurred. Maybe you could even pinpoint: when it came to you. Now these -I know- are weird and hard questions to answer. But it's good to try step back and look at where you are now. No-one knows you better than you. No-one can look at you on such a deep level. You seem like a clever girl, so I think you're capable of giving this a shot. Just take your time to let it sink in, feel inside yourself and think it over for a while.

I can't look inside your head. But to help you on your way, I'll share a thought that comes to my mind when reading your posts:
Are you sexually attracted, because you already liked him a lot, then your friends told you he was so hot + your hormones are raging and confusing, so you translated this into sexual feelings? When you could say this liking is a warm and fuzzy feeling, like the affection and love that family-members share? Maybe you even feel that love more deeply for him than for others, because he's a positive influence in your life. This would mean you do not lust for him, but more likely love him, in a father-daughter-way. Then the title of this thread is less far off than it seems :)

Another thought that comes to mind that reaches deeper into your core; Could it be you're desperate to keep this man in your life? Scared to lose him? A need to eliminate competition (iow: your friends)? Do you fear your mother is failing him? Consequentially failing you? Therefor (subconsciously) having this urge to try and replace the role of your mother?

If my ways of thinking are true -and I'm not saying they are, just if- let me also add that this is in no way something to feel ashamed about. Many people, young and old, go through experiences in their life when they can't define love from lust. It's because our hormones do not respond all that differently; in both cases this makes us feel happy and in bliss. With a body in a teen hormonal state and not that clear on these new sexual feelings, it's even harder to differentiate. Also; you wouldn't be the first for who fear of losing someone makes them do irrational things. The good thing is; if you realize such confusing of feelings before acting stupid/irresponsible/offensive/hurtful, you'll not only avoid suffering bad consequences, but actually have a better chance of keeping that special person :)

I hope this post is helpful to you. Any questions, please ask for clarification. I wish you best of luck!

> I don't not trust any boys close to my age.

Understandable, as I said your maturity level is probably a couple of years ahead of your classmates. Still, a blanket statement of flatly stating "any" is severely limiting your horizons. There is an article in the Index on trust and you can also do a site search on the matter. Briefly, trust is earned, yet in order to establish trust some small amount must be freely given in order to get the so called ball rolling.

If you absolutely believe you cannot trust a boy, then have a hard look at who these boys are. I can probably walk into your school and find plenty of boys your age who are trust worthy, as well as many who are not. If you do not trust then you are telling everyone you do not trust yourself to at least invest a little of your time to find out.

We'll wait right here.

I am 15 years old too. But I am having a problem where I can't get guys to stop asking me to have sex with them or to send them pictures of me naked or videos of be fingering myself. i have sent pictures of myself to them though.. i am still a virgin but i get horny alot and i can't help but to want to have sex. and these boys are wanting to have sex with me they try to get me alone. and i can't help to get turned on alot when we dirty talk. i have even had phone sex can anyone help me control my hormons?

Yes Doc, and that was one reason why I didn't bother dating.

As if I couldn't look after myself. Pffft!

I am reminded of a time not too long ago in which fathers had "the talk" with all boys who came to their house to pick up their date and to meet the dad.

These were dreaded and uncomfortable times for many boys who were expected to meet dad and to receive instructions on expected behaviors when it came to dating his daughter.

* Boys were expected to behave as gentlemen
* Boys were entrusted to look out for and protect the girl
* Boys were expected to abide by house rules even when away on a date
* Boys were expected to be boys and to try things with their date(s), yet
boundaries for any hanky-panky were expected to be respected

As one story goes, when this particular young man came calling, he was invited in and ushered to a not so comfortable chair. Dad was sitting across from him nonchalantly cleaning a rifle with implications during "the talk" that the rifle might be used should the lad misbehave or disrespect his daughter.

My, my, those were the good ol' days.... Nowadays, the lad would probably call the police on the dad for having a gun/rifle out of its safe and not actually brandishing it in front of people!

