There is a way to control and/or eliminate the refractory period, and although I'm not certain of the exact mechanisms involved, I have stumbled on it. However, because I've done a lot of different things, I can't tell you what exactly it was that did it, what might have contributed, and what may have been completely extraneous to the process--sorry! Lots of Yoga techniques, however--meditation, tantric exercises, kundalini, extended arousal without release, and on and on. I am 59 years old, and while I had a sort of normal refractory period when younger, as I aged it never increased, and over the past 10 years has decreased until, at present, even after I fully climax, I can remain erect as long as I remain inside my partner. There ARE ways to develop such bodily control, but it is a lifetime pursuit.
Michael

> What I would like to do is penitrate her after I've already cum. The problem is this...once I cum... my penis is down for the count! I can last long but once I finish, there's no erection after the cum. Is there anyway to keep going and have a hard errection even after I cum. I'm 32 years old.

There is a transition period that I refer to as the "down time" that every man has after an ejaculation. Depending upon "wiring" and age, the length of time can be anywhere from ten minutes or so to half an hour or so. Older men might have a refractory period of several days.

So, do some experimenting and learn what your personal refractory period is. Once you have a time, simply continue fooling around and making out and then once this period has passed, work on rebuilding your erection. You should be able to regain an erection, and, have another orgasm or two, each with their own down time between any two.

medicate yourself

Young men have a very short refractory period and keep on going. As men age, that gets longer and longer. At 32 you are not yet old but the effects are beginning to show.

There is no medication for this.

Dear Grandpana,

After lots of personal experimentation hopefully I can give you some helpful advice. With the methods I have practiced I have been able to stay hard after multiple orgasms. Thus far my record has been 11 consecutive orgasms with a partner. Although I am a young male, 25 years of age, I too at one time was unable to continue after one round. However, I did some research and found a lot of helpful tidbits that I compiled. Then I put them to practice over and over and over until I was able to maintain an erection. One ex titled me her marathon man, and another "titanium dick" hence the handle. Hopefully you can use these tips and provide as much consistant unwavering pleasure, as I am to my partner, to yours.

First off arousal is physiological as much as it is mental:

Studies have shown that immediately after orgasm, physiological responses, such as release of prolactin severely dampens sexual arousal. It was shown that a man who lacked this prolactin release could maintain an erection through multiple orgasms. Many guys I have talked to consistently mention an immediate mental decline in sexual attraction to their partner; they completely lose interest in having sex.

Furthermore, approaching orgasm tends to involuntarily flex the PC muscle. Much like working out at the gym, after a pump your muscles need rest before they can start any heavy lifting again.

That being said the exercises I employed were as much mental as they were physical. And while we will work on both, the point here is not to have you so occupied that you can't focus and enjoy sex but rather correct small behaviors and make adjustments during sex.

Continuing from my above post, not to discourage you, but studies showed that the larger the prolactin release, the more likely a refractory period was unavoidable. The fact is if you are unable to maintain an erection it may be entirely physiological. So these methods are not tried and true for everyone, but rather what has worked for me. Side note a lot of this will sound repetitive and it's rather lengthy because of it but hammering it in is as important as continuous practice.

Practice for me entails making a large amount of time to commit to a lengthy masturbatory session so you can train your penis to stay hard over multiple orgasms. You can do this with your partner, but I highly suggest significant number of solo flights first.

Observations:
The PC muscle plays a large part in orgasms, maintaining erections, and accelerating pleasure. Much of what has worked for me is being very conscious of what my PC muscle is doing (flexed or unflexed) during practice sessions. Personally, as I approach an orgasm I notice that my PC muscle tends to unconsciously be flexed more and more and finally is uncontrollably flexing during orgasm. If I want to rapidly achieve an orgasm I clench it and stroke vigorously. If I want to slow down arousal I focus on keeping it as relaxed as possible. Problems of maintaining a secondary erection arise in rapid and/or accumulated fatigue of the untrained PC muscle. Initially my PC muscle would become fatigued after a single orgasm and need a small break, like doing a max number of reps at the gym. Furthermore over stimulation of the penis after orgasm and continual mid/post orgasm flexing of the PC muscle tended to inhibit a secondary erection. (always start back at 1st gear for round 2! don't think you can keep going in sixth! especially just starting off! It is possible for me now but it takes practice)

Practice:
First we need to train your penis to stay hard after orgasms. The way I was able to accomplish this was simply the stop and start method with a few variations and mental observations.

