My wife and I up until last night had engaged in some real light playful bondage experiences, over our 10 years together (7 married) ... this has happened maybe 3 - 4 times and simply involved tying her up (usually just arms to head board) and me teasing her a little bit, going down on her (arms tied), then fucking her. Pretty harmless, wholesome stuff really. It's always been a successful little twist on things to keep us both from getting a little bored I guess.
I always felt like .. at some point, I'll try some more "intense" stuff. I apologize in advance if this is too graphic?
Last night we upped the ante. I left her a note on our bed with stockings, a garter and a black thong that I bought layed out, that said "take your clothes off, put these on and lay on the bed on your stomach .. put your hands behind you back, I'll be up in 10 minutes".
When I walked in the room she looked so flippin hot, I cannot get the image out of my mind. She had a very happy look on her face when I came in (this was a huge relief .. because this was way out of character .. it was a bit of a risk on my part).
Anyways .. right away, I kind of went into a "dominant" character (I've never talked so dirty in all my life), calling her a slave. I quickly tied up her hands with bondage tape (not behind her back . I had her put her hands up over her head) .. Then I basically told her she was gonna have a ball gag shoved in her mouth, and then went ahead and did that.
After that I made her get up on her knees, I pulled her thong down and started running my fingers lightly up, down and around her ass cheeks asking her if she like how that felt on her ass. She loved it.
Then I pulled out a whip and started very softly and slowly running the tail up right along her asshole. Next thing you know I'm burying my tongue in there while massaging her clit with my hand and she's going crazy (while ball-gagged). She def. loved this .. so did I!
I guess I could go on and on with a graphic account of how and what I did to my wife, but I'm not sure this is the time and place? I spanked her .. I whipped her, I put clips on her nipples, I fucked her, I talked really dirty to her .. that's the short version I guess.
Anyways ... I've never been so turned on in all my life. I loved it. I've been thinking about this all day and getting rock hard everytime I do (I'm a little worried I stumbled onto some sort fetish).
My wife seemed to really enjoy it as well .. at one point telling me "Your a good master". When she said that .. I pretty much knew I was blowin my load in a matter of seconds, point of no return had been reached.
So we both had a good time .. my question is .. how long should I wait before planning another "session" with my wife?
We probably only have sex once every 10 days or so .. I'm in grad school and we have two young kids and we both work full-time .. we are busy.
I def. got the feeling she'd like to do it again .. but I'm not sure if the thrill of being made a sub/slave was a turn on for her, or was it simply the fact that it was sooo out of left field, that it was exciting on that level.
Basically I think I'm realizing that this is something I'd like to do semi-regularly .. maybe once a month or so (who knows .. maybe more). I'm also realizing/worrying that the more we do this sort of thing, the more that I'm gonna want this. This turn on was powerful for me, I feel like I need help gauging whether or not she's got as much out of it as I did .. from a mind fuck standpoint I guess - as opposed to the more "mechanical sessions" we've had in the past.
I guess another thing I'm worrying about is from a girls perspective.. is this normal, not neccessarily trying it, but getting so much satisfaction out of it .. would love to hear from ladies on this.
First off congratulations! This is what B&D and S&M should be- better, more interesting, satisfying sex for everyone involved!
I am not a woman so I cannot tell you what a woman feels in this sort of situation. It doesn't matter that much at this point what anyone else thinks about this, male or female. What is important is how you and you wife feel about it. From what you report I would say she likes this very much.
You and she need to talk about what you would like to try, and how often you would like to participate in this sort of sex. Every relationship, every marriage is as different as one person from another. The frequency with which other people have kinky sex should have no bearing on how often you and your wife do.
Take a look at this site. Read it carefully. There are hardly any general BDSM sites that I recommend. This is one that I think is right for you at this time.
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html
If bondage is what you like specifically you should still read the first site then see this one for some well founded rope and tying basics
I hope this helps. Enjoy.
BTW. Our professional and social schedules don't always leave us enough time for sex as often as we would like either-and our B&D is also for variety. Sometimes we have a little B&D teasing action daily sometimes we go a week without it. Sometimes we do extreme bondage, sometimes we do mild to moderate once a week , sometimes once a month. Again, you have to find your own rhythm.
http://www.bdsm-chicago.com/cram/CRAM_tuts.html
Interesting. Two points.