What you might consider, hc34c, when you believe the time is right for you to date, and you have your parents' blessing is to talk to your stepfather in advance and encourage him to have "the talk" with any boy who comes calling. It could be a very enlightening experience if you happen to ease drop on the conversation. I would not be surprised if today's fathers who had the talk as a boy continue the tradition. Either way, ask your father for his assistance. If he loves you and has your best interest at heart, he should welcome your invitation. Oh! and speaking of trust, that you asked will go a long way in your parents trusting you.

Give yourself permission to trust a little, and as trust is built, continue to let it grow. This works whether you are 15 or 50. That you do not trust boys your own age is one thing, however, your logic is flawed because to automatically imply that you would trust a boy who is 18 or 20 or whatever can be asking for trouble, also. And, as an aside to this, do you trust girls your age? If so, why? Any one of them can turn on you for the lamest of reasons and start gossiping. Think about it. It is great to be cautious, yet do not let this limit your involvement with others regardless of age. I commend you for your caution. When you do go on dates, be sure to carry a cellphone with you that you can get to quickly if necessary. Have your house number on speed dial. The same goes for 911 or whatever emergency response number is used in your location if outside the U.S.A.

When you are ready to date, be sure to read the articles listed in the Index that discuss the matter.

You asked for advice. We gave it to you.

Don't ask for advice if all you are looking for is to be told what you WANT to hear.

Don't talk to your step father about this; it is a horrible position to put him in. From the sounds of it he has donr right by you untill now, so why would you do this to him?

I would not be surprised if he left the family, if presented with the temptation to become a statutory rapist in his own home.

LOL - I reread the reasons why you do not trust boys your own age. "They only want sex" - how ironic - when you're lusting after your step-father. Perhaps you can now understand teenage boys lusting after you. Unlike you however, they're going after legit sex.

"Me as a person" - now this is where their distrust of you comes in. Young men are well aware that if they get to care about you as a person, they stand a much better chance of being hurt so they try to avoid the danger. They deny the emotional connection in just the same way as you deny the physical connection. You've fallen into the age-old trap of confusing sex with love and of trading sex for love which only leads young men to trade a pretense of love to get some sex.

Then theres the serious soccer player and serious student thing - as if you can't be all of that and enjoy sex with young men too. But it means being responsible for and having control over your own emotions and not requiring the validation "of me as a person" from others.

Once again - you are not the only young woman who has gone through terrible times. In many ways, I think almost every young woman has her bit of hell and some of the young men too. But you have to 'get over' that.

Peer pressure? Hmmm, do you really expect to see any of them ever again after you're done with high school? Probably not. So their opinions are, in the end, irrelevant. Let them talk. Never date the same type of boy. Most youngsters go for bad boys and they aren't worth anything certainly not your time.

Asking anyone out is always risky regardless of the genders involved. But, still, it is a case of ask and decide - no matter what the decision it remains "no harm, no foul" - but at least someone found you attractive enough to ask and that counts for something. In other words, you have nothing to lose by asking.

Of course they don't know you. You're running under a social mask just like the rest of us. You really can't expect it of them either - not until you've spent some time with them. Just remember, they're guys - they do not do nuance. You have to be upfront and clear. Like in the case of your shirt-ripper, break his nose by slugging him one and then just walk calmly away. Then send his parents the bill for a new shirt, telling them why you need one.

No, you're not unusual or 'sick'. You are "seeking security" which is perfectly normal - until you've grown into yourself, you will require security. Most of what we've told you thus far has been to point out that you're "seeking security" in the wrong place and in the wrong way.

It all has to come from inside yourself.
It will be tough going but you should make it.
I have confidence in you.

First off you shouldnt feel any shame or embarrassment about what happen with you and that jerk. Be happy that you taught him a lesson and he won't mess with you any longer.

