Welcome to the forum,
Fantasizing is great to act upon. the idea of hurting her is the factor in all this. If she likes to be submisssive she will let you know how and what she wants. Ask her how far you want yourself to go with her. Safe code to be exact. If she is really hurting she must let you know. I love to fantasize, and it's so sexy to do and talk about, just be careful, Also go for it. There are plenty of girls such as a me love to be dominated but not to the point where rape becomes the issue. she has to tell you yes or no. I had a guy choke me once while we were having sex because I told him it was ok, if he hurt me I would have let him know more like me using my feet to push him off. enjoy your new relationship and Have fun with being dominant, check out the other forums too.

Welcome to the forum November's Storms.
You can begin by reading this:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/other-sex-topics/29401-bdsm-101-bondage-...

If you have discussed this with her already and she is agreeable that is the first step. Apart from the info in the BDSM 101 post the best information I can give to a beginner is go slow! Since it is new to both of you I suggest you have a talk about what you both might like to try out the first time.

It doesn't have to involve pain or hurting. Not all Bondage and Discipline or Domination and submission is about pain; often as not it isn't about pain at all. In fact many people practice Sadism and masochism that isn't really about pain. Being flogged with a soft elkskin flogger sounds and looks more painful than it really is. While teh rabbit skin flogger makes a lot of noise if swung hard you have to really try to actually hurt someone with one.

You used the words dominance and submissive. For a domination and submission scene you might consider playing Master/slave, Teacher/student,Boss/employee, or Captor/captive. In these scenarios she can be submissive by simply being "obediant" to your "commands" or face a "punishment." Now if she is submissive she is going to be obedient and there will be no need to punish her. If you agree beforehand that there might be some physical discipline involved - go easy at first. You can whip he with an old necktie or the sash from a bath robe. If you want something more intense try hand spanking - a cupped hand with very little force will make a nice "pop!" and doesn't hurt so much, later you can move up to rulers, belts, canes, whips or whatever you are into if you both enjoy it. Never strike at the face and avoid striking the area around the kidneys, the vertabrae or any joints.

If bondage is what you want to try (bindage would be a more exact word) you should also go easy at first! It's not necessary to have a lot of equipment or know a lot about knots for your first bondage scene. Get some of those cheap plastic handcuffs sold at stores like Spencer's and Hot Topic. If you want to tie use soft cotton rope, or the soft polypropylene rope found in the evil Wmart, but for the first time you can use old neckties (again), bathrobe sashes (again) or other articles easliy found around the house. It doesn't have to be tight and in fact simply wrapping then tucking the ends under the wrap is preferable to actual tying because it's safer and easier to undo. If a gag is to be used just tie a bandana over her mouth. Never put something over or inside a person's mouth that could lead to choking or smothering. If you both find this to be fun then you can go invest in nice leather cuffs, preferable to plastic or metal, or you can get fancy bondage rope.

Your question is very general. If you have a more specific question feel free to ask it and I will gladly try and help.
Meanwhile I recommend the following site:
[url=http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html]Xeromag | BDSM? What's with this bondage/sadomasochism stuff anyway?
the book S&M 101a Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman.
[url=http://jaywiseman.com/books.php]Jay Wiseman

One more thing: Kink is to sex as spices are to food. All the spice in the world is not going to make a tasty dish if the cook doesn't know the basics of cooking. Make sure you have mastered the basics of good sex before you try to do anything fancy.

very true indeed, my apologies for the idea that dominance is about pain though alil bit of commanding and aggression, to an extent helps to be dominant. But yes take it slow.

How fussy & elaborate!

BTW this question has been asked and answered many times before. Read around the forum.

A leash, a pair of handcuffs - attach leash to cuffs, cuff up your naked wife - voila! Instant d/s. Do with her as you would.

Only three "rules' (and dlb will not agree with this): 1. NEVER leave her alone while bound; 2. NEVER bind for more than 45 minutes at a time and 3. ALWAYS use a 'safe word' and release her without question or delay when she uses it.

BTW - I NEVER employ pain, abuse or humiliation but yes, I am a dominatrix. Big strong men who could break me in two without breathing hard willingly submit to doing whatever I (the not-so-nice lady) want because the rewards of doing so are HUGE.

Compliance = sex and pleasure
Non-compliance = being ignored

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;274306]
Only three "rules' (and dlb will not agree with this): 1. NEVER leave her alone while bound; 2. NEVER bind for more than 45 minutes at a time and 3. ALWAYS use a 'safe word' and release her without question or delay when she uses it.
[/QUOTE]

1. NEVER leave her alone while bound I agree completely
2. NEVER bind for more than 45 minutes at a time There is no moral or legal minimum or maximum time. The only issue here is safety and comfort 45 minutes is a long time for the body or part of the body to remain immobilized and 30-45 min. is a good amount of time for bindage play.
3. ALWAYS use a 'safe word' and release her without question or delay when she uses it. safe words come in handy for hard discipline role play and even S&M.The most common safe word is RED. Most people who do bondage for the enjoyment of being bound or binding don't use safe words because they aren't necessary within the context.