#1
"I def. got the feeling she'd like to do it again .. but I'm not sure if the thrill of being made a sub/slave was a turn on for her, or was it simply the fact that it was sooo out of left field, that it was exciting on that level. "
Meaning you did NOT discuss this with her in advance and you had no "safe word". Just basicly felt like it. And this doubt is the result.
"Basically I think I'm realizing that this is something I'd like to do semi-regularly .. maybe once a month or so (who knows .. maybe more). I'm also realizing/worrying that the more we do this sort of thing, the more that I'm gonna want this. This turn on was powerful for me, I feel like I need help gauging whether or not she's got as much out of it as I did .. from a mind fuck standpoint I guess - as opposed to the more "mechanical sessions" we've had in the past."
This wasn't a mind-fuck, this was a surprise attack. Actually yes, the more you do, the more you're going to want and the further you're going to go until you two get to the point where you HAVE to do this to orgasm. Much like a drug. Congrats. Then you'll be reading scenarios and trying them out because you're consulting only yourself. No where in this He-man scenario did you invite her to reveal any facets of HER desires. It was all about you.
Communication is crucial - in advance of any play.
The sub is the one who actually holds the power in a Dom/sub relationship because at a word from the sub - all play imeddiately stops - no questions asked. IF YOU HAVE A SAFE WORD. If you don't have a safe word, then it is just abuse. She may think you're a good master, but to me, a vastly more experienced woman, you're one very irresponsible dom. Did you do any 'after care' for example? Do you know what 'after care' even is?
#2
Not to put a stop to your fun, but if you were doing sex correctly it would never get boring even without the kink. Sex as a sublte interplay of nuances and small movements becoming a conflagration of souls culminating in a reaffirmation of life itself - who could possibly ever get bored with that? And I've been married to the same man for more than 30 years. Boring? Not a chance!
BTW - put a lock on the bedroom door. You can imagine what you're kids will think if they catch you whipping Mommy.
dlb:
Did she like it? We're only hearing from him. "You're a good master" said during the scenario is pretty meaningless. Good compared to what and to whom? Previous sessions? Maybe she preferred the more "mechanical sessions". We'll never know.
No where did he write that she turned incandescent, came like a train, or exhibited any signs of overwhelming pleasure. Did she even have an orgasm? It was all he did this, and he did that. We hear all about how 'powerful' he felt - but what about her?
All she did was take it and say "ooo, baby" in effect. And all men should know by now, that women will say damn near anything while thinking something entirely different. She may have been thinking "I could have had a V-8", "There's an hour of my life I'd like to get back." or "The kids need new sneakers."
The fact that he's asking us questions at all confirms their lack of communication.
And he lied - this is NOT his first time tying up his wife and fucking her.
Actually EvilEvilKitten, what I got got out of einsteinium's post was that he and his wife have occasionally had B&D sex over the past ten years and now they turned up the intensity just a bit and ( admittedly from his point of view based on spousal feedback ) it was very good for both of them.
He twice said "she loved it/this" and and also "we both had a good time."
I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. The questions he asks are: 1)how long should I wait before planning another "session" with my wife?
2)from a girls perspective.. is this normal, not neccessarily (sic) trying it, but getting so much satisfaction out of it ..
I addressed the first. Perhaps you, as a woman, could address the second.
It is quite true that they need to talk about what she gets out of this sort of sex. Successful partners will talk about what they get out of any sort of sex because we all (should) aim to please and be pleased.
I don't think that asking questions confirms a lack of communication. Most of the original post looks to me like -Hey! look what I did! It was fantastic. Also at the end he expresses some doubts about his own normality after discovering that he gets very turned on by mildly kinky sex. I prefer to reassure him and try to steer him in the direction of communication and learning with his wife.
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;236887]dlb:
Did she like it? We're only hearing from him. "You're a good master" said during the scenario is pretty meaningless. Good compared to what and to whom? Previous sessions? Maybe she preferred the more "mechanical sessions". We'll never know.
No where did he write that she turned incandescent, came like a train, or exhibited any signs of overwhelming pleasure. Did she even have an orgasm? It was all he did this, and he did that. We hear all about how 'powerful' he felt - but what about her?