As for asking a boy out, do it. Boys are socially required to ask out girls, so once you flip that around the boys will be so happy you took the pressure off them for a change. I was a shy teenager myself so i enjoyed it when a few pretty girls showed interest in me. Like eek said it is risky for either gender, but isn't it worth the risk when the reward is possibly finding someone that makes you happy, someone you can share everything with?

I dont understand what you mean by saying you are worried about only being attracted to guys who are safe? What is wrong with that? Arent guys who are unsafe guys like your moms second husband and the boy who tried to force himself on you?

I'm glad you felt this is a safe enough place to share what you have been holding in. You don't have to keep such a burden on your chest.

True, big, I left that out. Safe guys are great! Far too many women, mainly younger women but not always, think safe guys are boring. They aren't.

But one does have to admit that at 15 years of age, the safe guys haven't grown into themselves either. So a superficial assessment might classify them as boring but it is superficial and that has to be remembered.

I myself seek only safe, reliable men but within my age cohort, they tend to have a gleam in their eye and a deep appreciation of women. Given a decent chance, most of those 'safe' 15 yr old guys will grow into just such "interesting" men.

Whereas a 'bad boy' just becomes a 'bad man' which is a 'bad bargain'.

Your thread has developed into quite a multifaceted discussion with information in earlier followups I wish had been included in the opening letter. Regardless, I believe you are getting the help you seek. As for not jumping on your case, sometimes people need to hear what they need to hear not what they want to hear. By knowing more now, I think we are doing a better job of helping.

> Do any of you think I should talk to my mom and step dad about the boy who ripped my shirt? I have thought about it many times. Not sure how they'd react.

I'm curious how others will respond. My take on your question is that you have an emotionally unstable mother and a plugged-in stepfather. If you were to tell someone, I would recommend your father. Now, having said this, there is an ol' adage that asks: "of what benefit is it for him/her to know...?" Meaning, if s/he cannot do anything or there is nothing beneficial to be done, and after three-plus months of no additional harassment from the boy, I wouldn't bother mentioning the situation unless or until he does something in the future, then yes, I would definitely confide in your father or some other responsible adult whom you trust upon arriving home.

You handled the situation that occurred just fine. Bravo. You were harassed yet not harmed and he did not follow you or continue to bother you, so luckily it ended with your punch. My guess is he did not expect it, it hurt! physically as well as his pride, and literally knocked some sense into him.

First things first - it is NOT your job to 'fix' your mother. She is as she is until she herself decides to change. All you can do is to accept her as she is and do what you can to minimize - got it? Changing other people is a non-starter so don't even try. All you can do is advise if asked.

Once again - what Doc said. It has been too long since the idiot ripped your shirt - too late to do anything about it now. Let it go.

Massage therapy should be viewed as massage therapy and NOT as foreplay esp when it's your stepfather who's massaging your legs. Develop a professional athlete's mindset on this topic.

Finally, whatever happens between your mother and your stepfather is beyond your control and also 'not your job'. Of course you can help by NOT being a pain in the ... but beyond that, nothing. You see, few outside a marriage, and sometimes also the participants themselves, know what's going on between them inside the marriage. Not only can't you 'fix' people, you also cannot 'fix' relationships - other than your own and perhaps not even then.

Control what you can and don't fret over what you can't.

Hi hc34c,
I'm glad to hear it helped you. Now that you know what fears you have, you'll be more capable of dealing with them. And yes, take your time. There was no expectation to answer everything in one go. Two of these breakthroughs in one evening is quite an accomplishment! :)

Massages -again- stimulate the body to produce hormones to make us feel relaxed, happy, even in bliss. Which is part of the purpose; since it takes away pain and discomfort, relaxes the tissue and as your body and mind are connected: relaxes you. You're discovering that sexuality is a less clearly defined area than people sometimes make it seem to be. You're pinpointing the situations in which signals of your body can be confusing. It's all part of the process of learning when what means what. I'm sure you'll get there!

