Ok here we go, last night I was fingering my girlfriend for the first time. I usually just rub on her for a little bit but this time I was trying to pleasure her as much as I could. I first rubbed in circles around her vaginal opening and what I thaught was her clit and between her lips ( It felt like a knot at the top of her vagina, I dont know if thats it or not?) and she said it felt good for the first couple seconds but after that she couldnt really feel it. And then I tried rubbing up and down between her lips trying to graze her clit but she said that it was uncomfortable and made her feel like she had to pee. And then I just tried slowly putting my finger into her vagina and she said that that hurt. Ive read up on fingering techniques all around this website and from what ive read all that stuff is supposed to make her orgasm not have to go pee....But she is definately a virgin and im 99.9% sure she hasnt even been fingered before and she claims that she has never masturbated (which I find hard to believe). So im really disapointed that i dished out more pain than pleasure. Could it be that she just has to get used to the feeling and get more comfortable with it and this is more about her than my bad fingering? I would apreciate some help from you guys..
Tue, 05/27/2008 - 12:44
#1
Fingering makes her have to pee?
Hello Nicholas and welcome to the SI101 site and the Forums. I hope you enjoy participating.
I recommend that you begin by reading through the Board Forum section found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains a broad selection of articles that address common questions and concerns including yours. Please read the articles. I also recommend that you do a Google search on "female genitalia illustrations" to learn more about how females of the species are put together. You can locate the clitoris by tracing down to the juncture of the inner labia. It is located just beneath or inside the spot where the two join. You can also trace along one of them using a couple of fingers.
We do not give orgasms away, each person is responsible for his/hers. All any of us can do is to help our partner achieve them. That said, girls and young women are much less prone to masturbate, due partly to the way they are wired and the fact that they have less testosterone in their bodies. Unlike boys who pretty much learn matter-of-factly right out of puberty, not so the fairer gender. For them, it is generally a conscious and deliberate effort. There are several articles listed in the index the the two of you should read on this topic.
Attempting to place a finger or other object in the vagina can sometimes hurt. If she is a virgin with an intact hymen then rubbing against it or stretching it can cause discomfort. If she is dry..... If she will let you, do some reconnoitering (searching) and have a look at how her hymen is constructed and where the opening is. Your (well lubricated) finger or penis should press against this opening more so than against the membrane.
> So im really disapointed that i dished out more pain than pleasure. Could it be that she just has to get used to the feeling and get more comfortable with it and this is more about her than my bad fingering? I would apreciate some help from you guys.
Yes, however, she has to do some homework on her own as explained in at least on of the articles on the matter. You also have to work together and give each other feedback on how each is responding to the other's touch and caress and for what you need next. Learning to make love and learning to be a great lover go hand in hand and are a process, this does not magically happen so do not expect to be perfect right out of the starting gate. Similarly, prior experience equates to knowledge not skill. Each new partnership has its own "Square One".
You will discover if you have haven't already that when you are in the company of a lover and there is chemistry between the two of you that you will be turned on and aroused to a much greater degree when home alone taking matters into your own hand. This is because of the pheromones flying between you. That said, inexperienced women often feel the need to pee right before enjoying a climax. This is a false signal if her bladder is empty and should be ignored. So, before making love, make sure both of you have empty bladders. When she experiences this sensation again, just continue the stimulation in a way that she enjoys and push through the feeling. The orgasm should be on the other side. After she makes the transition from being a pre-orgasmic female to one who can climax regularly and consistently then this sensation will go away. Encourage her to read the articles on masturbation including the "how to" one and to practice until she learns how.
Once she can masturbate and can achieve regular orgasms on her own, she can then show you what to do. The same goes for you with her. No doubt you have a specific technique and if you stray too far from what works either an orgasm will not happen or it will be less than anticipated. When the time is right show her how you masturbate and then take her hand in yours and guide her movements giving her feedback over several sessions until she learns to mimic your technique of rhythm, stroking, and pressures.
I hope this is of help. After the two of you do your reading assignments, please do not hesitate to ask additional questions. We're here to help!