All she did was take it and say "ooo, baby" in effect. And all men should know by now, that women will say damn near anything while thinking something entirely different. She may have been thinking "I could have had a V-8", "There's an hour of my life I'd like to get back." or "The kids need new sneakers."
The fact that he's asking us questions at all confirms their lack of communication.
And he lied - this is NOT his first time tying up his wife and fucking her.[/QUOTE]
I lied!?!?
From the very first sentence of my post; "up until last night had engaged in some real light playful bondage experiences, over our 10 years together (7 married) ... this has happened maybe 3 - 4 times and simply involved tying her up (usually just arms to head board) and me teasing her a little bit, going down on her (arms tied), then fucking her."
I never claimed it was the first time I tied the wife up and had intercourse, in fact i started off my post claiming it wasn't. We've done it several time before ... WTF??
Secondly,
You are assuming A LOT .... and all of it is basically reflecting in the worst possible way towards the male. Why is that?
You assume we didn't have a safe word ... SHE WAS GAGGED. Did you miss that ..?
What I did do was tell her to simply wiggle or move her right foot if you wanted me to stop what I was doing and take the gag off. Her feet/legs were never bound.
The concept of safety was never an issue .. doing anything that she didn't want me to do was never an issue, she could have put a stop to anything she wanted at any time (just as you claimed any sub should be able to do). You assumed this wasn't the case .. what did you base that on specifically? It's hard not to feel insulted by that.
You also assumed that simply because I'm posting this account in this forum and asking .. that we didn't communicate after some previous light bondage sessions. The reality is we had talked about or had done some of everything tried .. the difference this time is it was more of a "session" from the standpoint that we both adopted "roles" .. we've never done the real master/sub stuff from a "talking" dirty standpoint. That was the only "new" piece. We did talk about it after this session, she's very receptive to this.
You expressed concern that she didn't orgasm ... She did have a strong orgasm .. from a position that she claims she ordinarily can't orgasm from (68 FWIW).
The two things I'm guilty of are:
1. Yeah ... it was a surprise attack so to speak from a "timing standpoint".
But this is my wife of 7 years .. not some chick I picked up from a bar and sprung this on .. if she wasn't in the mood, when I left her that note she easily could have been on the bed in plain clothes and said .. sorry honey, not in the mood. My wife is VERY capable of this. Like I said .. she looked as excited as I had ever seen her when I walked in the room and saw her on the bed with her hands behind her back ready to be bound.
I'll say it again ... we had talked about or had done some of everything tried.
2. Guilty as charged .. don't know what "after care" is.
We did the usual post coital cuddling .. and talked through some things, did you like that, was that a good orgasm, anything you weren't comfortable with me doing .. about the only thing we didn't talk about was scheduling the next "session". Which is why I asked in here ... one of the things she claimed to enjoy the most was the (in her words) "spontenaity".
I can't tell if you were being a smart ass with the diatribe about "eventually you won't be able to orgasm" if we keep doing these sessions. That is one of the reasons I posted this and one of my concerns ... do you know this to be true!?! Or were you just trying to hammer me for not scripting things with her first? I'd seriously like to know?
Anyone who reads this .. I'm very concerned about this, I don't want to needlessly create a fetish for myself (or my wife) .. i want to know can we do this sort of thing from time to time and not get "pulled in" so to speak?
Here's the deal .. I came on here posting a pretty personal experience and was looking for quality advice. My goal is for my wife and I to have the best possible sexual relationship .. It's pretty clear to me that you have no interest in taking many things I state in my posts at face value, you've basically assumed that I've lied despite evidence in a post to the contrary?!?!.
If you can't accept what I say as truthful absence evidence to the contrary .. I'd politely ask you to not reply to my threads in the future. I found your response insulting.
[QUOTE=einsteinium;236899]
Guilty as charged .. don't know what "after care" is.
We did the usual post coital cuddling .. and talked through some things, did you like that, was that a good orgasm, anything you weren't comfortable with me doing .. about the only thing we didn't talk about was scheduling the next "session". Which is why I asked in here ... one of the things she claimed to enjoy the most was the (in her words) "spontenaity".