Nice, EEK, very well said. Your a beast. lol not literally.

I shall be more precise.

I use 45 minutes as the MAXIMUM because after that time, you open yourself to litigation for felony kidnapping. Research has also indicated that psychological harm can be expected after 45 minutes but the amount of harm will vary from person to person. This possibility of harm is also why you never leave a bound person alone.

The 45 minutes breaks down into 15 minutes of teasing while binding, 15 minutes of outercourse and 15 minutes of intercourse, generally speaking.

I do not tie men into pretzels and lying down on a bed, usually their bed, isn't a difficult position for a man to maintain. In my sort of bondage, ANY discomfort would distract him so I eliminate it. Even so, I do use safe words since most of my men are older and not in the best of physical condition. I can't read his mind nor can I 'see' what's going to go 'wrong' with them and I do not have a defib nearby.

In addition to safe words, I also use quick release snap catches and his bonds are arranged so he can release himself easily at any time.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;274335]I shall be more precise.

I use 45 minutes as the MAXIMUM because after that time, you open yourself to litigation for felony kidnapping. Research has also indicated that psychological harm can be expected after 45 minutes but the amount of harm will vary from person to person. This possibility of harm is also why you never leave a bound person alone...
In addition to safe words, I also use quick release snap catches and his bonds are arranged so he can release himself easily at any time.[/QUOTE]

Even one minute of nonconsensual captivity may be considered kidnapping. There is no law on the books in any country or state with a 45 minute stipulation.

I would love to see you reference the research which shows that 45 minutes of consensual erotic bondage causes psychological damage. How about a weblink?

Quick release devices are great for both mechanical and rope bondage. In rope bondage riggers usecarabiners in suspension work because in case something goes awry we can get the bottom down quickly and safety is our first concern.

Safe words are good in role play scenarios in which the bottom might be expected to ask,beg or demand release. Not all bondage is about captive situations. Many bottoms reach total body orgasm from the touch of the "restraints." People like this don't need a safe word. There are styles of binding which allow people to walk about freely and don't exert any sort of stress on the body or mind.

If the purpose of the bondage scene is because someone enjoys being cuffed and shackled, caged, or wrapped in rope or other materials why would you need a safeword? Simply saying, "hey, I'm in trouble" or "I need out now!" is much more efficient. That is why many bondage people don't use a safe word.

What people, especially newbies, have to realize is that this is a game. It is not real slavery or captivity and no one is really a master or mistress or victim or slave or submissive. people who end up having psychological problems are those who do not separate fantasy from reality. Similar to the kids who would disappear in the 1980s because they were so deeply involved in playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Play sexy, play dirty, play safe

Exactly - so why are you going after me when all I am doing is making this play SAFER than not? Especially for NEWBIES. The Black Rose holds to 45 minutes as well and not because I said so.

And consent may be withdrawn at any time but not everyone pays sufficient attention. Knowing there is a time limit removes anxiety.

[url=http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Kidnapping]kidnapping legal definition of kidnapping. kidnapping synonyms by the Free Online Law Dictionary.

YOU may not be an "a^& in a black vest", dlb, but I can tell you there are plenty of them out there marketing themselves as dominants. Which is why the Black Rose here in DC holds classes in the subject.

Also, people tend to "run before they can walk" esp when it comes to sex.

Feeling a little paranoid today EvilEvilKitten? Black Rose is a very well respected local BDSM community. They have a weekly munch and weekly educational workshops. I advise anyone who wants to go past basic bedroom BDSM as well as beginners who want a better understanding of the basics to find their local or regional groups and take advantage of the offerings. There are some very well known peeople in the bondage cummunity in Black Rose and they often invite internationally known bondage instructors to their Saturday events. If you shopuld visit they can clear up your doubts and concerns.
I also advise reading my original post in this thread and visiting the links provided.

Yes, I know all about Black Rose, ty, and no, I'm not being paranoid.
I've given you my reasons why I use the methods etc that I use and why, yet you continue to say/imply - "do not listen to her."

I'm wondering why you feel it necessary to do that.

There are many styles of play and my style is just as legit as anyone else's and since it emphasizes safety, including the possiblity of getting blindsided by a disgruntled past lover who may wish to sue you, it is highly appropriate for beginners, other than this OP, who may read this post.

