Read through many posts here. It takes practice and finding the spot is not an exact science. Usually you have to guide him until your comfortable w/the other.

Protection you need to look at SERIOUSLY read here all the info and whys FIRST.

Religion--well, as a Catholic I believe sex with a man I am married to is awesome & special. Marriage does not play the factor for me since you make poor choices due to hormones regarding needing to/ wanting to marry.

Make your own choices & do not allow a religion to dictate what you do since you live with your choices. Too often people wait and marry just to find they are not sexually compatible over time.

From your post; I would be reading about BC, ready for sex?, and the basics of how to...if you do not act upon it then you have the information for later. If you do you are well informed.

[quote=tkm_lexis;211289]As far as protection..he doesn't know it...but I'm on birth control. I've been on it for atleast 2-3 years, for period reasons and complications. I've tried to wean off of it only to have more comlications from my period...so I'm protected most definently....

But religion is important to us and our family...and we don't want to disspoint our families or ourselves..and I'm scared if we have sex we'll wind up dissapointing each other or beign so ashamed that we end our realtionship...quite frankly I'm jsut scared of the aftermath...sex I figure is awesome...but the effects afterwards...worry me...[/quote]The after effects can carry through to marriage as well from a psychological point of view.

As far a BCP--they do fail. Read through Birth Control failure rates. Also if you believe you will marry this man and are this intimate; why are you not telling him you are on the pill?

I think before you do anything, you need to read and really think about your choices...

One issue is how do you handle being married and not wanting sex? He does and you don't? Or the other way around. That is the ultimate in failure & parental influence should not enter the picture. It's your life. Will you ask your mom &dad how to handle money b/c you do not wish to disappoint them? Have children when they tell you to? Why is this any different. YOU have to do what is right for YOU. NO one else.

Okay look. Dont let religion dictate how you live your life. I was raised catholic, my mom is very catholic, and Im not looked down on for having premarital sex. I mean hey, its your body, your life, and if you wanna have sex, get a tattoo or get **** faced drunk every night go ahead and do it.

If it is easier to lie to your boyfriend, or he is just that thick headed, he has problems.

There is nothing wrong with fingering or oral, I mean some people dont like it, but hey you never know. I guess, dont knock it till you try it. I didnt like the idea of going down on girls (even when I tried it it was gross) but then I did it with my current girlfriend and wow I love it. She thought the idea was gross as well she still tried it, she doesnt mind it, it just seemed gross.

I can see where people who are clueless would "assume" that a girl on BC is loose....but YOU know the truth and I would hope he would understand the medical necessity of it.

My observation was that in the midst of him "trying" to find your vaginal opening...was he wearing a condom???
B/c in your mind... you are thinking... OK we are safe... Im on the pill.
What was going on in his mind? He has no clue you are on the pill....and yet was rubbing his penis on your vagina....which precum can contain sperm... so that was risky... or what if he got REALLY excited and ejaculated on your vagina?!? Risky as well.

You guys could always try dry humping....and yea are limited if you aren't into oral... but fingering and HJs can be fun too lol

You dont need to explain yourself. I mean hey. Were on a website about sex. We KNOW what those urges are about.

You should always plan on the unexpected though. I mean would you rather have a box of condoms and stay virgins till marriage? Or would you rather not and have unprotected sex unexpectedly?

Oral sex was not appealing to me at first, but now it is something I really enjoy both giving and receiving - I think you will find it's worth trying. Keep an open mind and just experiment with what feels good to you and to him. You can also explore a little more with fingering/handjobs. Try stroking him in different ways, caressing/massaging each other's bodies, licking, etc.

OMG - and they wonder why I say virginity is a handicap? Here these two are almost 18 and "adults" yet all I hear is the whining of a CHILD. "I don't want him to think any less of me"" "I don't want to disappoint my family" As you have just now experienced, virginity = ignorance. Since when is ignorance a gift?

YOU VALUE AS A HUMAN BEING DOES NOT LIE BETWEEN YOUR LEGS.

