me and my girlfriend are trying to have sex. she is a virgin and i am not. we have tried twice now with no success. we start off with lots of foreplay and everything is going well, then i make her cum by playing with her clit. so i put a condom on and try and go as slow as possible, but as soon as i put the head of my penis on her hole she stops me and says that it burns. it also does not help that every time she tells me to stop i start to lose my erection. im trying to be as caring and go as slow as she needs but i cant even get it part of the way in before it hurts too bad. i asked her if i could eat her out but she thinks that oral sex is disgusting and will not let me. she is 20 and i am 21 this is really starting to cause problems in our relationship, i told her that its not a big deal but it is really starting to stress us out. she said to me that she wants to have sex with me and i want to do it for her, but this is so frustrating. any ideas?
Thu, 08/28/2008 - 17:41
#1
first time woes
[QUOTE=avidsensei;222264]me and my girlfriend are trying to have sex. she is a virgin and i am not. we have tried twice now with no success.
[COLOR="Blue">This is not at all unusual. First time intercourse can and often does require several attempts. Do not fret over this.
How are you going about it? The best position to use is the Woman Superior position because it places her in control.
* She knows where your penis is and where her vaginal opening is so can deftly bring the two together often saving the (virgin) man some anxiety and embarrassment.
* She can place the tip of the penis beside the hymen (if it is intact) and vaginal wall.
* She can apply the right amount of pressure.
* If/when penetration happens, she can let the penis slip inside at a speed and depth that is comfortable.
* Stroking and later thrusting can be handled at a rate, rhythm, and depth that is comfortable.
Use pressure, do not try to poke or jab the penis against the hymen or into the opening. [/COLOR]
we start off with lots of foreplay and everything is going well, then i make her cum by playing with her clit. so i put a condom on and try and go as slow as possible, but as soon as i put the head of my penis on her hole she stops me and says that it burns.
[COLOR="Blue">First determine if the hymen is in fact (partially) intact. Often a hymen will have eroded away by the time a person reaches their mid to late teens. Either way, make sure your penis is well lubricated. It is not enough that she is because the mucus may not be adequately distributed around the opening. Have some lubricant handy and use it on the shaft and Glans.
If the hymen is intact there may or may not be a twinge of pain and some blood. Place a towel under her. [/COLOR]
it also does not help that every time she tells me to stop i start to lose my erection.
[COLOR="Blue">The weakening of your erection can be caused by anxiety; however, in this case it is probably do to the pressure applied to the shaft and the root structure inside the abdomen. Again, don't let this get to you. Understand what is happening and that it often happens in first time situations. If you loose an erection, pause and rebuild it then continue on.[/COLOR]
im trying to be as caring and go as slow as she needs but i cant even get it part of the way in before it hurts too bad.
[COLOR="Blue">Going slow is good. You are also a wise and considerate lover to help her have a climax beforehand.
[/COLOR]
i asked her if i could eat her out but she thinks that oral sex is disgusting and will not let me. she is 20 and i am 21 this is really starting to cause problems in our relationship, i told her that its not a big deal but it is really starting to stress us out.
[COLOR="Blue">While there can be religious and/or moral connotations to her position on oral sex, it most likely is that she is not yet comfortable with her body and maybe your level of present intimacy. If this is to happen, make sure you both have bathed recently.
The only real problem is if she will stimulate you orally and not permit you to reciprocate. If this happens, then the two of you really need to discuss the matter and she needs to learn more about all this. A great majority of couples engage in oral stimulation so it is narrow minded to think this is all bad. Give her some time and space to mature and become more comfortable with her sexuality.[/COLOR]
she said to me that she wants to have sex with me and i want to do it for her, but this is so frustrating. any ideas?[/QUOTE]
Begin at the beginning by looking at the Index and reading most of the articles it lists. The two of you can both broaden your scope of knowledge and technique. Read together or separately and then discuss it all.
--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics
If penetration continues to be a problem, there are two additional steps she can take. The first is to spend several days stretching the vaginal opening and the hymen by sitting is a bathtub filled with very warm water--no soap or bubble bath. She should insert a finger and tug against the opening in each of the four quadrants holding the tension for several moments before moving to the next. If the hymen is intact she can tug against it also. After several days she should be able to insert two fingers. These can be one from each hand or two from the same hand. She should then tug in opposition.
The second approach is to visit her doctor. This is strongly recommended for any woman about to have intercourse for the first time. If there is a problem it can be addressed at this time and she can also ask any questions of concern to her.
If you have additional questions or concerns feel free to ask.
thank you so much you have been infinitely helpful, how do i go about coaxing her to be on top? she does not want to be on top, i dont know if she is scared or just uncomfortable, and when i ask she just says no
Are you certain that she really wants a sexual relationship?
i asked her and she said that this is what she wants.
It is ALWAYS "my girlfriend and I" - you always put the OTHER person FIRST. Got it?
Now then - just do what she feels comfortable doing. As you move along, she'll become more relaxed and will want to try different things. Just follow her lead and all will be well.
Condoms and BCPs are MANDATORY.