Yes, parents sometimes need our forgiving attitude. Parents do make mistakes, just because they are human. Sometimes things don't turn out as they had planned and even backfire completely. But in almost all cases, they had their children's interest and best intentions at heart. In addition; when our parents are in trouble, it is not unknown for children -even little ones- to try and fix situations, protect the parent, even feel responsible for them (as if the roles become reversed). EEK is right; you can't fix (for) her. Nor can you do a sort of role-reversal. The relationship with our parents can change over time, as you become adult and they become older. Especially when they've become needy, ill, incapable to care or decide for themselves. Chances are great that time will not be there for a long time for you, so don't worry about that now :)

Telling your parents about the boy that ripped your shirt: I do agree that it's good to consider beforehand whether telling someone is of interest knowing to them. But: that's important to consider in cases when the information can potentially hurt the other person. Are you harming them in telling? My thoughts would be all you ask of them is to listen. Also: let's -again- not forget you're a 15-year-old girl and they are your parents. Your healthy development into a young woman and your emotional well-being is therefor of their interest.

Sometimes telling something is not about persuading to action and answers, thus "fixing" something, it is the telling and the listening that will help the healing.

There's a very important thing, though: your doubt. The question would be if you consider these people capable of doing the listening-part. I'm guessing you're expecting a possible negative response? What would that be? And on what grounds do you expect it? An underlying question could be: do you trust them?

Allow me to add: o my, such stories makes me very angry at those little bastards that can't keep their hands to themselves. You are NOT the one that should feel ashamed, HE is! Good for you that you put him back in his place. You should be proud of that: you handled yourself very well there! Some of us freeze up in such situations (me included). You girl, have your reflexes in place and that will be your advantage whatever situation you run into in your life.

GUILT?!?! For what?? Defending yourself? Or did the idiot boy accuse you of "prick-teasing"? Why listen to him? - he's a scrophulous, offal-eating toad who you let off rather lightly in that you let him live.

Red Roses says she would have frozen but she's a very nice person. I am something rather different - the toad would have been lucky if he'd been able to crawl away. You dealt with him ably and should be PROUD of yourself.

I can imagine this has been an emotional rollercoaster for you. It's been a lot. Just know that you're doing great! And there's no need to rush things at all. Take a deep breath and try let go of it. I wish you lots of fun with your mom-daughter-day! :) We''ll be here when you're ready to continue the conversation.

You go girl!

I sometimes ask people who write in about doing something new and different such as adopting new ideas and behaviors to act the part of the person they wish to emulate or become. If you do this enough, over time you will adopt the "new" and it will become like old hat. You will have replaced the old you with the new and this can be a great thing.

Look at her from time to time and Smile :) (Even if thru clenched teeth.)

Listen to how you speak and try to make your conversations sound upbeat.

Enjoy the day. (As I tell my dance students: "Ve haf our vays!" {w/a German accent (sorry Brandye)

I am a high school teacher and initially, you seemed like such a mixed up little girl. Now allow me to say you are a very intelligent young woman. I am very impressed by your posts.
I think you should tell your parents about that boy who attacked you. I have two girls 18 and 13 if anyone tried something like that with one of them, I'd want to know. The temptation to beat the daylights out of the boy would be strong, but more importantly I think it is hard to move on carrying that burden around. We parents look out for you and as teenagers our most important job is your emotional well being. We may not be your first choice when it comes to confiding in someone. I see it as a teacher all the time, students don't believe their parents know them all that well, when in fact they know you better than anyone. We all can see that you are a strong person, but hiding that type of emotional pain is not easy and probably unhealthy. I bet both of your parents know something is not quite right with you and if you tell them I bet they'll surprise you with how well they know you.
Not every woman would react to an attack the way you did. I can't imagine how embarrassing it would be to walk down a street half naked. You taught that boy a lesson. Take it as a positive that you did. Always know that you have the confidence to handle situations like that. I can guarantee you that very few sophomore girls carry that type of confidence.