You ask "how can I be of use to him?" Wrong attitude. You are not here to be used. You are here to become the person you were meant to be and that requires you to stop being a child about ALL aspects of your life.

I strongly encourage you to get yourself into college on the other side of the country as fast as you possibly can. Gain some independence. Lose the virginity. And put your efforts into educating your brain and building an individual 'self-actualized' life for yourself. If college is not an option, then get yourself into the military.

As for people thinking less of you for not adhering to the prevailing code, people only think less of you when YOU think less of yourself. Now grow up and get on with your life. You do not NEED to tell him anything you do not wish to tell him. You are not some child of 13 'hearts and flowers la la la' - you need to grow a spiine.

I'm hearing that you just lost control and it almost happened but then you stopped it. On one level, good for you, and he SHOULD be proud (and so am I) that you stood your ground. On another level, Boy Scout pledge time, be prepared. In case you lose control again and don't decide to stop it this time.

And there's nothing at all wrong with that if it happens. I mean NOTHING. I lost my V at 28 b/c I wanted to wait till marriage too. Then one day we were playing around and I wanted it so bad and just said get a condom. It felt right and it was on my terms, and I don't regret it in the slightest.

And I go to church every Sunday, I'm on the board, my mom's board chair. Hun, it's OK. My question is, why does a piece of paper, 'repeat after me', and a band of gold suddenly change a sin to not a sin? As long as you do it smart, do what feels right to you.

As far as telling him or not, I'd echo the previous post that he should be able to understand the medical necessity. If I were in your place and he didn't, or he thought any less of me, I'd wonder if he was who I thought he was and if he was worth it.

Ok so he has no clue you are on BC pills but was about to have sex w/ you w/out a condom?
To him.... he was going w/out ANY protection?!?

I mean you just have to decide what YOU want to do.... if your beliefs are that strong...then don't let hormones take over your BRAIN!!!!!

Still, there are things you can do and still be a virgin...and no anal sex isn't one of them.. to me that's more personal that vaginal sex!

Guess she hasn't come up for air yet!!

If you are going to indulge in adult play, you should be adult about it.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;211761]If you are going to indulge in adult play, you should be adult about it.[/QUOTE]

I will add to this sage advise by suggesting that you read all the articles listed in the Index and then put into practice the information presented in the many how-to ones. Learn how to love and make love. It's not all about rushing to connect P with V! I have written several times that as great as intercourse is, it is not as intense physically as is oral and/or a hand job. Intercourse is mostly about satisfying the psyche; so, while I understand the initial curiosity, it is really important to pay plenty of attention and time to Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting, all before moving on to Foreplay. Learn well these important aspects of arousing each other and demonstrating the love you have, first and foremost.

You can have as much or more fun and feel as close from all this fooling around--and get him more highly aroused.

As for oral sex or giving him a hand job or him fingering you, I think you need to mature into this. There is nothing dirty about the penis, clitoris, testicles and scrotum, vagina, labia, etc. These are just more parts of a nice body. If your body and his are freshly bathed, there is no reason not to engage in oral stimulation. I would not perform oral sex if my partner did not recently bathe. Learn more about this before dismissing it. If it wasn't an OK thing to do, if it was not so popular and in demand, why do you think so much is written about it? Look around, do a search, and gather information to base your decision rather than on ignorance or misconceptions.

[quote=tkm_lexis;211965]Last night, he and I got caught up in it all again...This time he maanged to enter me just barely...it hurt me way too much. I felt liek crying and then he felt bad like I did last week and stopped. Honestly we've determined that we just aren't ready.

BUT...again he had no condom and I'm on the pill...would it be okay if I stopp taking my pill long enough to have a period as reassurance to myself that I'm not pregnant...I take seasonale...so I only have a period every 3 months..and I'm still like a month and half away.[/quote]I really believe you need to speak frankly with your physician and get some education; not from asking people on a board. The rate you are going you are asking for trouble. As EEK states; if you wish to engage is adult behavior then you need to start acting like one and accept the consequences of your actions.

