I was wondering if flirting is really bad to do in a supposed serious relationship? I know that sometimes flirting is an innocent behavior that some of us do unknowingly but what if you do it on purpose? Does that mean it's wrong?
Tue, 02/22/2011 - 03:06
#1
Flirting in an almost 3 year relationship...
Flirting is NOT serious and is therefore okay.
Seduction is serious and is therefore NOT okay.
If he/she follows her/him home - then it was seduction.
If he/she doesn't, then it was merely flirting.
It all depends on you and your partner and what you have agreed to do and not to do in your relationship.
My SO and I find flirting hilarious and do it often.
My SO has a thing for going to titty bars and flirting with the girls there (she's bi, but hasn't the courage to admit it, even though she makes it with other women occasionally). None of this bothers me in the least.
Again, it all depends on what the two of you have decided.
As JFK once remarked: "Proceed with all possible 'vigah'."
Flirting demonstrates interest. We want our partner to know we are interested even if going further is not possible at the time. Flirting is one way to keep the fires of passion alive.
Hm, okay now I understand more about it. Thanks!
Uhmmm... perhaps I'm wrong but I think we're talking two kinds of flirting here:
[INDENT]Flirting "in" a relationship keeps the fires of passion alive.
Flirting with other people ("outside" the relationship), is generally innocent behavior.[/INDENT]
I agree with the distinction between flirting and seduction. But: "following someone home" doesn't tell you much about the goal of the flirt-like-behavior, just the outcome. After all; you can flirt with someone with the purpose to seduce them and fail at it. I guess it's more a question what's the intention.
So, dear Marebear, if you've raised the question for concerns of yourself flirting with others, then you can take comfort in your own intentions. Don't worry too much about what's considered "appropriate" or not in a relationship according to others, just according to the two of you.
If it's about him flirting with others and you feel that this may be wrong, but are not sure... My guess is you're most probably doubting his intentions. And that's hard to solve; you'll probably run into the ancient and forever ongoing dilemma that it's hard to tell what others' intentions are. You can use your gutfeeling and off course; ask him.
[INDENT]Gutfeeling is very reliable as it's your tool designed for your survival. Difficulty with gutfeeling is that it could feed of your own insecurity.
Asking him keeps communication going between you two instead of spinning around in assumptions (communication is the key to a healthy relationship!). Difficulty with asking him is you'll get either true or "socially desired" answers. You can only find comfort in this if you trust him.[/INDENT]
[QUOTE=RedRoses;265424]
[INDENT]Gutfeeling is very reliable as it's your tool designed for your survival. Difficulty with gutfeeling is that it could feed of your own insecurity.
[/INDENT][/QUOTE]
Excellent and insightful answer, RedRoses.
"gut feeling" is intuition. And, yes, it is utterly reliable in love, war and in every day life -- once we learn to pay attention to and interpret that signal.
Reference: "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker
Excuse me but "following you home" is precisely the intent of seduction, it is NOT the intent of flirtation. Perhaps I hadn't made that clear. If you want the man to follow you home then you are seducing him, you are not flirting with him.
Thanks, Red. I have tried to cut down on my flirting because I tend to attract people that just won't leave me alone after wards. I don't flirt on purpose either, my boyfriend tells me it's just cause I'm TOO nice...it's hard for me not to be nice cause that's my personality. I'm not even mean to people I don't like, lol. It's just not in my nature. Anyways, when I originally made this thread it was because my boyfriend had recently gone on a Ski trip, he told me some stories that sounded like he might have been flirting but he assures me he wasn't doing it intentionally. But, now that I know for a fact that it's innocent behavior I can't get mad at him cause I might be doing the same.
[QUOTE=Marebear1991;265468]. I have tried to cut down on my flirting because I tend to attract people that just won't leave me alone after wards. .[/QUOTE]
lol Marebear I hear yah on that one... I told a guy that I liked men with bald heads.(well duh of course I do my hubby is folicly challenged:p )
now he wont leave me the ****alone.. he had got one of my business cards from a mutual friend and has sent me 145txts today i replied to 4 of them and he still wont get the hint .. I mean what from that statement says I would even consider having sex with him or a 3sum which he asked for.. i also very much like bananas but i sure as hell aint going to have sex with every banana I come across..
If you can't get rid of an unwanted man, you are being too nice about it.
For example the proper reply to the blded-headed man is
"I did not mean YOUR bald-head."
I am so easy to feel sad that I'd rather not ever have any followup, even if a girl looks like she's flirting with me, I always think that they are just being kind!
I guess I'm an extreme.
Lol, Nutty. I know what you mean. I've retreated back into my shy phase because of this...
EEK, I know, I have done this but like Nutty said some people just don't get the hint.
Barely, I used to think that about guys who would be flirting with me, I always thought they were doing it to make fun of me or just to be an ass and now since I've been with my boyfriend I have dealt with guys wanting to take me from him and one who almost succeeded...
That's exactly what I think whenever a girl,s being kind to me.
Almost succeded on taking you from your bf??? That's not good!
Look - guys do NOT understand nuance or hints and they get so few compliments that any they do get go immediately to both of their heads and they stop thinking.
Stop 'being nice' - just be normal and civil and let them worry about their 'feelings'. You're not their Mommy.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;265522]
Stop 'being nice' - just be normal and civil and let them worry about their 'feelings'. You're not their Mommy.[/QUOTE]
Or as I did today... Say "F off, and leave me alone because it would be a cold day in hell before I would even consider letting you get close to me let alone jump into bed with you... "
opps think it was a bit harsh but it worked a treat lol
LOL - yeah that would work!