-Masturbate until you are on the brink of achieving orgasm and then stop just before you reach it.
-literature says if you feel yourself ejaculating to force flex the crap out of the PC muscle(the same one you use when you urinate) to control and hold back your ejaculations. WRONG. this muscle is what accelerates you towards ejaculation! not only are you training it in the wrong direction but you are actively maxing out and fatiguing your PC muscle. Your muscle will not wanna help you obtain another orgasm/erection immediately the next time around if he's tired/fatigued from holding ejaculations back. (It is not until your muscle has had a few minutes of rest after an orgasm than he wants to come back and play. Thus we must focus on keeping him rested DURING sex)
-As you almost reach the point of no return focus on immediately letting go of PC muscle tension. (If you have trouble doing so a great physical way to help induce this is lightly press on your perineum with a finger. You should feel the muscle at the base of your penis and it is noticeably much harder to flex with pressure there. When masturbating I try and focus on flexing the muscle as little as possible. However, sometimes during high levels of arousal, I am not always conscious of it happening. A great way to tell if you are is to stop all masturbation and see if it relaxes. Focus on what that relaxed feeling feels like. Continue doing this or the perineum pressure touch until you have a handle on keeping it relaxed. Another method I use is breathing in deeply and bearing down(similar to defecating or pushing out urine) it tends to relax the PC muscle. I use this particularly when my partner wants its extremely fast and hard and doesn't want me to stop even though I am very close to orgasm. It allows me to hold off. The point is we want to forcefully fatigue him as little as possible.
-Do not bring yourself to ejaculation. if you are going to slightly ejaculate, instead press and squeeze the base of your penis or the perineum and again focus on relaxing your PC muscle. (if you are past that point and it is painful, let it go and start over) Basically you want to bring yourself as close to ejaculating as possible to a mini orgasm without ejaculating. It's a fine line to skirt but it gets easier with practice.
-immediately after the mini orgasm has occurred and subsided, to the point of almost losing your mental and physical arousal, return to "idling": subtle stroking at the just the very base of your penis (i say here because your head will be very sensitive and over stimulation can derail arousal) and then slowly start back up coinciding with increases in arousal.
-repeat this process over and over, for a very lengthy session until your PC muscle feels fully pumped to the point of fatigue and consistently is unconsciously trying to flex/stay flexed. Then go ahead and give yourself a release.
-when actually orgasming trying not to voluntarily squeeze your PC muscle to ejaculate. Hold back as long as possible and let it involuntarily happen. Even while its happening keep masturbating and trying to not flex it, but rather let it build until it happens like blinking a dry eye. Turn it into a game, the goal is while you are orgasming to not let your PC muscle win by flexing. You will find your ejaculations will be much stronger and have higher velocity than if you were to intentionally squeeze.
-Practice like this several times across sessions before attempting a secondary erection.

Hopefully your penis and mental faculties habituate maintaining an erection after approaching an orgasm. Once you have done these training sessions many times go ahead and start another training session: slowly build arousal and either stop and start once or twice at most to set the tone or just go ahead and give yourself that first orgasm. Do NOT overstimulate! this will send you deeper into a refractory period! instead try and keep stimulation to a teasing minimum once you orgasm. The point is to not overdo your orgasm: allow it to be a mini finale rather than a grand firework show finish. We want to train you to conserve and hang onto your arousal and not blow it all in one load. Now your penis is still in a refractory period but you have hopefully trained it to stay hard. Immediate over stimulation may cause a loss in erection. Start back at 1st gear, grip only the base of your penis and start with tiny slow strokes until you can feel arousal building. Even then continue slow strokes. After a little as the arousal is pulling at you, you can start to build stimulation. If you find yourself losing your erection experiment with different levels of stimulation. Personally, however, the harder and sooner I stimulated earlier, the harder it was to maintain an erection. After an orgasm the last thing my penis wants to be is rigorously touched, especially my tip. Picture it this way: your penis is sensitive and right now your sensory nerves are on a downward slope returning from overly sensitive to normal: if you are heavily stimulating as it declines to that level you have to stimulate more and more to receive the same relative sensory input and arousal. It's a losing battle. You want to idle your engines rather than burn them out, and once you can feel that refractory period reset based on the uncontrollable desire for more stimulation you can start building it back up. Slower build up has always worked for me and frankly habitualized how sex with a female partner should be. But if you practice enough, you can stimulate heavier and earlier.

Part of maintaining a secondary erection is mental. People report a sudden drop in mental arousal. The point is to keep your mind in a state of arousal. Personally I force myself to keep in mind my biggest turn on (personally for me it is how bad I want to feel the entire body of the woman i desire against my manhood. but whatever works for you). Another buddy said even though he may suddenly not be as turned on, that he tries to think of how turned on and horny she still is and it transfers back to him.

I can talk about the best ways to incorporate this into sex if you think you would like to try it.

The point is if you can do the stop and start method and slightly ejaculate as mentioned, but can still maintain an erection, that is actually a good thing in the end. When you reach your first orgasm, the point of decreasing stimulation and trying not to intentionally forcefully ejaculate is that you want to leave a few rounds in the barrel. The end result hopefully being that your penis is in a way tricked into thinking you are doing a stop and start method, when instead you actually had an ejaculatory orgasm.