I'm a parent and a grandparent and I'd still say NO, Keep Your Mouth Shut and throw any guilt you may feel about not telling your parents out the window.

Why?

Because part of being an adult - an important part - is 'bearing your own burdens' - and this guilt you feel would be one of those things you can use for practice in the art of doing so.

Now why would this ability be something important? It is important because while confession may be good for the soul it can wreck merry hell upon all kinds of relatioonships esp when the receiving party(ies) do not want to hear all about it and when the knowledge would do them harm.

It is unethical in the extreme to confess something to make yourself feel better if the confession would harm the person to whom you confessed.

I shall give you an example: let's say the father found out re: idiot boy and then beat the crap out of him. Boy tells all and your father is up on charges and convicted. Now then, you confessed to make yourself feel better - but look what came from that - do you still feel better? Probably not. Dad's in prison, boy feel vindicated, and your Mother's upset because the family she finally got together is now broken all to bits.

I'm not saying that is what WILL happen if you told but it MIGHT and are you willing to take that chance.

Not all men are good at refusing such a tempting target. Mine wasn't, so I never told him anything - I knew him far too well to take the risk.

EXCELLENT!

Couldn't be better and Congratulations to your Mother re: the new baby!

Yes, I am blunt and I do not give you anywhere to hide - just as I was/am with my own children and grandchildren whom I love passionately and completely while not letting them get away with a damn thing. You need a crucible to forge steel.

I have EVERY confidence in you and perhaps you'd like to know why. Two reasons, you took my advice right on your chin and did not flinch or get angry or defensive - thus proving you had the courage to be honest with yourself; and you kept coming back for more, opening up more, being willing to listen to everyone, not just me, and being willing to rethink, reconsider and to try new ways - proving you are seriously interested in inproving your life and making it your own.

BTW tank tops are tawdry but if you think baggy t-shirts are going to hide anything from the red-hot gaze of teenage boys - you're dreaming. Still dressing modestly shouldn't mean wearing a burkha. Instead of using the word 'modestly', I'd substitute the word "appropriately". There are places and times when the showing of skin is very appropriate but school is not one of them. (No, I am not going to tell you when other than 'the beach' so don't get your hopes up.)

Congratulations upon your adoption!

EXCELLENT!

Couldn't be better and Congratulations to your Mother re: the new baby!

Yes, I am blunt and I do not give you anywhere to hide - just as I was/am with my own children and grandchildren whom I love passionately and completely while not letting them get away with a damn thing. You need a crucible to forge steel.

I have EVERY confidence in you and perhaps you'd like to know why. Two reasons, you took my advice right on your chin and did not flinch or get angry or defensive - thus proving you had the courage to be honest with yourself; and you kept coming back for more, opening up more, being willing to listen to everyone, not just me, and being willing to rethink, reconsider and to try new ways - proving you are seriously interested in inproving your life and making it your own.

BTW tank tops are tawdry but if you think baggy t-shirts are going to hide anything from the red-hot gaze of teenage boys - you're dreaming. Still dressing modestly shouldn't mean wearing a burkha. Instead of using the word 'modestly', I'd substitute the word "appropriately". There are places and times when the showing of skin is very appropriate but school is not one of them. (No, I am not going to tell you when other than 'the beach' so don't get your hopes up.)

Congratulations upon your adoption!

I'm so happy for you. It warms my heart that you finally are building trust with your mom. And so happy as well that your step dad wants to adopt you. I got a little teary eyed after reading that. Everyone needs great role models in their life and it is great that you have some secruity that they will always be with you now.

Your feelings should really start fading when you get back to school and find that there were always really nice boys around, you just havent found yet. Also I don't know if you have started masturbating but that would probably help with your frustration.

