I'm 19 and I want to have sex with my boyfriend. trouble is, i think i get too nervous about the pain and i can feel myself tighten up down there when i think of something maknig its way into me. We've done a lot of foreplay and everything except actual sex for over a year, and he's been an absolute darling about waiting patiently until i was sure i wanted it (he even says he'll use a condom and doesnt want me to take pills and stuff that'll affect my body even the slightest bit :) ). over months, he's worked worked one finger into me without trouble (i trust his fingers inside me more than i trust my own now) and a coupla times we've experimented and tried to 'put it in' but it just hurt a lot and my muscles were clamping shut and even if i wanted them to open up, they wouldnt. its not like my boy is "huge", he's average, but it still seems like enar impossible to get him inside me...
Now i am ready for it and really want to do it but i'm still scared about the pain. (I have terrible periods pain and thats probably why i the thought of being hurt there scares me)
I also want to be prepared for anything that may happen after the first time like the pain/bleeding. the thing is, where i live, people arent very open to premarital sex so i cant talk to people/doctors and no counsellors either (not to mention my parents will skin me alive and have me for dinner if they came to know, even if they're veggies) to make things worse, we dont get commercial lubricants like KY jelly and stuff, so i'd like to know if theres anything else thats safe to use, like vaseline?
i feel bad about it because i love my boy to death and beyond and he's always put my comfort first in all this. i so badly want to have sex with him, and i feel stupid that i just cant seem to get over the thought of it hurting. and it makes me feel guilty that he's being so nice and patient all the time and it'll all be for nothing...
if anyone can give me some advice, i'd be very grateful, this means a hell of a lot to me...
Tue, 12/12/2006 - 19:28
#1
First time... scared and too tight?
hey...omg the same thing is happening for my girl friend, and she really wants to as well and she tells me shes ready but everytime we try we just cant do it because her muscles become really tight and it hurts her alot. She has quite a petite build as well. I mean i have fingered her before but when it comes to actually having sex she is really scared of the pain and so she tightens up. I mean i will wait for her and give her as long as she needs but i would just like to as for any advice as well, becaus maybe i could help her.
Y don't u get KY etc? Dont use vaseline as it rots condoms. I would say be patient and just try loads of foreplay and try more fingering to help relax the muscles. make sure when you try that your in a place where you won't be disturbed. If after awhile you still can't mayb go to the docs just to check nothing is wrong although most people say you should anyway if your sexually active. Back to the lube question i wouldnt try have sex for the first time without it as it makes a hell of a difference. They do make condoms with added lube though. Prob not alot of help but i know how you are feeling. Plus usually the pain isnt as bad as you expect. If you have such bad period pains have u been 2 docs?
yeah i've been to the docs for my periods pain and i'm taking a truck load of pain killers (orally and up my ass)...
i live in india and for some reason the pharmacists have never heard of KY jelly and the likes, so i cant seem to get my hands on any commercial lubes. i guess i should be thankful they sell condoms at least!! until now, we've been making do with heavy foreplay and both our salivas (makes it more intimate too :)) but i suppose i'll need more than that for actual sex.
all in all one thing i can say for sure is, since we havent been able to have sex, we've gotten enough and more practice with foreplay and know every inch of each others body by heart now :-D
Could u not order it off the net? just a thought i duno if would be possible. Its what i do sometimes