BUY SOME CONDOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean you think your not ready? Why? Because it hurt. It could mean a number of things. I mean me and my friend were sparring last night. I got punched in the side of the neck and it hurt. Does it mean I wasnt ready. No it just means thats how it was. (sorry bad example)

You really need to stop trying to have sex without a condom. Yes you may not intentionally be trying but you know what happens and yet you dont do anything.

[QUOTE=Ducy;211977]I mean me and my friend were sparring last night. I got punched in the side of the neck and it hurt. Does it mean I wasnt ready. No it just means thats how it was. (sorry bad example)[/QUOTE]

I thought it was an excellent example!! Freakin hilarious too!!!

I could be drawing off stereotypes, but it sounds to me like you and your soon-to-be lover are in a small town. I only guess this, because I was raised in a relatively small town as well. I know how big a deal your public image is in these areas, and how big a role Christianity plays in your day-to-day affairs. Here's the thing though: You need to worry less about your image and learn to protect yourself. Listen to Sera, EEK, Ducy, Doc, and all these other fine, upstanding members and go get advice and information from a physician who is willing to discuss such things with you. Buy condoms (Or better yet, have your boyfriend buy them, because he should contribute to the "protection pool". He needs to pull his share of the weight.), tell your bf about your BC, and communicate with your partner about what you want/how to do it properly. In regards to the pain you felt, it could be due to any nervousness you had about making love or any number of other things, but as Ducy said, odds are it's not a cause for concern unless something else happens.

Again, the two of you need to buy condoms because it's better to have them and not need them, than need them and not have them.

God Bless

The major issue is here first she used religion and remaining a virgin (he will not respect me, etc) as why its dirty.

Then, to go bareback? When BIRTHCONTROL PILLS FAIL and then wondering if to stop the pill?

Seriously, these two need to communicate, make a choice, and follow the rules. Shes take the BCP and he brings the condoms. But know what the pill does and how it works--there is a leaflet inside plus you can look it up on line. And you can still take a pregnancy test if that paranoid in 2 weeks. At the rate you two are going, someone is going to end up pregnant--you. Do you know about BCP failure rates, take as directed EXACTLY and contraindications to using it as BC if taking any other meds or supplements? If you are not engaged to be married now...learn the proper use of condoms right now. They are a must.

There is all this information available on the site...do a search and look and Brandye's & Doc's writings--PLEASE.

[QUOTE=tkm_lexis;211965]I'm on the pill...would it be okay if I stopp taking my pill long enough to have a period as reassurance to myself that I'm not pregnant...I take seasonale...so I only have a period every 3 months..and I'm still like a month and half away.[/QUOTE]

If you stop taking the pill just to verify pregnancy, which by the way you can confirm using a store bought kit, then you run the risk of actually becoming pregnant. For maximum protection, you need to be on the pill at least three cycles (one cyle prior to having sex, the cycle when sex occurs, and the cycle following). I can understand the virginal pregnancy paranoia, I once had a girlfriend who always thought that she was pregnant, when at the time we did nothing further than oral.

Is you boyfriend a larger guy (all around, not just 'down there')? As a larger guy myself, I will find that the excess gut makes it more difficult to direct or reach down to adjust.

There are plenty of pleasures to feel aside from having sex. Me and my first steady girlfriend were virgins for over two years, and we found plenty of ways. The key is to be open minded about things to do. Too often young adolescents believe that regular old intercourse is the only way. I'm not saying FORCE yourself to do/enjoy, just try and get over that mental 'ick-factor' block.

[quote=machine_rat;212001]If you stop taking the pill just to verify pregnancy, which by the way you can confirm using a store bought kit, then you run the risk of actually becoming pregnant. For maximum protection, you need to be on the pill at least three cycles (one cyle prior to having sex, the cycle when sex occurs, and the cycle following). I can understand the virginal pregnancy paranoia, I once had a girlfriend who always thought that she was pregnant, when at the time we did nothing further than oral.