Lastly congrats on becoming a big sister and your adoption. I feel this new year will bring much joy to your life. And ofcourse we will be here for you and your growth.

honey we are only looking out for you and your stepfather. DONT DO IT!!!

[QUOTE=hc34c;276686][COLOR="blue">As for my clothes, the big concern is the skin. Mom says it is too easy for boys to look down my shirt when it is a tank top or v neck. I think sports bras or halter tops covered with a t shirt and hoodie might be appropriate. [/COLOR]

I've looked down several shirts and blouses and as a teen just beginning to date my girlfriend's father instructed her to place her hand on her neckline to hold it close to her body. Result: nothing to see, just something to imagine. HINT-HINT.

I'm not a big fan of hoodies, although I am well aware that each generation has its unique fashion statement. This is just the latest yet probably the second worst on my list. Trousers down around the thighs is at the top of my list.

I can understand hoods in the rain or windy weather but not on a nice day indoors or at the mall, etc. People want to see your face, not your silhouette! For girls especially and boys as well, I think this fashion statement is sending people the wrong message regarding the personality and lifestyle of the person wearing the outfit.

[COLOR="blue">Mom talked to her therapist today and thinks I should go to the next two sessions with her. [/COLOR]

What does her therapist want? Has she discussed you attending a session and if so, when?

[COLOR="blue">I don't want her to feel like all our relationship problems are her fault. Maybe they are, I don't know, but maybe that is something we sort out in a few sessions.

I'm curious if any of you think attending a few of her sessions is a good idea. [/COLOR]

Good idea that. A neutral third party with some insight can provide clarity. Tell your mom why you would like to see the therapist and ask if she would set up an appointment for the two of you.

[COLOR="blue">I think for now, her anger has been replaced by sadness. She was really sad last night, so I laid down with her on the couch and let her cuddle me. I hadn't done that in awhile, but I think she appreciated it. I am not sure if it my place to comfort her, but last night it sure felt like the thing to do. [/COLOR]

Maybe yes, maybe no. Continue to monitor her.

Of course it is OK for you to comfort your mother.

[COLOR="blue">I have a lot of questions about masturbating. I never have, but I have leaned up against stuff a few times.[/COLOR]

There are several articles listed in the Index that discuss the female orgasm in various facets. Here are some of them to get you started.

Benefits of Masturbating for Boys and for Girls

For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?
Includes information on learning how to masturbate.

The Anatomy of the Female "O"

Girls/women very often learn to masturbate later than boys and with a more concerted effort. The process for girls is more complex than for boys and this is why there are several specific articles.

[COLOR="blue">One friend of mine says she did it a few times, but it always made her feel depressed and lonely. Does that happen or does she have other issues at work there? [/COLOR]

Orgasms are extremely pleasurable and this is why so much importance is given to them. I will let one of the women experts to address the possibility of "other issues at work...."

[COLOR="blue">Another says she gives herself orgasms and it is the best thing ever. Yet another says she sits in a running washing machine when no one else is home and it is 20 minutes of heaven. I don't know if that is true![/COLOR]

Many teenage boys masturbate one or more times each day. There is no norm except what is normal for each of us. Generally girls can enjoy more and quicker in succession; yet masturbate less frequent throughout the month. Consider that if masturbation was not so pleasurable, guys probably would not be wasting time doing it. Girls, too.

That said, some women do not masturbate yet find making love no less enjoyable. Brandye has often stated that orgasms are not the biological imperative that they are for males. Learn how (see above) and make up your own mind.

Benefits of Masturbating for Boys and for Girls
[COLOR="blue">
Will using my fingers hurt? [/COLOR]

Possibly, if you are too rough, rub the same place causing irritation, or, you do not use sufficient lubrication {natural or commercial).