<--not blonde thus far more evil than Charo

<---evily chuckling but softly so others reading over Firmus' shoulder cannot hear

[QUOTE=g-dubz;278095]Firmus, why are you even on here at work anyway??[/QUOTE]

Sssshh! :)

And EEK, just don't chuckle too close to my ear. Just like Charo you'll give me bumps all over my goose. ;)

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;278091]
Beside what man wouldn't want to lick my ankles and slowly work his way 'north'?[/QUOTE]

Would you cut it out!?! I'm trying to pretend to work here, and it's "hard" to do that when I read your comments.

I have my stern face on too. ;)

Firmus, why are you even on here at work anyway??

I am a full time dominatrix - there is "extended scenario"
Beside what man wouldn't want to lick my ankles and slowly work his way 'north'?

It is all in the attitude - even if she does trip over the leash afterwards. LOL
I think he's still laughing.

LOL

Make me a sandwich? Beware extra horseradish!

The problem with role-playing scenarios is the amount of WORK that goes into scripting them. You have to spell out each and every detail as in what kind of a sandwich? mayo or mustard? cut in half or quarters? lettuce? and do you actually have all of those ingredients and what is she to do if you don't? Is she supposed to balance the snadwich on a plate on her back as she crawls back to the bedroo with your sandwich? And what about a glass of milk to go with it? or does she clench the bottlecap of a beer in her teeth?

This is my issue with guys - too damn elaborate because they've fantasized for so long and they've kept adding details each time they run the fantasy in their heads.

Just tie one wrist to the headbord and have at it - it will be enough - trust me. I'm the dominatrix who can make big strong men quake w desire and fear just by the look of unbridled passion in my eyes.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;278048]LOL

Make me a sandwich? Beware extra horseradish!

The problem with role-playing scenarios is the amount of WORK that goes into scripting them. You have to spell out each and every detail as in what kind of a sandwich? mayo or mustard? cut in half or quarters? lettuce? and do you actually have all of those ingredients and what is she to do if you don't? Is she supposed to balance the snadwich on a plate on her back as she crawls back to the bedroo with your sandwich? And what about a glass of milk to go with it? or does she clench the bottlecap of a beer in her teeth?

This is my issue with guys - too damn elaborate because they've fantasized for so long and they've kept adding details each time they run the fantasy in their heads.

Just tie one wrist to the headbord and have at it - it will be enough - trust me. I'm the dominatrix who can make big strong men quake w desire and fear just by the look of unbridled passion in my eyes.[/QUOTE]

ROFL Yeah probably was a little to elaborate in my explanation but better to cover everything then miss something someone was wondering about. This account is actually both myself and my girlfriends and some of the stuff I listed were things we're into. So yeah simple Dom/Sub can be what you were talking about, we're just into the more extended type scenarios.

Okies since this thread seems to have devolved into a legal dispute I think jumping back to the original post is in order.

[QUOTE=November's Storms;274258]This is my very first post in this forum, happy to be here!
So excuse me if there is a better place for this thread.

I've recently started a new relationship with a very sexy and nice girl. One of my biggest fantasies is to engage in bondage and dominance, with me being in charge of her. She's told me she finds the idea very sexy and wants to be the submissive one, which is great. Only thing is though the gap between fantasy and reality seems very wide right now.

Any tips on making those first moves into that sorta stuff? Surely there's a website (not porno) that can educate/advise?[/QUOTE]

Ok now that we've reread that. November, Dom/Sub, Bondage, S&M play can all be fun and intimate. Depending on the person just the activities themselves can be orgasmic, just remember everything needs to be done in a planned, safe, and consensual manner.

First off for a beginner in Bondage DO NOT use rope, rope takes practice and instruction to use safely, stick with cuffs, and at the most bodytape and do not try anything that contorts her until you both have learned how to do that safely. I know most sexshops that sell Bondage gear have someone on staff that knows the ins and outs of using it safely.

Second, Dom/Sub, Dom/Sub is at its simplest creating a master/servant type roleplay. It can be a simple as one person giving orders such as "Bring me a sandwich" and the other person following the orders, or it can be the more intense type such as leading the person around on a leash, making them wear specific clothes or requiring them to get permission to do certain activities (Ex. Using the restroom, going outdoors, or even having to ask the Dom to have sex with them)
The level of Dom/Sub play you do is really up to you two. Some people like more then others and will allow it to have more or less of a scope of control.

Third, S&M, S&M simply is the use of pain for inducing pleasure, and can be as simple as spanking someone during sex to get them more turned on. Or it can be the extreme acts found on some websites involving Fire, Knives, Needles, Whips etc. Most people aren't going to be into that level of S&M. So before doing anything that could inflict pain you'll need to talk about what is allowed or not allowed. Also remember to listen to your partner and make sure he/she is enjoying what you're doing and stop if they ask you to since if you don't well then we get into the legal issues that the previous posters were discussing.