Is you boyfriend a larger guy (all around, not just 'down there')? As a larger guy myself, I will find that the excess gut makes it more difficult to direct or reach down to adjust.

There are plenty of pleasures to feel aside from having sex. Me and my first steady girlfriend were virgins for over two years, and we found plenty of ways. The key is to be open minded about things to do. Too often young adolescents believe that regular old intercourse is the only way. I'm not saying FORCE yourself to do/enjoy, just try and get over that mental 'ick-factor' block.[/quote]It's more than ick...look at the first post last weekend. RELIGION.

[QUOTE=sera300;211999] At the rate you two are going, someone is going to end up pregnant--you. [/QUOTE]

I hope its only her sera...I would hate for him to become pregnant lol

I am completely out of patience with this girl.
SHE DOES NOT LISTEN. SHE DOES NOT LEARN.
SHE REFUSES TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY.

Girl, you have NO business even being out of the house.

And this boyfriend of yours should be dropped immediately. Once not being prepared -okay but TWICE? No. He's slacking and you are permitting him to slack. A pair of total losers.

NO, you should not stop taking the pill! That only puts you at much greater risk if you guys end up fooling around without a condom again! If you suddently discontinue you could end up with your cycles all messed up for several months. Take a pregnancy test, it is much more acurate than messing around with your BC.

He doesn't know you're on birth control, but has never wondered why you only have a period every three months???

My question is that he doesn't know she is on the BC pill and yet continues to "barely" stick it in her.
As far as he knows...they are doing ALL of this completely unprotected!!!!!

I mean you can get around someone not realizing when your period is. Some girls naturally only have one for a few days...and they just recently became sexually active just to the point of fingering.... so he's not "down there" on a consistent basis.

.. Whatever happened to this girl?

She finally bought condoms, had sex and realized that it was tooooooo good to wait for marriage! Once again, a sexaholic created by religion and oppresion

[QUOTE=Ducy;212209]She finally bought condoms, had sex and realized that it was tooooooo good to wait for marriage! Once again, a sexaholic created by religion and oppresion[/QUOTE]

LOL
Maybe soon she'll come up for air and give us an update :)

[quote=tkm_lexis;212513]Not funny =/ No I've just decided that I'm not emotionally or maturely ready for any of it...so I talked to him and agreed to stop everything. It's better than winding up pregnant or anything of that nature especially at this age. I'm not ready and nor is he.[/quote]
You make your choices, ultimately it's your body, and any failure rates or unintended consequences you have to be prepared to live with, as does he. When you do feel such time is right; know all there is to be safe. Good luck.

[QUOTE=tkm_lexis;212513]Not funny =/ No I've just decided that I'm not emotionally or maturely ready for any of it...so I talked to him and agreed to stop everything. It's better than winding up pregnant or anything of that nature especially at this age. I'm not ready and nor is he.[/QUOTE]

Ultimately, I think you made the right decision... for now. Good for you. Don't get carried away anymore. Be careful.

[QUOTE=tkm_lexis;212513]Not funny =/[/QUOTE]

You know its funny...

Im not even going to say anything about the pregnancy

And herein we see some of the problems of various ideas. It's a good thing that no one decided we should be ashamed of other bodily functions otherwise we'd all be in a whole world of trouble. Imagine being incredibly ashamed every time you had to go pee or poo.

Lordy, what a world!!!!

LMAO reminds me of family guy when chris grandpa thinks hes masturbating in the bathroom (when chris is just defecating) So he goes like 2 weeks without using the bathroom.

The whole not using a condom thing seems to be a cop out of sorts. What I mean is that when certain people are ashamed to be doing anything sexual, they look for excuses for their actions. Like not purchasing condoms allows them to absolved of 'premeditation'. When sex is allowed to pop up unprocteted, it's much easier to claim that it was 'just a mistake'... and easier to ask for forgiveness for.

Precisely, machine rat. Running away from responsibility, which never does any good, it can outrun you easily!