What to do when the Clitoris becomes too sensitive
[COLOR="blue">
Is a vibrator a better option? Will a vibrator "break me in", meaning will the first time I am with a boy will it still hurt? [/COLOR]

I believe it is best to learn how to achieve orgasms using your finger(s), first and foremost because most of your experiences with a partner will be at this level of intensity. Vibrators are fun to use but not regularly. They can create much stronger sensations, yet if a person relies upon them exclusively then when a partner tries to help you climax you will most likely find that you have been severely desensitized.

[COLOR="blue">If I let a boy play with my breasts, will it turn me on? [/COLOR]

Why not run a self-test when learning and after you have and can regularly and consistently climax? Some women find that nipple and areola caresses have little affect; others find that such play is extremely pleasurable anytime during the lovemaking process; others find that such stimulation is pleasurable during the time leading up to an orgasm but not during. Some women like to have their breasts played with later when more aroused than earlier when not. Some like a light touch, others firmer, and at different times. To each her own.

For Men and Women Only- Breasts and Play

WHEN ARE YOU AND OTHERS GOING TO START READING THE ARTICLES LISTED IN THE INDEX?

[COLOR="blue">That boy I punched cupped them and squeezed them which made me feel tense and that is where the punch came from. I liked kissing him, but was the breast thing my body telling me stop him or was it just me wanting him to listen to me? After all, I told him twice to stop. [/COLOR]

Probably both, and more that he overstepped his bounds! Do you recall if his handling was rough and not pleasant?

When I do masturbate, where should my mind be, on myself, fantasizing about sex with some boy or some calm peaceful place?

All are A-OK. As the saying goes: "whatever floats your boat" in the moment. Variety is spice.

[COLOR="blue">My step dad came home to take me out to lunch today. He said he heard mom and I had a good talk yesterday and I said that we did, except it made me happy and her sad. He told me not to worry, she is strong. I told him how sad she seemed last night, but he told my job was to grow, be happy and learn something from her and that would make her happy. [/COLOR]

Hmm, sounds slightly familiar.... ;)

He went on to tell me how he wishes he'd met my mom sooner. He feels like he missed out on so much of my life. He was so excited when he found out she was pregnant and immediately hoped it would be a boy. He said right away her realized how silly it was to think that. Watching me grow from a scared little girl into a smart, confident, beautiful woman is a great joy for him. He said he always wants to be there, for graduations, my marriage and to have my kids call him grandpa. He said he didn't just want me in his life, he needs me in his life. I'll quote his next line, I practiced my answer all night, "I love you, you are so special to me and you are a part of me. I never knew how much I would come to love you when I first met you, but you are hard not to love. With your permission, I'd like to adopt you".
I answered, "I love you too.......DAD".[/QUOTE]

You are both lucky and blessed, and are now recognizing how valuable parents are to a kid. You are on a roll, please don't blow it.

I am very pleased to read that you and your mother had a great day. Here's to many more mother/daughter get togethers.

-doc

boys are going to look at you no matter what. you could wear a turtle neck, tight jeans and boys will still look at you. just dress appropriately like eek said.

i had girlfriends that have told me some of the things that do and one of those is sitting on the washer. another swears by a cloth material lazyboy recliner. she grinds against the seat and/or the arm rest. masturbation with hands or fingers is best to me just because it is skin to skin contact. start slow and build your arousal. if you take your time then the orgasm will be much stronger compared to something quick. your thoughts during masturbation can be anything. i simply enjoyed the feeling of being pleasured and that was it when i first started. i really dove into my body and felt every little feeling. now i think about having sex with someone i know or watch porn.

breast play can be pleasurable but with that boy he was crossing the line so that is why it wasn't for you. it felt like your space was being violated so you couldn't enjoy it.

also i think it is important to look at yourself down there. grab a hand mirror and acknowledge what it looks like and be happy with it if you aren't already. here is a link for some drawings of different valvas. all of them are normal and healthy. http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/sexual-health-women/28325-how-vagina-sup...

here is a diagram and the entire clitoris http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6c/Clitoris_anatomy_labe...

and lastly here is a link that i found brandye recommended a while ago for masturbation. [url=http://www.clitical.com/]Female Masturbation and Sex Toy Reviews At Clitical.Com

Please note: that until you have masturbated to orgasm, your hardware (genitals) are not linked to your software (brain). It isn't like it is with males who come already connected. Women have to do this 'connecting' on their own.