Anyone who reads this .. I'm very concerned about this, I don't want to needlessly create a fetish for myself (or my wife) .. i want to know can we do this sort of thing from time to time and not get "pulled in" so to speak?
[/QUOTE]
The post coital cuddling and talking could be considered "after care." I prefer after play, but I wasn't consulted for the Official BDSM Rule Book. After care is what top and bottom -you in this case were the top- do after a scene or session. Many people consider it the top reassuring the bottom that she is a good bottom/sub/slave/etc. cuddling her physically and mentally. Also in heavier Discipline or S&M scenes there could be bruises, cuts or other lesions to be tended to by the top. Many people believe that aftercare goes both ways, that the bottom also needs to cuddle and stroke the top both physically and mentally.
I think that there is an extremely small to nil probability that either you or your wife become unable to reach orgasm by any other means because you both reach orgasm by other means! Sadism and Masochism (classification which includes Bondage and Discipline) are likely to be removed from the DSM IV in the near future as there is so little evidence to indicate that they are mental illnesses.
So relax. Enjoy a little BDSM in your sex every now and then. Many people do. I do recommend reading up on the subject and always keeping a communication line going with your wife.
What is the title of your post?
"First Bondage Experience with Wife" - was it not?
Where in your original post did you say she orgasmed?
If you do not give complete information, how do you expect a gratifying response.
Did you not ask for a woman's point of view? I read how marvelous it was for you. How powerful it made you feel. I am happy for you. But that is ALL you said. You sounded very selfish.
I am glad to hear that she did enjoy it. Excellent. Why didn't you say that?
While "fetish addiction" is more common with S/M, it can happen in B/D situations depending upon the psychology of the persons involved. What once thrilled, no longer does and so, one goes further and further - seeking the thrill that once was there. Why does one turn to kink at all? To "spice it up"? Yeah. You understand.
You will find, if you read around, that being nice and taking at face value is not my job. I do not give medical advice either. We have qualified doctors available for that. My job is to give you the unvarnished, brick upside the head if needed opinion and advice of a vastly experienced woman. Yes, I will play rough if I believe it is necessary. I am not here to pander to your ego, pat you on the head and say that's alright, or tell you fairy tales. If you appear selfish, I will use bricks. And not just with men. Women get their fair share of slams from me as well.
When it comes to serious BDSM, I rarely take it at face value. I have seen too much. Communication when playing in this realm must not only be constant but must also be effective. Too often, people rush into kink - running before they can walk as it were. Kink can become a smokescreen wherein two people hide from eachother. For example: He buys her lingerie, she looks at it, fingers the material - oh, she'll wear it and play the game because it keeps him happy and off her back - but she knows he's not "listening" to her and doesn't give a damn about who she really is and what she really wants. (Or vice versa.) The same with BDSM.
There are far too many masquerading as doms when they are little more than assholes in a black vest. So yes, I will challenge you when you say you are a dom because you hold a life between your hands.
Now that we understand each other - my advice to you is to also include more subtle interludes in your sex life. With the hard, also have soft. It is entirely possible to dominate without whips, nibble clamps, foul language and so on. The contrast between the soft and hard BDSM interludes should prove most effective.
I am a soft dominatrix of dominant men. I frequently mind-fuck dominant men in just this way. And it is the true-mind-fuck. No whips, no chains, no abuse, and no humiliation of any kind. But no orgasms unless he complies of his own free will. He is told well in advance what my plans for him are and what will be asked of him. He is given time to think about it and to decide play or not.
I do not force him. His own desires force him. I do not demand. I invite. I intrigue. I seduce him into seducing himself.
Think about it. Men spend their time seeking women, getting women to notice them, getting women into bed, pleasing women in bed, getting women to come back again. How would it feel if she sought you? How would it feel if she focused her attention on you? How would it feel if she wrapped herself around your body sliding like a serpent - a lick here, a nibble there, a caress like this over there? And all you had to do was to accept how good it all made you feel. Close your eyes and imagine how it would feel.
Now that is how one mind-fucks and does it using soft domination. Usually it takes about 4 orgasms to turn him into a quivering wreck but, if carefully managed, I can get him to last for about 4 hours straight before he disintegrates.
You should try it.