Hormones can dictate your mood which can explain sme of the 'depressing' effects post-orgasm. I've never felt that myself but others tell they have. Me, I just get this huge power surge and am sooo ELATED!!! I LOVE SEX!! Perhaps you can tell?

Hoodies?!?! Yikes!! You're not Muslim, are you? What are you so afraid of? So guys look. BAH! As long as they keep their mouths shut and their hands to themselves, let 'em look. My favorite line during high school was "Is this what your mother taught you?" Similar reminders also work well.

Until you've had some sexual experience, you will not know what you like and what you don't. But there's no rush.

> Yet another says she sits in a running washing machine when no one else is home and it is 20 minutes of heaven.

This reminds me of stories I used to hear frequently about young girls getting a "buzz" by sliding down the bannister! :D

(A word of caution before trying this at home: Houses nowadays are not built as sturdily so make sure if you live in a fairly new home that the railings are attached securely! :eek: I've been to several open houses that are for sale and am amazed at how flimsy the railings are nowadays.)

Sitting on top of a washing machine while on spin is nothing new, except to the person doing it for the first time. ;)

Most guys most of the time masturbate by getting right to it. While we do some fantasizing during the process that helps arouse us, we caress our body much less frequently. I recommend that you learn to connect more of the proverbial dots together when learning to masturbate by caressing your body as if you were Necking and Petting with a guy--except that it is your fingers and hand at work. So, while you can start by fingering private parts, I suggest making love to yourself by starting with light caresses to your face, neck, shoulders, stomach arms, fingers, legs, and as you become more and more aroused then as you repeat the steps, add in your breasts but not the nipples just yet, an your pubic area but not the clitoris just yet. As you continue to caress yourself over and over all over, then add one or both areolas and nipples. (Learn which side (left or right) is more reactive and if you discover that one side is more so than the other, concentrate on that breast.

Learn how to stimulate your nipples and areolas and when is the ideal time to do this. You can use dry or moist fingers, cover your breasts with a sheet and stimulate them thru the material, possibly using a fingernail.

When it is time to move to your genital area, do not go directly to your clitoris; instead, work your way from your pubic mound along each of the labia majora {large lips) to the labia minora {small lips) and massage each in turn. The clitoris just like the penis is comprised of two main components--the tip and the shaft. The latter is buried beneath the folds of the labia and can be rubbed by running your finger(s) along the vulva. The tip can be fingered, rubbed, massaged, as seems appropriate in the moment. I recommend that you distribute your mucus over the area to make the skin very slippery while at the same time giving you the ability to use much less pressure.

Once you discover how to bring about orgasms and can do so regularly and consistently, you can then do more exploring and develop techniques that you like.

I agree with big916's comment that you should explore the area with a light and hand mirror. I can pretty much guarantee that there isn't a boy around who is not familiar with every square inch of his anatomy; not so with the typical girl. Learn what your pieces-parts look like, feel like, and respond to being caressed. It is very important, although not so much now as later, that you know what your hymen looks like. Is it fully intact? Has it (partially) eroded away over the years from sporting activities? Is the membrane small, large, solid or with an opening in addition to the normal one beside it and the vaginal wall? At some point in time, now or in the future, you will want to explore the vagina itself. You may want to finger the inside during masturbation, maybe not, this is a personal preference.

Lastly, understand that orgasms manifest themselves in pretty much the same way for boys, day in day out. Girls on the other hand can enjoy a multitude of different ones depending upon their physiology and where they are at any given time in their cycle. (Variety is spice, just do not be surprised in the beginning if there seems to be no consistency.)

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc